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I am thinking of quitting university to find a reason to live. Help?
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You won't find a reason to live by quitting uni, and you'll probably make yourself more miserable in the process. I think if you wait it out, you'll find yourself a good job and a good house and a good life. They may not be things you value now but they will be. Your reason to live can be someone you love, a partner maybe. But until you meet them, you just have to keep working and a respectable degree at a good uni will help you. It will make you a more valuable person, and that will make you more attractive. This sounds very cynical until you realise that if you drop out, you won't have any sense of purpose, and you'll just be shooting yourself in the foot in your effort of trying to find one.
Tbh, I think it's because you're a student that you have lots of spare time, and this is leading you to think like this. Do more with your life, and you'll have more to live for.
How could dropping out give you a reason to live?
Tbh, I think it's because you're a student that you have lots of spare time, and this is leading you to think like this. Do more with your life, and you'll have more to live for.
How could dropping out give you a reason to live?
Original post by Yellowquiet
I'm not too sure about how to get in contact with GP/Councillor, but I think it's on one of the millions of leaflets I was given during freshers.
Probably! Everyone always immediately forgets that stuff. I've looked it all up for you and PM'ed you back. Hope it helps.
Original post by willbee
(1)You won't find a reason to live by quitting uni, and you'll probably make yourself more miserable in the process. I think if you wait it out, you'll find yourself a good job and a good house and a good life. They may not be things you value now but they will be. Your reason to live can be someone you love, a partner maybe. But until you meet them, you just have to keep working and a respectable degree at a good uni will help you. It will make you a more valuable person, and that will make you more attractive. This sounds very cynical until you realise that if you drop out, you won't have any sense of purpose, and you'll just be shooting yourself in the foot in your effort of trying to find one.
(2) Tbh, I think it's because you're a student that you have lots of spare time, and this is leading you to think like this. Do more with your life, and you'll have more to live for.
(3) How could dropping out give you a reason to live?
(2) Tbh, I think it's because you're a student that you have lots of spare time, and this is leading you to think like this. Do more with your life, and you'll have more to live for.
(3) How could dropping out give you a reason to live?
(1) These are all things that are viewed in the eyes of society as a good life; get a good job, get a good house, fill it with all of your good material desires, find a good wife, start a good family, retire, potter around in a worn out body unable to do much of the things that you'd 'have liked to have done had you this level of freedom back then', then die. This is not what I want or aim to achieve for a number of reasons. I'm fed up of supporting this 'human livestock' style of living, where we're just free-range workers to the 'higher-ups' who give us values and harvest us through taxes in return for 'letting us live on their land', which is a pretty ridiculous concept but I'm not going to get any deeper into that.
My point is, just because that is what a lot of people want, or think they want, it's not necessarily for everyone. To me, it appears to promote a lot of things that I disagree with, and so I'm not willing yet to convert myself to this mentality.
(2) If I had spare time, I wouldn't be anywhere near as stressed! I'd have time to get the work done, exercise, eat properly and start doing things from the list I mentioned in the OP, all of which would almost certainly improve my mood. I would probably still be having this existential crisis, but it wouldn't be bundled with all of the other baggage.
(3) Because there's a whole world out there outside of the academic institutions that I've spent all of my memorable life in, and there's no lecturer in the world who is good enough to replace the experiences you will face out there. Yes, it will probably be tricky and stressful at times but it will be real! Here, I am in a place that facilitates learning through hypothetical situations, and teaches you the same things as it teaches everyone else: only what is relevant for working and paying back your 'debt to society' and university loan. But out there, there is a real world that facilitates learning through real situations and teaches you different, often completely unique things, and it doesn't expect anything in return! It trains you physically and emotionally as well as intellectually, and that is what I want and need, I think.
I hope you can understand where I am coming from. The difference is in the nature of our desires, and as alien as my desires sound to you, that's probably about as alien as your desires sound to me. Not good or bad, just very different.
Original post by Yellowquiet
(1) These are all things that are viewed in the eyes of society as a good life; get a good job, get a good house, fill it with all of your good material desires, find a good wife, start a good family, retire, potter around in a worn out body unable to do much of the things that you'd 'have liked to have done had you this level of freedom back then', then die. This is not what I want or aim to achieve for a number of reasons. I'm fed up of supporting this 'human livestock' style of living, where we're just free-range workers to the 'higher-ups' who give us values and harvest us through taxes in return for 'letting us live on their land', which is a pretty ridiculous concept but I'm not going to get any deeper into that.
