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Did I do the right thing for ignoring this guy?

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    (Original post by Historophilia)
    Public transport is by and large not a socially acceptable place to chat people up.

    Neither is being overly complimentary having just met someone, neither is telling someone you like them after a 30 minute conversation. There's also the fact that he's 5 years older than her.

    From a girls' point of view that all spells creepy.
    (Original post by Lonelyone)
    Ive only just met him, I have spoken to him for about 30 mins on the bus. He told me he fancies me, I thought he was a weird and strange because he asked for my number and gave me many compliments! I just ignore his texts as I find it creepy, I haven't spoken or seen him for a few days. Anyway today when I was on the bus, he came on! I didn't look at him, he sat a few seats infront of me. He was with his friend and I heard him say ''The girl behind, I like''. His friend looked at me. When I got off the bus he said to me ''Hello (my name)'' and I just smiled and blanked him, I can tell he wanted to speak to me, he looked well sad. Did I do the right thing or am I being too harsh? I'm not sure if his a creep or just a shy guy?

    Yes I know I was harsh :|

    Oh btw his 22 and I'm 17.
    how the **** is it creepy??

    He sounds confident, he had the balls to talk to you in the day time, chat you up in the day time. Us brits are so socially awkward its unreal ***EDIT (i meant her) ***

    "you cannot talk to me/chat me up because I am on a bus and that is not socially acceptable, yet chat me up in a bar and thats a ok!!"

    Its so stupid its unreal, since when does a situation or place matter where you talk to someone?? In America for the most part people will get chatting to you wherever regardless to where you are, us brits are so reserved that its going to get us no where. Hes texting you because he likes you, in no way what youve described sounds creepy whatsoever, (if the contexts of the texts are creepy then I would disagree) Oh and age is just a number, 5 years is nothing. When your 17/18 you should be mature enough to date someone in their 20's. This is obviously relative "age is just a number" like all things when the gap is too large then its a problem, so dont get all oh so a 40 year old can date a 17 year old, as thats obviously not what I said.

    Question OP.....If the person in question met you in a bar or a pub which is so called socially 'acceptable' would you percieve him differently, yes or no? I think the answer would be the former. For the very reason you met on a bus and you find that "creepy" and its no wonder guys often find themseleves with low self esteem and self confidence when girls treat them like this..

    "nah mate cant chat her up on a bus during the day as thats creepy, wait till your both in a bar and then itll be ok"

    Girls are stupid (yes before people berate me, there are exceptions to everything and there are guys out there who are creepy, but dont think that everything a guy does, just because it is out of the ordinary, or a bit bold that he is automatically creepy, dont collectively rule out all guys because of a select few)

    /rant over.
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    He told you he liked you 30mins after you met. He's definitely not a shy guy. Talk to him if you wanna find out whether he's a weirdo or not.
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    I am not going to read further than first few 8-10 posts.

    It is not socially acceptable to ask girls out in common places these days whatever anyone says. The people who do such thing are found weird and creepy.

    "Wow, of course how can he claim to like me if I don't even have his Facebook and hasn't told me that he loves me over a text message"

    I guarantee you that if chatting girls up in normal places would be socially acceptable you wouldn't find him weird.
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    (Original post by Historophilia)
    Public transport is by and large not a socially acceptable place to chat people up.

    Neither is being overly complimentary having just met someone, neither is telling someone you like them after a 30 minute conversation. There's also the fact that he's 5 years older than her.

    From a girls' point of view that all spells creepy.
    What exactly is creepy about chatting someone up outside of a bar/club? Suppose the guy was good looking, sharply dressed, confident and charming. Also say the girl noticed him first, made eye contact and smiled. Not an unlikely scenario. Would it still be 'creepy' for the guy to start a conversation?

