Dear You,
I saw the messages you sent to my best friend after you ended it. If she had shown me these messages when we stopped talking, I would've cried. I would've missed the times we were together and when we were best friends as well as lovers.
But I didn't.
Instead, I just felt numb looking at the messages. It was like looking at a stranger who had told my friend to look after me and to make sure I was ok. You're literally a stranger to me. I've already started to forget what you look like. I remember your eyes and your smile but that's it.Looking back, all those months ago, when I do think about it, it feel surreal that you were once even in my life. Maybe, it's just me getting over you, or just accepting that you'll never be the same again and it was a completely different guy I loved then.
I remember, I was reading a book a while back when the bad guy in the book said, "It's sometimes the people we love the most that destroy us." I never understood that quote. Until I met you. If I had known what a monster you would become after you split us apart, I would have never said yes. It would've saved me a lot of heartbreak.
Anyway, I've got used to you being gone. I know you won't wait outside my school, like you used to. Or text me from the early mornings till midnight. I can't help wondering if you still think about me though. When you sleep around, do you hug the girl close like you used to do with me after? When you see red velvet cake, does it remind you of when we ate cake on my birthday? When you see another loved up couple around, do you think of me? It shouldn't concern me. But it does for some reason.
I know I'll be ok. I just hope soon enough though. I don't want to be known as the girl who gets As in her subject and walks away from the conversation if it turns to relationships. How did you get over me so quickly? Did you mean anything you said? It doesn't matter anymore. I can't mope around waiting for you because you probably won't come back. It would be pointless and if you do come back and it doesn't work, it would hurt 100x as much. I don't want that.
In the summer, I'm going hiking with my friends. Then, I'm getting a tattoo and I'll have my best friend hold my hand. After that, I'm going to go clubbing and then walk around Central London until dawn. I'll either do that with my friends or I'll do it alone. I wanted to do it with you. But ah well. Sometimes, not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck and good things fall apart for better things to fall together. That's what Dalai Lama and Marilyn Monroe said anyway.
Me x