My point is, just because that is what a lot of people want, or think they want, it's not necessarily for everyone. To me, it appears to promote a lot of things that I disagree with, and so I'm not willing yet to convert myself to this mentality.
(2) If I had spare time, I wouldn't be anywhere near as stressed! I'd have time to get the work done, exercise, eat properly and start doing things from the list I mentioned in the OP, all of which would almost certainly improve my mood. I would probably still be having this existential crisis, but it wouldn't be bundled with all of the other baggage.
(3) Because there's a whole world out there outside of the academic institutions that I've spent all of my memorable life in, and there's no lecturer in the world who is good enough to replace the experiences you will face out there. Yes, it will probably be tricky and stressful at times but it will be real! Here, I am in a place that facilitates learning through hypothetical situations, and teaches you the same things as it teaches everyone else: only what is relevant for working and paying back your 'debt to society' and university loan. But out there, there is a real world that facilitates learning through real situations and teaches you different, often completely unique things, and it doesn't expect anything in return! It trains you physically and emotionally as well as intellectually, and that is what I want and need, I think.
I hope you can understand where I am coming from. The difference is in the nature of our desires, and as alien as my desires sound to you, that's probably about as alien as your desires sound to me. Not good or bad, just very different.
My point is, just because that is what a lot of people want, or think they want, it's not necessarily for everyone. To me, it appears to promote a lot of things that I disagree with, and so I'm not willing yet to convert myself to this mentality.
(2) If I had spare time, I wouldn't be anywhere near as stressed! I'd have time to get the work done, exercise, eat properly and start doing things from the list I mentioned in the OP, all of which would almost certainly improve my mood. I would probably still be having this existential crisis, but it wouldn't be bundled with all of the other baggage.
(3) Because there's a whole world out there outside of the academic institutions that I've spent all of my memorable life in, and there's no lecturer in the world who is good enough to replace the experiences you will face out there. Yes, it will probably be tricky and stressful at times but it will be real! Here, I am in a place that facilitates learning through hypothetical situations, and teaches you the same things as it teaches everyone else: only what is relevant for working and paying back your 'debt to society' and university loan. But out there, there is a real world that facilitates learning through real situations and teaches you different, often completely unique things, and it doesn't expect anything in return! It trains you physically and emotionally as well as intellectually, and that is what I want and need, I think.
I hope you can understand where I am coming from. The difference is in the nature of our desires, and as alien as my desires sound to you, that's probably about as alien as your desires sound to me. Not good or bad, just very different.
Your missing my point. I don't think any of the things you highlighted in my post will provide you with a reason to live, but tbh I don't think there is much of a reason to live beyond the instinct to survive and the idea that being alive is better than being dead. The reason I'd advise you to stay at uni though is that a good quality of life is well within your grasp, as opposed to floundering about outside of the system trying to swim against the tide and do something worthy with your life whilst paying your way through life and finding happiness. Most people achieve happiness, a sense of purpose and thus a reason for living by fulfilling their goals. I think it highly likely that you are in that majority because you are already at a Russell Group Uni doing a "respectable degree" whatever that may be. I'd be interested to know which uni you're at though, and what your degree is because I think knowing that would help us judge whether or not you'd be capable of "swimming against the tide" or going your own way and still becoming successful. I wouldn't advise you to drop out if you don't have a plan for an alternative, but if you do and it's viable and you've already proved you can do it by getting into a top uni or if you've got experience doing things on your own (e.g. travelling alone instead of a packaged gap year) or if following your alternative plan is financially viable, then by all means drop out and go your own way.
I just think it sounds as if you're having one of those moments where you go "what am I doing with my life?" but I wouldn't advise you to make any drastic changes unless you're absolutely sure you've already got a lot of get up and go inside you. Otherwise, any desire to "search for this reason to live for" is gonna be substantially diminished a year down the line when you've dropped out and taken a ****ty job and not done anything you thought you were going to.
So I guess I'm being cynical and advising you not to be idealistic.
I respect your urge to reject materialism but I wonder how realistically you can do this? How many jobs have you had? Do you really appreciate the value of money?
I don't mean to be patronising, but I have a friend at uni who talks about his dream of living "the simple life", and he sounds a lot like a Romantic poet idealising the life of Piers Plowman and glorifying the spirituality of a life that in reality is full of poverty and struggling to get by.