    And strong wtf at people thinking 30 minutes in is too soon to express interest. You can do it right away and still get a good response, provided you come off in the right way.
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    Ok, that's not necessarily creepy, it just doesn't happen that often. But you don't have to like him in that way and as a 17 year old i can understand that you think it's creepy since you are 17 and still in sixth-form or something and he is in uni or something. If you were 20 and that guy 27 it wouldn't really matter. But yes if you look really young and he still approached it's a lil iffy imo. But the poor guy was probably just trying his luck, so you shouldn't have ignored him, but perhaps told him that you're not interested in him in that way.
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    To be fair to the OP he sounds a bit cringey (That girl behind, I like her???) in the way he is going about things, so I'm not surprised she feels awkward about it. Though I'm pretty sure if he was hot she wouldn't give a **** lol.
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    (Original post by midlandsman)
    What exactly is creepy about chatting someone up outside of a bar/club? Suppose the guy was good looking, sharply dressed, confident and charming. Also say the girl noticed him first, made eye contact and smiled. Not an unlikely scenario. Would it still be 'creepy' for the guy to start a conversation?

    And strong wtf at people thinking 30 minutes in is too soon to express interest. You can do it right away and still get a good response, provided you come off in the right way.
    Most women are not constantly on the look out for potential partners/dates when they are just getting on with their day to day life. Attention from men on the street or public transport can often be a nuisance or even be intimidating.

    My way of explaining it is that being chatted up up the street or on public transport is like being confronted by a Charity Mugger (you know those people who accost you and try to make you give money to random charities). It's not inherently a bad thing but it's a nuisance, you're trying to get on your your way but you don't want to be rude and you never quite know how they're going to react to you telling them you're not interested.

    My advice is this, if you want to speak to a girl on the street/public transport then only do it if the conversation comes about naturally or there is another excuse for it. Ie. you make a comment about the fact that the bus has been stuck in traffic for ages or you're on the tube and someone's pushed the alarm button etc.

    Random conversations coming out of nowhere are largely unwanted and irritating. When out in public women often have their "social shutters" as I call them up in order to fend off unwanted attention from men. Why chatting up women in bars etc works is because these are places where it is acceptable to bring the shutters down and they feel safe in doing so.

    I shall reiterate the point about safety. When a woman is in the street or on public transport she is concerned for her safety. Male attention is a potential threat to her safety, because you never know how they are going to react. They might get nasty or aggressive.

    If as you've suggested the girl made eye contact first of course that is fine, but when approaching a girl cold the bus is not usually the place to do it.

    And also your point about the appearance of the guy making the difference. to be honest it doesn't. Unwanted attention is unwanted attention.

    And to your point about 30 minutes being long enough? Honestly no it isn't. Sometimes coming on strong might get results but when it's a complete stranger and you're only 17 it can freak you out. It would freak most women out unless the conversation has been going really, really well. Which from the OP's reaction I doubt it was.
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    (Original post by Unknown?)
    Now if he is a creep then its best not to encourage him. The girl did the right thing in regards to her own safety. The guy is either a creep or is just socially awkward. Chatting up strangers on the bus is not generally common behaviour
    ...In the UK.


    Striking up a conversation isn't creepy, I know in places especially like London, it's almost now seen as weird for anyone to talk to anyone else but talking to a stranger in itself isn't creepy.

    A haunted house is creepy, a scruffy hairy man death-staring is creepy, a conversation with a stranger is a conversation with a stranger.

    Just because most people meet through someone they already know doesn't mean people can't meet out of the blue.

    OP, if you're not interested but still feel bad, simply text him, apologising for blanking and saying you're not good with strangers approaching you and that you're not interested.

    If you don't care either way just continue to ignore him outright.
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    (Original post by Cheech23)
    how the **** is it creepy??

    He sounds confident, he had the balls to talk to you in the day time, chat you up in the day time. Us brits are so socially awkward its unreal ***EDIT (i meant her) ***

    "you cannot talk to me/chat me up because I am on a bus and that is not socially acceptable, yet chat me up in a bar and thats a ok!!"

    Its so stupid its unreal, since when does a situation or place matter where you talk to someone?? In America for the most part people will get chatting to you wherever regardless to where you are, us brits are so reserved that its going to get us no where. Hes texting you because he likes you, in no way what youve described sounds creepy whatsoever, (if the contexts of the texts are creepy then I would disagree) Oh and age is just a number, 5 years is nothing. When your 17/18 you should be mature enough to date someone in their 20's. This is obviously relative "age is just a number" like all things when the gap is too large then its a problem, so dont get all oh so a 40 year old can date a 17 year old, as thats obviously not what I said.

