Is this slutty or being easy?
Do you consider this to be "slutty" or "easy"?
My boyfriend and I broke up officially about a year ago, and got back together and broke up again on subsequent occasions and broke it off properly over Christmas, and decided to just be friends. During this time, I became fond of someone else and we established a sexual relationship together, which my ex recently found out about (he asked, and I didn't want to lie).
Since then, he says that I am turning into an "easy" person and "slutty" and that I am decreasing my worth as a person by having sex with someone without having established a formal relationship with them. He also threatens to not talk to me ever again if I continue to maintain this kind of relationship with him because in his words, "I am doing with someone who doesn't deserve it what he always wanted to do with me".
Whilst I can understand his last point, I think that my private life is after all, my private life and that I should be able to decide who I engage with sex with and who I don't. I realise that having sex with whom you haven't established a relationship is more "liberal" than having sex with a partner, but it doesn't mean that I would have sex with any old person, nor do it without restraint or without thinking about it beforehand. Am I really a "whore" and just trying to justify myself by thinking this, or is it OK for one's personal view of sexuality to change as we grow up, and is it a mature decision? Thank you
My boyfriend and I broke up officially about a year ago, and got back together and broke up again on subsequent occasions and broke it off properly over Christmas, and decided to just be friends. During this time, I became fond of someone else and we established a sexual relationship together, which my ex recently found out about (he asked, and I didn't want to lie).
Since then, he says that I am turning into an "easy" person and "slutty" and that I am decreasing my worth as a person by having sex with someone without having established a formal relationship with them. He also threatens to not talk to me ever again if I continue to maintain this kind of relationship with him because in his words, "I am doing with someone who doesn't deserve it what he always wanted to do with me".
Whilst I can understand his last point, I think that my private life is after all, my private life and that I should be able to decide who I engage with sex with and who I don't. I realise that having sex with whom you haven't established a relationship is more "liberal" than having sex with a partner, but it doesn't mean that I would have sex with any old person, nor do it without restraint or without thinking about it beforehand. Am I really a "whore" and just trying to justify myself by thinking this, or is it OK for one's personal view of sexuality to change as we grow up, and is it a mature decision? Thank you
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I can see why your ex would be unhappy since he was actually with you and i presume it was for some time? but nothing happened sexually yet now without being in a relationship your having sex with this casual person. Is it wrong? No way but I can see why he would be unhappy. Then again its your choice who you sleep with and who you dont so no your not a whore.
Original post by johnharris19944
I can see why your ex would be unhappy since he was actually with you and i presume it was for some time? but nothing happened sexually yet now without being in a relationship your having sex with this casual person. Is it wrong? No way but I can see why he would be unhappy. Then again its your choice who you sleep with and who you dont so no your not a whore.
Thank you for replying.
Yes, we were together for quite a long time (about a year and a half).
We did have sex, but we never spent a night together or anything like that.
His threat is because he says this person is "using" me for sex. In a sense, it is probably true, but in the same way wouldn't I be using this person in the same way, it isn't as if I am doing it against my will, or am being tricked into believing something which isn't true.
What I mean is, does this make me easy / a slut, just because I am having sex purely for the enjoyment of sex with someone?
It's your life; live it how you want. I fail to see how it's any concern of your ex's, and it's certainly not his place to judge you and call you a 'slut'.
Original post by Anonymous
Thank you for replying.
Yes, we were together for quite a long time (about a year and a half).
We did have sex, but we never spent a night together or anything like that.
His threat is because he says this person is "using" me for sex. In a sense, it is probably true, but in the same way wouldn't I be using this person in the same way, it isn't as if I am doing it against my will, or am being tricked into believing something which isn't true.
What I mean is, does this make me easy / a slut, just because I am having sex purely for the enjoyment of sex with someone?
Yes, we were together for quite a long time (about a year and a half).
We did have sex, but we never spent a night together or anything like that.