I understand that real life teaches more than uni in a lot of scenarios but tbh I don't think I could realistically obtain a job that would bring me pleasure (not just a decent salary) without going to uni. Our society currently requires you to be a graduate to train for certain jobs even though the degree you study need not necessarily be related to the job you train for.
Perhaps you have thought this through, on a financial and practical level, but from your posts you just seem like someone with their head in the clouds. Although I don't agree with the system, I think it is difficult to get a leg up to higher tier jobs without a uni degree and I wonder whether you'd really be able to achieve this after dropping out. I just don't think you'd do yourself any favours, unless you've got enough drive that you think you should already be working (in which case you probably wouldn't be discussing materialistic desires).
Essentially, you can disagree with the system, but you're still a part of it and you're a better person than me if you can get your dream life without working through "the system". I think I understand where you're coming from but you misjudge my desires as being totally alien to yours. You should read "The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost. A lot of people would like to transcend this "human livestock style of living" as you put it, but realistically most of us probably can't do that and maintain a decent quality of life.
So I suppose I'm just asking if (and you should put your desires aside for this) you can realistically see yourself dropping out of uni and still managing to get to be where you want to be in 10 years' time?
Remember that what you want will have changed dramatically and try remembering what you thought ten years ago of what you'd be doing when you grew up. Because I can see that you want "real life experience" but you must realise that all experience is life experience, even if uni life seems somewhat cushy and generic, it is still immensely valuable, in ways you may not understand until afterwards.
So if you reply to this then please do the following:
1) tell me what you wanted to do with your life ten years ago, and how similar/different that is to where you are now?
2) tell me where you see yourself in 10 years' time and what you would like to have achieved?
3) explain what you will benefit from by dropping out of uni now?
4) can you realistically achieve your goals without following the "system"?
I'm not trying to say that you can't live alternatively and successfully, just that it doesn't really work for most people...
Original post by willbee
Your missing my point. I don't think any of the things you highlighted in my post will provide you with a reason to live, but tbh I don't think there is much of a reason to live beyond the instinct to survive and the idea that being alive is better than being dead. The reason I'd advise you to stay at uni though is that a good quality of life is well within your grasp, as opposed to floundering about outside of the system trying to swim against the tide and do something worthy with your life whilst paying your way through life and finding happiness. Most people achieve happiness, a sense of purpose and thus a reason for living by fulfilling their goals. I think it highly likely that you are in that majority because you are already at a Russell Group Uni doing a "respectable degree" whatever that may be. I'd be interested to know which uni you're at though, and what your degree is because I think knowing that would help us judge whether or not you'd be capable of "swimming against the tide" or going your own way and still becoming successful. I wouldn't advise you to drop out if you don't have a plan for an alternative, but if you do and it's viable and you've already proved you can do it by getting into a top uni or if you've got experience doing things on your own (e.g. travelling alone instead of a packaged gap year) or if following your alternative plan is financially viable, then by all means drop out and go your own way.
I just think it sounds as if you're having one of those moments where you go "what am I doing with my life?" but I wouldn't advise you to make any drastic changes unless you're absolutely sure you've already got a lot of get up and go inside you. Otherwise, any desire to "search for this reason to live for" is gonna be substantially diminished a year down the line when you've dropped out and taken a ****ty job and not done anything you thought you were going to.
So I guess I'm being cynical and advising you not to be idealistic.
(A) I respect your urge to reject materialism but I wonder how realistically you can do this? How many jobs have you had? Do you really appreciate the value of money?
(B) I don't mean to be patronising, but I have a friend at uni who talks about his dream of living "the simple life", and he sounds a lot like a Romantic poet idealising the life of Piers Plowman and glorifying the spirituality of a life that in reality is full of poverty and struggling to get by.
I understand that real life teaches more than uni in a lot of scenarios but tbh I don't think I could realistically obtain a job that would bring me pleasure (not just a decent salary) without going to uni. Our society currently requires you to be a graduate to train for certain jobs even though the degree you study need not necessarily be related to the job you train for.
(C) Perhaps you have thought this through, on a financial and practical level, but from your posts you just seem like someone with their head in the clouds. Although I don't agree with the system, I think it is difficult to get a leg up to higher tier jobs without a uni degree and I wonder whether you'd really be able to achieve this after dropping out. I just don't think you'd do yourself any favours, unless you've got enough drive that you think you should already be working (in which case you probably wouldn't be discussing materialistic desires).
