Dear You...

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A letter I wrote whilst at recovery (mental health) college last week. It's a letter to my abuser :yes:

"Dear You,

I still love you. Maybe that's the wrong place to start, but I feel like I should say it. You used and abused me; you broke my heart. But i still love you.

That said, **** you. I'm doing my best to move on. Hell, I've just gone and done a Masters. And that's all without you. I don't need you like I used to. Maybe I never needed you at all, at least in the sense of getting me through life and especially education.

The time is coming for me to tell our story. Lord knows it pains me to even think about it, let alone write it down. But one day, the world will know about us. I don't know how or when or what. But the world WILL know about us. They will know how we loved each other (because you DID love me, even if you can't or won't admit it to yourself) and how you abused me and your position of trust. How you let me and yourself down... I won't be your dirty little secret anymore. And then maybe I'll finally be free.

x "

Reply 1181

Anonymous #251

Dear you,

Thank you for allowing me to realise who I am, thank you for supporting me when i came out to you and thank you for saying "That's cool fancy a celebration domino's?" after I did.
Thank you for not judging because family judge, you didn't
Thank you for being my best friend, thank you for being my rock
Thank you for the fun times, the drunk times, the sober times
Thank you for watching Greys anatomy obsessively with me each week
Thank you for being awesome, especially when we are drunk
And finally... Thank you for being you

Love me

P.s. This forum needed some happy

Reply 1182

Anonymous #231

Dear you,

You made my world when you called at 3am saying you had read what I wrote here. I love you sexy :redface:

Reply 1183

Anonymous #306

Dear You (to the many I've hurt due to my own immaturity, and my recently deceased cousin RIP),

I just have to get this off my chest.

I was a jerk. I was an absolute a** to you. I thought I was doing myself good by pushing everyone away; it became so hard to trust anyone after my mom died. I developed an inferiority complex, I never felt like I was good enough, I felt like a loser in everything. I saw everyone as competition, and that I was fighting a lone war.

I was wrong.

Thank you for welcoming me back despite all that I've done, and said. What you wrote on your blog really made my day. Thank you for reminding me what life has to offer in spite of everything that has happened in my family.

Unfortunately, I've just received news that my cousin has passed away suddenly after a shocking coma that I did not even know about. He fainted, and was sent to the hospital where he fell into a coma, but doctors did not find anything wrong, hence he was discharged. He was still joking around with his family before he went to take a nap, during which he passed away after a seizure. He was only 17, and one of the smartest kids I've ever known. I treasure those memories of our family holidays together - when my mom was still around and everything was good. It was the best time of my life. R.I.P.

I don't believe in God, and I don't believe in fate. I still think we create our own lives through our own efforts and thoughts. But I can't understand why so many things have happened these few years. My mom, my grandfather, my aunt, my schoolmate, and now my cousin. Life is too fragile.

Sorry for this rant. I guess it's not really a 'Dear You' post. Just needed somewhere to vent. Thanks for reading anyways.

Reply 1184

Anonymous #151

Dear You,

Please talk to me now

love me

Reply 1185

Alexandra's Box

These are so wonderful - and that includes non-love ones.
We should make a book.

Reply 1186

Anonymous #145

Dear You,

why the hell did you have to say anything to her? It wasn't even anything behind it and you've made it like somethings happened or is going on between us and now it seems she has a problem with us both.

You're an idiot.

From Me.

Reply 1187

Anonymous #307

Dear You

Please get out of my mind. Thanks.

Sincerely, me

Reply 1188

Anonymous #308

Dear You,
I'm sorry if i can't live up to your expectations of me. Yes, i may have appeared like a confident and bubbly person but as my feelings grew for you i became shy and really uncomfortable around you and you just seem to have lost all interest in me. I find it hard to trust, i wish you knew that. If you can't handle me at my worst then i guess i don't need you in my life! It is so hard with you being there in my friendship group though, i never want to sit with everyone at lunch because i feel so anxious around you. I'm sorry if i ignored you.

