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Does this sentence make sense?

I'm writing a short story for English about a guy with agoraphobia and I wanted to start of with 'My feelings are juxtapose; I feel free, finally in control but the fear of leaving my sanctuary still succumbs me' I don't if that makes sense, please help! :smile:


Posted from TSR Mobile
(edited 11 years ago)
Reply 1
Yeh.. not really i'm afraid. There is a strong temptation in creative work to overdo the language, in fact it can still sound good without trying to employ words from outside of everyday vocabulary.

You could say that you are torn or in two minds and that you still succumb to your fear.

I am in two minds, free and yet constrained. Finally the master of my fear and yet at once paralysed by it.
My advice is the sentence is unnecessarily long, if you were to cut it down, it will bring more structure and clarity to it.

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