(D) Essentially, you can disagree with the system, but you're still a part of it and you're a better person than me if you can get your dream life without working through "the system". I think I understand where you're coming from but you misjudge my desires as being totally alien to yours. You should read "The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost. A lot of people would like to transcend this "human livestock style of living" as you put it, but realistically most of us probably can't do that and maintain a decent quality of life.
(E) So I suppose I'm just asking if (and you should put your desires aside for this) you can realistically see yourself dropping out of uni and still managing to get to be where you want to be in 10 years' time?
Remember that what you want will have changed dramatically and try remembering what you thought ten years ago of what you'd be doing when you grew up. Because I can see that you want "real life experience" but you must realise that all experience is life experience, even if uni life seems somewhat cushy and generic, it is still immensely valuable, in ways you may not understand until afterwards.
(F) So if you reply to this then please do the following:
1) tell me what you wanted to do with your life ten years ago, and how similar/different that is to where you are now?
2) tell me where you see yourself in 10 years' time and what you would like to have achieved?
3) explain what you will benefit from by dropping out of uni now?
4) can you realistically achieve your goals without following the "system"?
I'm not trying to say that you can't live alternatively and successfully, just that it doesn't really work for most people...
I just think it sounds as if you're having one of those moments where you go "what am I doing with my life?" but I wouldn't advise you to make any drastic changes unless you're absolutely sure you've already got a lot of get up and go inside you. Otherwise, any desire to "search for this reason to live for" is gonna be substantially diminished a year down the line when you've dropped out and taken a ****ty job and not done anything you thought you were going to.
So I guess I'm being cynical and advising you not to be idealistic.
(A) I respect your urge to reject materialism but I wonder how realistically you can do this? How many jobs have you had? Do you really appreciate the value of money?
(B) I don't mean to be patronising, but I have a friend at uni who talks about his dream of living "the simple life", and he sounds a lot like a Romantic poet idealising the life of Piers Plowman and glorifying the spirituality of a life that in reality is full of poverty and struggling to get by.
I understand that real life teaches more than uni in a lot of scenarios but tbh I don't think I could realistically obtain a job that would bring me pleasure (not just a decent salary) without going to uni. Our society currently requires you to be a graduate to train for certain jobs even though the degree you study need not necessarily be related to the job you train for.
(C) Perhaps you have thought this through, on a financial and practical level, but from your posts you just seem like someone with their head in the clouds. Although I don't agree with the system, I think it is difficult to get a leg up to higher tier jobs without a uni degree and I wonder whether you'd really be able to achieve this after dropping out. I just don't think you'd do yourself any favours, unless you've got enough drive that you think you should already be working (in which case you probably wouldn't be discussing materialistic desires).
(D) Essentially, you can disagree with the system, but you're still a part of it and you're a better person than me if you can get your dream life without working through "the system". I think I understand where you're coming from but you misjudge my desires as being totally alien to yours. You should read "The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost. A lot of people would like to transcend this "human livestock style of living" as you put it, but realistically most of us probably can't do that and maintain a decent quality of life.
(E) So I suppose I'm just asking if (and you should put your desires aside for this) you can realistically see yourself dropping out of uni and still managing to get to be where you want to be in 10 years' time?
Remember that what you want will have changed dramatically and try remembering what you thought ten years ago of what you'd be doing when you grew up. Because I can see that you want "real life experience" but you must realise that all experience is life experience, even if uni life seems somewhat cushy and generic, it is still immensely valuable, in ways you may not understand until afterwards.
(F) So if you reply to this then please do the following:
1) tell me what you wanted to do with your life ten years ago, and how similar/different that is to where you are now?
2) tell me where you see yourself in 10 years' time and what you would like to have achieved?
3) explain what you will benefit from by dropping out of uni now?
4) can you realistically achieve your goals without following the "system"?
I'm not trying to say that you can't live alternatively and successfully, just that it doesn't really work for most people...
Thank you very much for your reply. It's interesting to speak to someone who isn't afraid to dismiss my worldly delusions.