    Question OP.....If the person in question met you in a bar or a pub which is so called socially 'acceptable' would you percieve him differently, yes or no? I think the answer would be the former. For the very reason you met on a bus and you find that "creepy" and its no wonder guys often find themseleves with low self esteem and self confidence when girls treat them like this..

    "nah mate cant chat her up on a bus during the day as thats creepy, wait till your both in a bar and then itll be ok"

    Girls are stupid (yes before people berate me, there are exceptions to everything and there are guys out there who are creepy, but dont think that everything a guy does, just because it is out of the ordinary, or a bit bold that he is automatically creepy, dont collectively rule out all guys because of a select few)

    /rant over.
    I shall refer you to the post I made in reply to midlandsman which will be just above this one I should think.

    I explain why it is socially acceptable to talk to someone in a bar and why not on a tube station and women's reasoning behind doing this.

    At the end of the day it is about safety, avoiding unwanted attention and harassment.

    It is nothing to do with girls being stupid. And if guys have low self esteem because they are not aware of what is and is not socially acceptable then it is not girl's fault.

    It is not mean for a girl to not want to talk to a random guy who tries to engage her in conversation. It is her choice to decide who she speaks to. As it is with anyone. You in no way owe it to some stranger to speak to them.
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    And 30 minutes not enough to find out whether someone likes someone.
    You give me 300 women, line them up and I ll tell you which ones I'll do and won't same for women, stop with the ******** that you need more time etc. You know it from the start, whether you would or wouldn't so what's will all the sensitive morasms.
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    (Original post by Historophilia)
    I shall refer you to the post I made in reply to midlandsman which will be just above this one I should think.

    I explain why it is socially acceptable to talk to someone in a bar and why not on a tube station and women's reasoning behind doing this.

    At the end of the day it is about safety, avoiding unwanted attention and harassment.

    It is nothing to do with girls being stupid. And if guys have low self esteem because they are not aware of what is and is not socially acceptable then it is not girl's fault.

    It is not mean for a girl to not want to talk to a random guy who tries to engage her in conversation. It is her choice to decide who she speaks to. As it is with anyone. You in no way owe it to some stranger to speak to them.
    Flawed argument, women survived talking to strangers long before now, you're trying to find a universal excuse for a specific geo-cultural attitude.

    You grow up in a culture that dictates that all strangers are potential threats, everyone is going to believe it, doesn't make it true.

    We as a country have predominantly been raised to value our personal space while out and about in our daily lives, and we justify it in several ways, the potential threat issue being one of them. Objectively speaking any given average stranger is about as likely to harm us as any other. Kind of ironic that some people seem to regard a friendly conversation as defcon 1 and happily ignore the notably quiet people around them, anyone who could be just as much a potential danger to your safety as anyone else.
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    (Original post by Historophilia)
    Attention from men on the street or public transport can often be a nuisance or even be intimidating.

    My way of explaining it is that being chatted up up the street or on public transport is like being confronted by a Charity Mugger (you know those people who accost you and try to make you give money to random charities). It's not inherently a bad thing but it's a nuisance, you're trying to get on your your way but you don't want to be rude and you never quite know how they're going to react to you telling them you're not interested.

    My advice is this, if you want to speak to a girl on the street/public transport then only do it if the conversation comes about naturally or there is another excuse for it. Ie. you make a comment about the fact that the bus has been stuck in traffic for ages or you're on the tube and someone's pushed the alarm button etc.

    Random conversations coming out of nowhere are largely unwanted and irritating. When out in public women often have their "social shutters" as I call them up in order to fend off unwanted attention from men. Why chatting up women in bars etc works is because these are places where it is acceptable to bring the shutters down and they feel safe in doing so.

    I shall reiterate the point about safety. When a woman is in the street or on public transport she is concerned for her safety. Male attention is a potential threat to her safety, because you never know how they are going to react. They might get nasty or aggressive.

    If as you've suggested the girl made eye contact first of course that is fine, but when approaching a girl cold the bus is not usually the place to do it.

    And also your point about the appearance of the guy making the difference. to be honest it doesn't. Unwanted attention is unwanted attention.