His threat is because he says this person is "using" me for sex. In a sense, it is probably true, but in the same way wouldn't I be using this person in the same way, it isn't as if I am doing it against my will, or am being tricked into believing something which isn't true.
What I mean is, does this make me easy / a slut, just because I am having sex purely for the enjoyment of sex with someone?
No your not a slut for enjoying sex, most people enjoy it. Hes just unhappy he didnt get any while you guys were in a relationship and this casual person has managed to straight away.
He's jealous.
He's just upset and jealous, don't listen to him.
Original post by Anonymous
Do you consider this to be "slutty" or "easy"?
My boyfriend and I broke up officially about a year ago, and got back together and broke up again on subsequent occasions and broke it off properly over Christmas, and decided to just be friends. During this time, I became fond of someone else and we established a sexual relationship together, which my ex recently found out about (he asked, and I didn't want to lie).
Since then, he says that I am turning into an "easy" person and "slutty" and that I am decreasing my worth as a person by having sex with someone without having established a formal relationship with them. He also threatens to not talk to me ever again if I continue to maintain this kind of relationship with him because in his words, "I am doing with someone who doesn't deserve it what he always wanted to do with me".
Whilst I can understand his last point, I think that my private life is after all, my private life and that I should be able to decide who I engage with sex with and who I don't. I realise that having sex with whom you haven't established a relationship is more "liberal" than having sex with a partner, but it doesn't mean that I would have sex with any old person, nor do it without restraint or without thinking about it beforehand. Am I really a "whore" and just trying to justify myself by thinking this, or is it OK for one's personal view of sexuality to change as we grow up, and is it a mature decision? Thank you
My boyfriend and I broke up officially about a year ago, and got back together and broke up again on subsequent occasions and broke it off properly over Christmas, and decided to just be friends. During this time, I became fond of someone else and we established a sexual relationship together, which my ex recently found out about (he asked, and I didn't want to lie).
Since then, he says that I am turning into an "easy" person and "slutty" and that I am decreasing my worth as a person by having sex with someone without having established a formal relationship with them. He also threatens to not talk to me ever again if I continue to maintain this kind of relationship with him because in his words, "I am doing with someone who doesn't deserve it what he always wanted to do with me".
Whilst I can understand his last point, I think that my private life is after all, my private life and that I should be able to decide who I engage with sex with and who I don't. I realise that having sex with whom you haven't established a relationship is more "liberal" than having sex with a partner, but it doesn't mean that I would have sex with any old person, nor do it without restraint or without thinking about it beforehand. Am I really a "whore" and just trying to justify myself by thinking this, or is it OK for one's personal view of sexuality to change as we grow up, and is it a mature decision? Thank you
Tell him to sod off. He's jealous, just tell him that you two and no longer in a relationship. No, having sex with someone else does not make you slutty. However, I'd suggest next time you just tell him its none of his business (nicely of course)
Original post by Anonymous
Do you consider this to be "slutty" or "easy"?
My boyfriend and I broke up officially about a year ago, and got back together and broke up again on subsequent occasions and broke it off properly over Christmas, and decided to just be friends. During this time, I became fond of someone else and we established a sexual relationship together, which my ex recently found out about (he asked, and I didn't want to lie).
Since then, he says that I am turning into an "easy" person and "slutty" and that I am decreasing my worth as a person by having sex with someone without having established a formal relationship with them. He also threatens to not talk to me ever again if I continue to maintain this kind of relationship with him because in his words, "I am doing with someone who doesn't deserve it what he always wanted to do with me".
Whilst I can understand his last point, I think that my private life is after all, my private life and that I should be able to decide who I engage with sex with and who I don't. I realise that having sex with whom you haven't established a relationship is more "liberal" than having sex with a partner, but it doesn't mean that I would have sex with any old person, nor do it without restraint or without thinking about it beforehand. Am I really a "whore" and just trying to justify myself by thinking this, or is it OK for one's personal view of sexuality to change as we grow up, and is it a mature decision? Thank you
My boyfriend and I broke up officially about a year ago, and got back together and broke up again on subsequent occasions and broke it off properly over Christmas, and decided to just be friends. During this time, I became fond of someone else and we established a sexual relationship together, which my ex recently found out about (he asked, and I didn't want to lie).