(A) I don't reject the idea of materialism, I just haven't found anything that I would like to buy without necessity; I appreciate that money is useful for accessing food supplies, clothing and utilities, as well as non-material entertainment such as traveling, so I definitely aspire to get a good enough job to support these things. I haven't ever had a job, so I probably don't appreciate money anywhere near as much as I should. Sometimes, I'll think 'I should buy a telescope,' or something to that effect, but at the same time, even if I bought it, how long would it entertain me for? There's a whole universe out there, but it's always the same stars every night, and I can see the beauty of them well enough without a telescope, so I don't buy one. (Having said that, I'm pretty sure there's gonna be a huge rise in the number of people interested in space this year, but that's a whole other topic.)
(B) I definitely don't want 'the simple life'; that would be a step in the wrong direction! I understand the desire for 'simpler times', but I definitely wouldn't want to sacrifice the complexity of modern life; with the complexity comes lots of things that makes survival easier, even if life gets harder.
(C) I am very much someone with my head in the clouds a lot of the time; on some level, I really dislike the reality that surrounds us, and so I cover it in clouds to avoid having to look at it, but it's still there. Also, to me, a job is not a goal; it is a means to an end... although in this financial climate I can see why people would consider getting a job a goal.
(D) Deep down in my heart, I honestly believe that if enough people took the initiative it would be entirely possible to live outside of the system without detracting from the quality of life, but realistically if I ran away now I'd just become someone living in a forest somewhere with a sleeping bag, constantly wet and cold and hungry and lonely.
(E) I don't know where I want to be, which is half the battle. I don't have a goal in life other than not to regret it on my death bed... which is a very vague goal and does not promote any sort of career path.
(F)
1) I didn't know back then what I wanted to do with my life, and the only difference is that I didn't care back then.
2) Ideally, I would like to have achieved some degree of happiness with my life. Exactly how I would achieve that is highly debatable.
3) Relief of the mental anguish I feel now... although I am potentially just setting myself up for a harder time later.
4) I don't have any goals yet, but if/when I get some, the answer is realistically going to be no.
(edited 11 years ago)
Original post by Yellowquiet
Thank you very much for your reply. It's interesting to speak to someone who isn't afraid to dismiss my worldly delusions.
(A) I don't reject the idea of materialism, I just haven't found anything that I would like to buy without necessity; I appreciate that money is useful for accessing food supplies, clothing and utilities, as well as non-material entertainment such as traveling, so I definitely aspire to get a good enough job to support these things. I haven't ever had a job, so I probably don't appreciate money anywhere near as much as I should. Sometimes, I'll think 'I should buy a telescope,' or something to that effect, but at the same time, even if I bought it, how long would it entertain me for? There's a whole universe out there, but it's always the same stars every night, and I can see the beauty of them well enough without a telescope, so I don't buy one. (Having said that, I'm pretty sure there's gonna be a huge rise in the number of people interested in space this year, but that's a whole other topic.)
(B) I definitely don't want 'the simple life'; that would be a step in the wrong direction! I understand the desire for 'simpler times', but I definitely wouldn't want to sacrifice the complexity of modern life; with the complexity comes lots of things that makes survival easier, even if life gets harder.
(C) I am very much someone with my head in the clouds a lot of the time; on some level, I really dislike the reality that surrounds us, and so I cover it in clouds to avoid having to look at it, but it's still there. Also, to me, a job is not a goal; it is a means to an end... although in this financial climate I can see why people would consider getting a job a goal.
(D) Deep down in my heart, I honestly believe that if enough people took the initiative it would be entirely possible to live outside of the system without detracting from the quality of life, but realistically if I ran away now I'd just become someone living in a forest somewhere with a sleeping bag, constantly wet and cold and hungry and lonely.
(E) I don't know where I want to be, which is half the battle. I don't have a goal in life other than not to regret it on my death bed... which is a very vague goal and does not promote any sort of career path.
(F)
1) I didn't know back then what I wanted to do with my life, and the only difference is that I didn't care back then.
2) Ideally, I would like to have achieved some degree of happiness with my life. Exactly how I would achieve that is highly debatable.
3) Relief of the mental anguish I feel now... although I am potentially just setting myself up for a harder time later.
4) I don't have any goals yet, but if/when I get some, the answer is realistically going to be no.
(A) I don't reject the idea of materialism, I just haven't found anything that I would like to buy without necessity; I appreciate that money is useful for accessing food supplies, clothing and utilities, as well as non-material entertainment such as traveling, so I definitely aspire to get a good enough job to support these things. I haven't ever had a job, so I probably don't appreciate money anywhere near as much as I should. Sometimes, I'll think 'I should buy a telescope,' or something to that effect, but at the same time, even if I bought it, how long would it entertain me for? There's a whole universe out there, but it's always the same stars every night, and I can see the beauty of them well enough without a telescope, so I don't buy one. (Having said that, I'm pretty sure there's gonna be a huge rise in the number of people interested in space this year, but that's a whole other topic.)
