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Struggling with coming to terms

Okay, so I've been with my girlfriend now for nearly 20 months, and she's honestly the perfect girl for me. I'm so close to her, and she really is my best friend as well as just my girlfriend, as corny as that may sound. We've had our fair share of arguments over the last year or so, and she;s been to a different country to a different school, on a foreign exchange program 3/4 times. A few months ago now, she cheated on me when she was out there, saying she thought she had feelings but it turned out she didn't and she made them up. We got over that fine, and we've been through much worse things together, and gotten through everything. I've done my fair share of bad things too (I've never cheated though) but I have hurt her unintentionally too. I really do love this girl to pieces, and would do anything to ensure her and I get through whatevers thrown at us, because my life is honestly a million times better with her.

Recently, our relationship has been incredible, like better than it's ever been before, and the both of us have been really happy and over the moon and stuff, and with us both having exams, it's really nice to then spend time with eachother just relaxing and having fun.

About a week or so ago, I ended up finding out that she still talks to the guy she cheated on me with on Skype, and makes an effort to talk to him, and she also knows this guy's facebook password. Like I said, we've been together for nearly 20 months now, and I have no problems with her having guy mates and talking to other guys, we're both comfortable and although we may get a bit jealous sometimes, it's nothing we can't handle and we deal with it together and it makes us both feel more comfortable. But there's just something about this guy, and her talking to this guy that really gets under my skin and bothers me. I try not to show it, because I don't want her to think I'm controlling her life or anything like that, but it really really bothers me knowing she still talks to this guy. It wouldn't be anything more than just friends talking, and I know how loyal she is to me and the feelings she has for me, but it really really bothers me that she knows this guys password, and that she also talks to him frequently on Skype. She's going back to the country again in September for a week, and I'm feeling so uncomfortable with this guy being here. And I honestly have no idea what to do about this :/

Sorry for the really long message, I'm feeling a bit frantic at the moment :frown:

Reply 1

Future African game vet

I know how you feel. I've been in a similar situation. But you have to now question... has the trust gone? You are NEVER going to feel comfortable with her talking to him... she cheated on you with him. If you want to have a happy healthy relationship, I think it would be better for them not to talk any more because its upsetting you.
Talk to her about it- she should put your feelings first if she is planning to invest in your relationship

good luck

x

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

No the trust hasn't gone in the slightest. I trust her with my life, and we've built really strong foundations together. Like I'm not doubting anything going on in the slightest, it's just bothering me, like I don't even know why it just really gets to me and makes me feel uncomfortable with her talking to THAT person.

On the one hand I want to tell her how I feel, but on the other I'm scared that she might feel I'm controlling, or dictating what she can and can't do, when that's the last thing I want to make her feel :frown:

Reply 3

AlmostChicGeek

She shouldn't be talking with the guy she cheated on you with... that would make anyone uncomfortable! Have a chat and let her know how you feel, it isn't unreasonable for you to get priority over this guy. :smile:

Reply 4

Flamin Nora

Dude, don't want to be harsh, but WAKE UP. She is playing you big time. There is no way she should be still be in contact with the guy she cheated with, that's so damn disrespectful to you.

Reply 5

KT9

Original post by Anonymous

Tell her exactly what you've told us. That while you trust her and don't want to make her feel controlled or smothered, it really bothers you that she's maintaining a close relationship with him.

By the way, I think that there are different levels of trust and it can sometimes be easier to trust someone with the big things such as your life, or that she'd be there for you no matter what. (There's a good handful of people I'd trust with my life, but not many the I'd trust to look after my last Malteser. :tongue: