My boyfriend won't go abroad with me. Am I being unreasonable?

You know the feeling, when you really need a holiday. I have that so bad at the moment, and I'm one of those people that doesn't really class going away in the UK as a proper holiday. Not in this weather. None of my friends are up for a holiday, as they have already been pretty much, with other people.

I really want to go with my boyfriend. I see loads of other couples going away abroad together, but he refuses to come with me, and it makes me really sad. He sort of has PTSD and it means that he worries himself sick whenever he goes away from home. He gets worried that something will happen whilst he is away. He's only been away abroad once, to Ireland, with family.

I get really sad about it, and he sees how sad it makes me that I can't go away with him. Am I being unreasonable to want to go away with him!?

Reply 1

Studentus-anonymous

12

Would you go somewhere with him you didn't want to go to?

Boyfriends aren't pets, they aren't there just to do all the fun little pet things you want to do with them, if you want to go on holiday and he doesn't then go on holiday yourself or with some other friends.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Studentus-anonymous

Would you go somewhere with him you didn't want to go to?

Boyfriends aren't pets, they aren't there just to do all the fun little pet things you want to do with them, if you want to go on holiday and he doesn't then go on holiday yourself or with some other friends.

I do all the time! He likes walking in the countryside, I hate doing it but I go along because I know he likes me being there and wants it to be a couple activity. I go to the gym everyday, which I hate, only to get fitter so I can hill walk and go up mountains with him eventually because I can't atm as I'm too unfit.

Good question though because it's made me realise that I shouldn't be doing all that stuff if he won't even go away with me, or at least see someone to sort out his fear.

Reply 3

ilex_noemi

11

Its a phobia! A bit different form doing an activity just to please someone.

You don't like hill walking but you're not scared of it so therefore you would do it with him to be there for him. He would probably do the same for you but phobias are a bit more serious.

Therapy is an option or it could possible go away in a few years. Did he have a bad experience in Ireland?

Reply 4

Climbontoyourseahorse

9

I somehow get the feeling that a large part of your desire to go abroad with your boyfriend is so that you can be like other couples. Maybe you feel like it's an essential element of couplehood - if that's even a word. Well, it's not essential. And any Facebook holiday album is only going to capture the good times.

Reply 5

Robbob16

You are being unreasonable, yeah. Stop thinking about him seeing you upset and start thinking about his issues, it can't be easy for him.

This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

Reply 6

ash77

Why coax him into something he's seriosuly not comfortable with, instead get him into therapy so he can rid of the phobia. Its not like he's doing this on purpose right, so dont stress him up with this, i am sure he cannot see you all grieving over this. So you can go for holidays may b once he's treated and you gotta be understanding here and help him out of this.
Cheers

Reply 7

misst911

15

You have to respect that he has trouble with it. You can talk to him about it and see if he'll try, but how much fun is it going to be if he's not happy?

Yes. /end thread

Original post by Studentus-anonymous

Would you go somewhere with him you didn't want to go to?

Boyfriends aren't pets, they aren't there just to do all the fun little pet things you want to do with them, if you want to go on holiday and he doesn't then go on holiday yourself or with some other friends.

Agreed.

My boyfriend won't go abroad with me. Am I being unreasonable?

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