(B) I definitely don't want 'the simple life'; that would be a step in the wrong direction! I understand the desire for 'simpler times', but I definitely wouldn't want to sacrifice the complexity of modern life; with the complexity comes lots of things that makes survival easier, even if life gets harder.
(C) I am very much someone with my head in the clouds a lot of the time; on some level, I really dislike the reality that surrounds us, and so I cover it in clouds to avoid having to look at it, but it's still there. Also, to me, a job is not a goal; it is a means to an end... although in this financial climate I can see why people would consider getting a job a goal.
(D) Deep down in my heart, I honestly believe that if enough people took the initiative it would be entirely possible to live outside of the system without detracting from the quality of life, but realistically if I ran away now I'd just become someone living in a forest somewhere with a sleeping bag, constantly wet and cold and hungry and lonely.
(E) I don't know where I want to be, which is half the battle. I don't have a goal in life other than not to regret it on my death bed... which is a very vague goal and does not promote any sort of career path.
(F)
1) I didn't know back then what I wanted to do with my life, and the only difference is that I didn't care back then.
2) Ideally, I would like to have achieved some degree of happiness with my life. Exactly how I would achieve that is highly debatable.
3) Relief of the mental anguish I feel now... although I am potentially just setting myself up for a harder time later.
4) I don't have any goals yet, but if/when I get some, the answer is realistically going to be no.
Right, well with that in mind, I would again advise you to stay at uni. Lots of people at uni don't know what they want to do with their lives or where they want to go, but it doesn't hurt to stay on at uni as this can provide you with more opportunities to explore potential future employment prospects than you otherwise would have access to. I don't know about your uni but in my weekly emails there is usually some sort of careers related event happening somewhere. Considering yours is in the Russell Group I expect you have regular career-based events, so perhaps you can gain some direction by attending a few of those.
I don't think it is necessarily university that is giving you "mental anguish" just perhaps the realisation that you can't really avoid joining the humdrum system of living eventually, as unappealing as it may be. I think often when you have a job, you find yourself thinking less thoughts like this, partly because you don't have time but also partly because you enjoy your job, or at least the sense of fulfilment and self-worth that comes from earning your own money.
I'm like you in that I have no ambitions beyond personal happiness really. I think this includes being able to afford nice things though, so getting a decent paid job is important.
I think to quite a lot of people who have reached uni and never had a job, getting one can be quite daunting, even unattractive, but when you get a job you gain a lot of confidence and self-worth and if it isn't a particularly pleasant job then it motivates you to looking into propelling yourself into a better one.
I'd really advise you to get a job, you will get plenty of real experience from having one and I think it's much better to graduate with a bit of basic work experience than without. Perhaps in the summer you could get a job if you're swamped with work at the moment?
No offence intended but I reckon you probably don't really understand the value of money or the importance of a good career in order to get that. You need a job really or some self-made business to realise what things are worth and more importantly what you are worth to the system as a whole. When I was working for a debt management company, my work was worth £6 an hour, the same as when I was pot-washing at my local. I now work at Next and earn under minimum wage because I'm still 19. My current job is more complicated, requiring more skills, knowledge and effort, but I am paid less because I am worth less.
I think the reason you're thinking like this is partly because you haven't had a job before, partly because you're still in your first few years of freedom and independence (presumably living away from home) and partly because you are (presumably) getting a loan with loads of money to spend (which feels like free money) and you haven't had to do anything to earn it except go to class and sign on to your course. Like all young people, you want to experience as much as you can and like a lot of students you wonder if uni is worth the money. You don't see getting a job as a goal, so I wonder if you've ever tried to get one, it depends on where you live but it is actually often much harder than you'd think.
A job is a means to an end but there is no reason why you can't choose one which is enjoyable and fulfilling. A job can be a means to an end and only that, but Working at Next, for me, is enjoyable and fulfilling. Working as a pot-washer was as well, it took me a long time to get that summer job, and I felt like my job was important and necessary (even if anyone could have done it.) Working as a waiter on the other hand was not fulfilling because most of the time I was looking for things to do or standing by the bar, I never felt as though I'd truly deserved what I earned.