    And to your point about 30 minutes being long enough? Honestly no it isn't. Sometimes coming on strong might get results but when it's a complete stranger and you're only 17 it can freak you out. It would freak most women out unless the conversation has been going really, really well. Which from the OP's reaction I doubt it was.
    I am going to waste about 5 minutes writing a reply to this, I'll break up your little speech into few parts and I will try my best to explain why your opinion would be good only if it was used on a forum for kids under 12 years of age.

    "Most women are not constantly on the look out for potential partners/dates when they are just getting on with their day to day life."
    -Many people day in day out look out or dream of meeting someone spontaneously. Yes if you are going to an interview whilst on the bus you are not going to be in the mood to provide a bit of rat for a guy.
    However you go through your day and always see a lot of people, out of these people most likely you'll see someone who you'd really like. Now who says its wrong to say "I like you?"





    "It's not inherently a bad thing but it's a nuisance, you're trying to get on your your way but you don't want to be rude and you never quite know how they're going to react to you telling them you're not interested".


    A lot of crap again...all you need to do is say: "Sorry dude, dont want to play games, don't want to lie, I am not going to have sex with you"
    Worried about security? You live in UK where its as safe as anywhere. I've never seen a girl harrassed by a guy here like ever. In fact people actually care in this country even about the last fat piece of rat because there are so few of you here.


    "If as you've suggested the girl made eye contact first of course that is fine, but when approaching a girl cold the bus is not usually the place to do it. "


    He likes her ok, may be he thinks there werent be any chance to meet her again, how is he meant to react?
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    (Original post by Studentus-anonymous)
    Flawed argument, women survived talking to strangers long before now, you're trying to find a universal excuse for a specific geo-cultural attitude.

    You grow up in a culture that dictates that all strangers are potential threats, everyone is going to believe it, doesn't make it true.

    We as a country have predominantly been raised to value our personal space while out and about in our daily lives, and we justify it in several ways, the potential threat issue being one of them. Objectively speaking any given average stranger is about as likely to harm us as any other. Kind of ironic that some people seem to regard a friendly conversation as defcon 1 and happily ignore the notably quiet people around them, anyone who could be just as much a potential danger to your safety as anyone else.
    To be honest no I'm going on personal experience and the experience of others.

    A hell of a lot of times some guy who has seemed friendly and harmless has turned nasty or gropy. A friend of mine had her breasts aggressively groped by a guy who tried to talk to her on the bus. I've had guys verbally abuse me when I try and politely give them the message that I'm not interested in talking to them or had them suddenly put their arms round me and restrain me when they try to talk to me.

    And while it may be hard to put down into words sometimes someone just makes you feel uncomfortable. Maybe they're getting just a bit too close or leaning towards you too much. Maybe the way he's looking at you makes you feel uncomfortable.

    And at the end of the day there's no reason why you should feel obliged to respond when a stranger tries to talk to you. It might be more polite but you don't know them and you're just trying to get on with your life. They are imposing on your time and privacy.
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    (Original post by Historophilia)
    Most women are not constantly on the look out for potential partners/dates when they are just getting on with their day to day life.
    By the same token, I'm not constantly on the lookout for potential partners/dates as I browse the frozen foods section of Sainsburys.

    But if an attractive, friendly looking woman did happen to approach me and express an interest in getting to know me, I'd no doubt be delighted. I'm sure lots of women feel the same way.

    (Original post by Historophilia)
    My way of explaining it is that being chatted up up the street or on public transport is like being confronted by a Charity Mugger (you know those people who accost you and try to make you give money to random charities). It's not inherently a bad thing but it's a nuisance, you're trying to get on your your way but you don't want to be rude and you never quite know how they're going to react to you telling them you're not interested.
    The difference is 'Charity Muggers' only want to take from you and have nothing to give (except a clear conscience!) If an attractive, confident guy approaches an attractive woman then it's an opportunity for both parties to gain!