Reply 1189

Ellie-Lu

Dear you, it's ok, I've forgiven you. Yes, you led me on for three months with constant flirting and then said you didn't want a relationship. Yes, you pretty much stopped talking to me after that despite how close we'd been. I don't think I ever really liked you that way, we were both just very lonely at that time and well...you smelled really nice. I've seen you with your new girlfriend and I know you've seen me with my new boyfriend. I'm really happy and I hope you are too because we were very good friends once, and I miss you.

Love, me.

Reply 1190

Anonymous #309

Dear you,

Should not knowing what 'decoupaging' is be a legitimate deal breaker, I think we should stop now before we run into some actual problems...

...If you weren't so damn beautiful and feminine. Jesus.

Me

Reply 1191

Anonymous #310

Dear You,

I think about you all the time. I met you in a weird and crazy twist of fate, that spun us together and linked our pasts. We both knew of eachother before we'd even met face-to-face. For me, that added to the rightness of the situation.

The first time we talked, I knew that I never wanted you to leave my side. You were me, I was you, how sure I was. From that first night we spoke, I wished I could just breathe you in, right inside me, to keep me warm and safe.

You were different and unique to anyone I'd ever associated at that point in my life. I had to adapt quickly, in order to keep you, so I soaked everything you said into my skin. Some of the views I still hold today are down to you. You have no idea of the influence you had on my life.

To you, I was a happy distraction. You already had a girl, you were older, you had your life set in it's ways. An excitable young me was not going to steer you from your path, no matter how hard I tried. The day I stopped punishing myself and let you go, leaves the biggest wound upon my heart, one that pulses through me a dull ache, and sends me sinking when I hear your name.

I'm now in happy, stable and loving relationship, with the nicest person I have ever met, and yet I still think of you. Nothing and no-one since you has left me with those jittery knees and wild eyes I had, nesting into your bed at 3am, planning love and future and bliss.

I knew you never wanted me and I mourned you forever. But thank you. Everyone needs to experience that hedonistic glee once in a lifetime.

Love (carefully) Me

Reply 1192

Anonymous #230

Dear You,

I wish I could say this to you for real. I want to say more than anything that I'm sorry for not understanding. I know you told me how it was from the beginning but I fell for you hard. I wanted to be with you and spend time with you, and love you like a real boyfriend and I didn't understand why or how you couldn't want that too. I realise that things aren't that simple and there's things that stand in the way. Now things are different and you're busy with your life and I'm trying to get on with mine. I don't know how you feel about me anymore, but I still really like you. I wish everyday that you would come back and we could fall in love and be together. I miss you so much.

Reply 1193

BekahD

Dear you,

When we first got together we were inseperable, every day was spent together. It was wonderful, we really just clicked. When you had to go away a peice of my heart broke at that time, and i knew things were not going to be the same again. And now nearly 2 years on what are we? Together, apart, together, apart i just dont know what you want! Everytime you keep coming back, just as im trying to move on saying we should try, my hopes rise, and then come around maybe a month you say things are not working, saying "its just not the same as it used to be". I never know what you are thinking! One minute you love me the next day im like a piece of burnt toast, just thrown away. Things will not be the same as they were, but the least you can do is try to make something new..i feel i am the only one making any effort and for what i dont know anymore..
Wish i could say this all to you but i feel it would all be pointless =[

From me.

Reply 1194

Flibble22

Dear you,

I'm ok now, thank you. If all goes according to plan I'll be going on that trip.

Love,

Me.

Reply 1195

pinkbullets

Dear you,

Maybe, just maybe, everything's going to be okay. I love you. And we're going to fine. I'm so glad you came back to me.

Love,

Me xx

Reply 1196

Anonymous #264

Original post by pinkbullets

Dear you,

Maybe, just maybe, everything's going to be okay. I love you. And we're going to fine. I'm so glad you came back to me.

Love,

Me xx

Do tell?

Reply 1197

Anonymous #249

I know you hate me, don't want anything to do with me, convinced I'm the worst person on this planet, and you can do far better than someone like me, that's fine - its your opinion and you're always entitled to that. But my actions after our break-up do not reflect who I am, and if you take a step back, you'd see that. For two years before we went out and the 3 years we was together was the real me. I'm a kind, considerate and caring guy and I had for the most part, rightly or wrongly, gone the extra mile for you.