As for regrets on your deathbed, my mum says "You only regret the things you DON'T do" and that's so true. I think you'd regret dropping out of uni, just as you'll regret not going to those careers talks in a year or so (if you choose not to go to them). I think it's a good thing that your 10 year goal is pretty general because that makes it easier to achieve. So to conclude:
1) Get a job soon (over the summer if not now)
2) Go to a careers fair / event / whatever your uni has to offer so you can start thinking about what you'll do next and get excited about the future rather than disdainful.
3) Go with the flow with regards to the future, it's so unpredictable anyway, there's a saying that goes "Life is what happens to us while we're planning other things" and so if I were you I would stop worrying about finding a reason to live for and just live. You'll work out the point of it as you get nearer the end.
Edit: and I would also advise you to take a year out and go on placement, but you should try and get a job before you do so, so you can have a bit of experience in a working environment
(edited 11 years ago)
Original post by Yellowquiet
To put it simply, I need to decide whether or not to continue university, but more than that, I need a reason to continue to live. I'm not suicidal by any means, but the lack of any visible direction in my life is leaving me feeling trapped, depressed and slowly driving me insane. This has been snowballing for a few years now, but it's reaching a tipping point now and I need to make a decision very soon—ideally by the end of the week—and because I want to make sure the best decision possible is made, I thought I'd get as many thoughts and opinions as I can. Since there are a lot of reasons I am in this situation, I typed everything I thought was significant and divided them up to make it easier to interpret.
Where I stand now:
How I got here:
My unviersity experience so far:
The alternative:
Things I am confused about:
It's taken me 5 hours to convert my thoughts into words, and those words into a semi-logical order. If you read everything, then thank you; I know there's a lot there, and I am grateful to you for taking the time to read it. If you vote on the poll, please post your reasons for the vote below so that I can see your thought process. If you don't vote on the poll but have thoughts/comments/advice for me, then feel free to leave them below as well. I've seen the advice this community has given to other people and I think it's exactly what I need to solve this problem.
- Yellowquiet
Where I stand now:
Spoiler
How I got here:
Spoiler
My unviersity experience so far:
Spoiler
The alternative:
Spoiler
Things I am confused about:
Spoiler
It's taken me 5 hours to convert my thoughts into words, and those words into a semi-logical order. If you read everything, then thank you; I know there's a lot there, and I am grateful to you for taking the time to read it. If you vote on the poll, please post your reasons for the vote below so that I can see your thought process. If you don't vote on the poll but have thoughts/comments/advice for me, then feel free to leave them below as well. I've seen the advice this community has given to other people and I think it's exactly what I need to solve this problem.
- Yellowquiet
Stick with uni. Having got this far you may as well see it through to the end of your course.
Being a graduate doesnt mean that you have to join the rat race. Nowt wrong with learning for its own sake.
In your shoes i would take advantage of living away from home and seek to join common interest groups outside of uni. Im a non drinker and this worked for me.
For what its worth i think young people have to make decisions that theyre not fully equipped to make. It wasnt until after uni at 21/22 that i found what i wanted to do but im glad that i finished uni because my degree is there for if i have different plans later.
Best of luck to you.
A question for everyone who voted 'Stay' (and everyone who hasn't voted yet):
Around 80% of people who voted on the poll voted for me to stay, and for the moment that is what I am doing, but based on some of the responses I would like to propose an alternative question for you: What about taking a year out? If I dropped the course now temporarily and picked it back up in 2013 (or 2014), so in the end I still study for and obtain a degree but at the same time I would (in theory) have sorted out my thoughts a bit and be more motivated/less distracted in my studies. I could try to sort it out alongside my degree (as I am at the moment), but I can really relate to the saying "If you chase two rabbits, you will lose both of them," at the moment; I can't remember much because I'm constantly partly distracted, and I think that failing the first year is pretty inevitable at the moment.
Around 80% of people who voted on the poll voted for me to stay, and for the moment that is what I am doing, but based on some of the responses I would like to propose an alternative question for you: What about taking a year out? If I dropped the course now temporarily and picked it back up in 2013 (or 2014), so in the end I still study for and obtain a degree but at the same time I would (in theory) have sorted out my thoughts a bit and be more motivated/less distracted in my studies. I could try to sort it out alongside my degree (as I am at the moment), but I can really relate to the saying "If you chase two rabbits, you will lose both of them," at the moment; I can't remember much because I'm constantly partly distracted, and I think that failing the first year is pretty inevitable at the moment.