    (Original post by Historophilia)
    And to your point about 30 minutes being long enough? Honestly no it isn't. Sometimes coming on strong might get results but when it's a complete stranger and you're only 17 it can freak you out. It would freak most women out unless the conversation has been going really, really well. Which from the OP's reaction I doubt it was.
    When are you ever going to have more than 30 minutes to chat with a stranger? Certainly not on a bus. For all you know the girl will be getting off at the next stop. You need to act much FASTER than that or else nothing will happen at all.

    Besides, why do you think girls like you are wary of guys approaching them in the street? Besides the safety aspect, it's probably because you don't want to be stuck for half an hour with some awkward guy, making excuses to talk to you.

    Seriously, watch this video from 12:00 in:



    Yes I know it's not real life, but if a guy approached you like that, how could you possibly object? It's direct, honest, ballsy as ****, non-needy and and takes all of about 30 seconds out of your day. It gives you a good opportunity to meet a confident guy but at the same time puts you under no pressure at all.
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    (Original post by Historophilia)
    To be honest no I'm going on personal experience and the experience of others.

    A hell of a lot of times some guy who has seemed friendly and harmless has turned nasty or gropy. A friend of mine had her breasts aggressively groped by a guy who tried to talk to her on the bus. I've had guys verbally abuse me when I try and politely give them the message that I'm not interested in talking to them or had them suddenly put their arms round me and restrain me when they try to talk to me.

    And while it may be hard to put down into words sometimes someone just makes you feel uncomfortable. Maybe they're getting just a bit too close or leaning towards you too much. Maybe the way he's looking at you makes you feel uncomfortable.

    And at the end of the day there's no reason why you should feel obliged to respond when a stranger tries to talk to you. It might be more polite but you don't know them and you're just trying to get on with your life. They are imposing on your time and privacy.
    First part: You cant let past experiences define you, you cant let past experiences define your future. Dont taint the rest of the male population with the same brush...if you do you will not find anyone at all.....am I sensing trust issues?


    Bold : Full of What ifs and Maybes....If we lived our lives like that we'd be boring.
    Italics: I understand that you can talk to whomever. Bit that last line sounds so egotistical its unreal. "imposing on your time and privacy" bull****...If he was a stunner it would be ok am I right? Your going to deny it but deep down you know im right.
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    btw saying 30mins is too soon to express an interest, thats so not true, my last crush (ended in a rejection unfortunately) I knew I would like after an hour....I didnt express an interest as I knew Id meet her again. In this situation its not too far fetched to tell her that he likes her.
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    (Original post by Historophilia)
    To be honest no I'm going on personal experience and the experience of others.

    A hell of a lot of times some guy who has seemed friendly and harmless has turned nasty or gropy. A friend of mine had her breasts aggressively groped by a guy who tried to talk to her on the bus. I've had guys verbally abuse me when I try and politely give them the message that I'm not interested in talking to them or had them suddenly put their arms round me and restrain me when they try to talk to me.

    And while it may be hard to put down into words sometimes someone just makes you feel uncomfortable. Maybe they're getting just a bit too close or leaning towards you too much. Maybe the way he's looking at you makes you feel uncomfortable.

    And at the end of the day there's no reason why you should feel obliged to respond when a stranger tries to talk to you. It might be more polite but you don't know them and you're just trying to get on with your life. They are imposing on your time and privacy.
    You're right, it is entirely your decision to talk to a stranger or not. I was merely arguing your point that it is 'creepy' or that a stranger trying to talk to you is in itself a threat.

    Threatening behaviour is the threat.
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    (Original post by Lonelyone)
    Ive only just met him, I have spoken to him for about 30 mins on the bus. He told me he fancies me, I thought he was a weird and strange because he asked for my number and gave me many compliments! I just ignore his texts as I find it creepy, I haven't spoken or seen him for a few days. Anyway today when I was on the bus, he came on! I didn't look at him, he sat a few seats infront of me. He was with his friend and I heard him say ''The girl behind, I like''. His friend looked at me. When I got off the bus he said to me ''Hello (my name)'' and I just smiled and blanked him, I can tell he wanted to speak to me, he looked well sad. Did I do the right thing or am I being too harsh? I'm not sure if his a creep or just a shy guy?

    Yes I know I was harsh :|

    Oh btw his 22 and I'm 17.
    Shame on you.

    In about a months time you'll be wondering why you never meet the right type of guys.

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