Maybe it was in the wrong things, maybe driving to a shop to buy you a shampoo for your scalp isn't what you wanted, but just wanted someone to care, I accept that, it's a valid point and I've taken that on board. But you should also accept that although it wasn't completely what you wanted, I did in fact put that extra effort in for you, because you was extremely important and special to me. And throughout our relationship I made those same kind of efforts, every year, without fail. Whenever I thought I could help, I was there trying, and I wish you could see, regardless if it was 'correct' for you, it was me doing my best for you, to be considerate, caring and kind. The person that I know I am. Throughout our relationship I compromised with things other people may not have been happy to do, from wearing condoms, to being unable to hug you/hold you in bed because i'm 'too hot' and made you uncomfortable. It's hard to know how to show affection when every time I try it's thrown back for a reason.

And note, I am not saying that you didn't make effort, because I'm not that stupid to make such an ill informed and wrong statement, you made extreme effort and also made lots of compromises yourself. So do not take this as me telling you that you didn't, this isn't a scoring game, I'm not trying to out better you as a partner, im not trying to make you feel like you are worse person, nor am i trying to make you feel that you were anything but lovely, that's wrong. You are an amazing girl, you worked incredibly hard, you made effort and you compromised a lot.

What this email is written for is for me to try and hope that one day, maybe not this year, next or even in the next 5 years, you will be able to look back and see what we had in a different light than how you see it now. Just objectively review it and see that although some of my efforts were in the wrong way, they were efforts for you. Although I may not have shown affection with regular hugs, I did other things, massages, your drinks, those extra efforts I made, my little talks where I'd try and convince you that you are amazing, you are intelligent and you are beautiful. That's what I did. I openly hold my hands up that in some area's I had let you down perhaps spending more time together whilst living together would have changed where we are at now, but that's all if's and but's I just want you to one day consider that I wasn't that bad. You may end up with someone fantastic and I hope you do, you deserve that, someone that makes you completely and utterly happy, every day forever, I once thought I could do that, but obviously I've failed. You may end up missing me or reminiscing what we had. You made me a promise Stevie and I hope that you remember that. Regardless of what has happened, you made that promise you swore on my life and your mums.

I just want you to try and remember that although i acted like a dickhead after we broke up, and it's completely inexcusable and wrong. It wasn't because I hate you or dislike you. It's because I was or still am, extremely disappointed with how we've ended. Regardless of what you are thinking when I said I wanted it to be forever I meant that, the fact that for me it hasn't ended the pain is still here, clearly shows to me that I had invested a lot in us and our future and it sucks that it's gone. This is not me saying that what I did is okay, it's not, it never will be okay and I will never argue that what happened was correct or excusable. I've accepted that.

I'm truly sorry it's like this. The upset I caused you during and after our relationship. It was never intentional. I'm not that type of guy.

I hope everything goes well, and work is exactly what you wanted, I can't help but miss you, but that's just how it is.

xx

Reply 1198

Anonymous #124

Dear you

Just come out here and let's have sex. It's been a long time and I just want you now. This is so long distance and so rocky and temperamental that I think it's gonna be finished otherwise. I want you here. I can't keep doing this. I never tell you how much I do because I'm scared you'll realise you've got me under your thumb. And realise you can do so much better.

I know you need to hear it but I'm not ready yet.

So just come here and play.

Reply 1199

RoyalBlue7

“Dear You! Unto You do I complain of my weakness, of my helplessness and of my lowliness before men. Into whose hands have you entrusted me? Unto some far off stranger who receives me with hostility? Or unto a foe whom you have empowered against me?
I care not, so long as You are not angry with me. But Your favouring help, that were for me the broader way and the wider scope. I take refuge in the light of Your
countenance whereby all darknesses are illuminated and all things of this world and
the next are rightly ordered, lest You make descend Your anger upon me or lest Your wrath beset me. Yet it is Yours to reproach
until You are well pleased. There is no power and no might except through You.”

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