Since then, he says that I am turning into an "easy" person and "slutty" and that I am decreasing my worth as a person by having sex with someone without having established a formal relationship with them. He also threatens to not talk to me ever again if I continue to maintain this kind of relationship with him because in his words, "I am doing with someone who doesn't deserve it what he always wanted to do with me".
Whilst I can understand his last point, I think that my private life is after all, my private life and that I should be able to decide who I engage with sex with and who I don't. I realise that having sex with whom you haven't established a relationship is more "liberal" than having sex with a partner, but it doesn't mean that I would have sex with any old person, nor do it without restraint or without thinking about it beforehand. Am I really a "whore" and just trying to justify myself by thinking this, or is it OK for one's personal view of sexuality to change as we grow up, and is it a mature decision? Thank you
Completely agree with this.
I wonder if he has the same standards for himself too? Because often there's a double standard regarding guys sleeping with various partners vs girls doing that.
And no, it's not slutty or being easy. It's your body after all and you're allowed to do what you want (within legal limits etc). "Slutshaming" really is horrible.
And no, it's not slutty or being easy. It's your body after all and you're allowed to do what you want (within legal limits etc). "Slutshaming" really is horrible.
Original post by riotgrrl
Ask yourself this- is having sex without being in a relationship hurting anyone? No? Well, then why would it be wrong? Tell your ex he's being a douche and it's none of his business.
Ironically, the answer is yes, because it hurts the ex :P
To the OP, I don't think you're being a slut or anything like that, don't worry or feel guilty. Just remember that your ex probably still has some feelings for you, and that you should respect the time you had together by not making it too painful for him.
Original post by gintoki
Yes.
To those who have replied yes, could you explain why?
No, it's not slutty; it's him being a jealous tool. He's not your boyfriend, he hasn't got the right to dictate who you can and can't have sex with. Politely tell him it's none of his business, and if he kicks up a fuss, ignore him.
I was kinda in you boat when me and my ex broke up i sort of wanted too go of the rails have sex discover myself I nearly ended up sleeping with a guy i liked but I relaised there was no way I could sleep with a man and not develop feelings for him so instead im wiht a new boyfriend who treats me like a princess and im very happy you just have to make sure your not thinking of this guy than anymore as sex otherwise you will get hurt also yuour ex is jealous your probs find hes not getting any
Original post by Anonymous
To those who have replied yes, could you explain why?
Original post by Anonymous
by having sex with someone without having established a formal relationship with them.
^This.
Original post by Anonymous
"I am doing with someone who doesn't deserve it what he always wanted to do with me".
And this just makes matters worse, which totally gives him the right to cut connections with you.
Original post by Post
Ironically, the answer is yes, because it hurts the ex :P
To the OP, I don't think you're being a slut or anything like that, don't worry or feel guilty. Just remember that your ex probably still has some feelings for you, and that you should respect the time you had together by not making it too painful for him.
To the OP, I don't think you're being a slut or anything like that, don't worry or feel guilty. Just remember that your ex probably still has some feelings for you, and that you should respect the time you had together by not making it too painful for him.
But it would hurt him just as much if she was sleeping with someone else AND in a relationship with them.
Original post by riotgrrl
But it would hurt him just as much if she was sleeping with someone else AND in a relationship with them.
I know, you're probably right, which is why I think she shouldn't tell him about the person she is sleeping with at all. I'm guessing the OP is trying to do the thing which causes least harm here, right? Ideally, after a break up, you cut off all contact, so that you don't lead the other on, and you can both heal. But that's not the case since they did the typical thing and tried to be friends.
The second best thing she can do then, is to either 1: talk to her ex much less and avoid questions about her activities with the guy, or 2: outright lie to her ex. Either way works, and the second is easier/riskier, but telling the ex he's a douche is asking for trouble imo.
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