Much props for making this thread, that alone is a very big step - and your posts show you clearly have a good head on you so if all else fails you'll have that to guide you.
It's an incredibly tough thing this because you can't know which way your life's going to go, and naturally you'll worry that you may be filled with regret in doing either the dropping/not-dropping. I've read the thread, and I've been in a position where I spent the year direction-less and unmotivated, and am now at a slightly better (but not at exactly where I wish to be).
I spent the past year seriously unmotivated because a lot of my subject areas didn't interest me the slightest - I ended up missing a lot of classes and subsequently failed pretty hard. I spent a lot of that time down - I slept in a lot, filled my time with doing meaningless things during the nights, and truly had very little social interaction during that year. The social bit seems to apply to you less, but bear in mind I was in my final year of college/high school where there's a lot less people. I think the uncertainty itself was one of the reason why my workload and stuff not done just compounded - how can you commit to something when you're not truly sure if you want to do it? How can you put the hours in? Truth is, you can't really, it makes no logical sense to be doing something that you yourself don't fully agree with. My story right now is a little happier than before - I did a whole variety of A levels (5 As's) and found one that I thought I could go with - Computer Science, and right now whilst I'm still suffering from the after-effects of doing very little work during the past year, I'm finding it bearable. Though going back to the uncertainty issue - I originally got rejected from my insurance (also a Russel Group) for missing my grade in Maths by 5 marks - that week following on from results day was literally me struggling to cope with the constant depression. I did my utmost best to fight them and get them to let me in - but the uncertainty of my life - I really had nowhere else to be, no plans for a gap and didn't want to settle for clearing and do a course I wouldn't be okay really got me. In the end, life being what it was through me a lifeline and gave me a remark that took the grade up, and that helped somewhat.
But there are a few reasons to why I'm doing better now (not to say I still don't have my bad days, or the first half-term of uni where I had a few weeks of it due to ridiculous workload), and I'll try and relate them to you as best as possible so you may gain something from them below.
But firstly - in my mind the answer to your question, the best one would be to take year off, and then see where that takes you. If you want to come back to the degree, then great, if not then perhaps it really isn't the one for you. But this option, gives you a break, but also gives you the guarantee of having someplace to be if it all goes ballsup. But really the only thing keeping me in uni and doing the work is because I have some interest in it - some small area that I wouldn't mind doing into that I can sort of relate what I'm doing in my degree to. Without that - I really wouldn't be able to cope. I took Maths, Chemistry, Physics with very little interest in them - I seldom ever put the work in. As I said in the previous paragraph, if you don't have a reason to really want to be doing that (aside from the guilt factors like 'you should feel privilleged' and 'the alternative could be worse' etc), then you'll really struggle. In my mind, any time you buy now towards a year off would be time gained. I mean be real - you're not going to wake up in Easter and find suddenly you love your course. It'll just continue.
Anyway on to the aforementioned improvements in my life that may be of use to you:
1) You have to be doing something concrete.
I don't count the degree as 'concrete'. Concrete is something formal, that requires you to do, that has other people holding you accountable to do, but something that achieves something for you. A job is concrete. From your hobby list - none of them themselves are concrete if you do them on your own. However, if you find a music partner (or tutor, but I say partner as you mentioned your finances), a club that you enjoy where you can write your book with, some formal group that you can join, a short course of some sort. Because doing your hobbies on your own assume you'll motivate yourself to do them - and that's one of the toughest things for people to do. For me, my degree isn't concrete either. But what are: 1) I took a short course in web programming. It was weekly for 10 weeks, £400 and from Oct to Decemeber, but it was the only area of programming/computer science (and that's not in my degree hence so I count it as something separate) that actually interested me. I did the set work. I enjoyed it. I learnt stuff. It'd been a year and a half since I'd felt that. I'd recommend that if you have the money or can raise it. Do short courses. 2) I started attending a weekly group that I feel good around. Albeit I knew some of the people that went, but I went because the topic interested me. It was a free sort-of-religious gathering, but more-so where people come in and give short talks on areas of the religion, and whilst learning things I also got to interact with some great people. You never know whom you'll get with groups, but people on balance tend to lean more towards the good end, so you'll more than likely get lucky. (And on a side note, I don't know whether you're religious or not - but I find their comes great willingness to help another out in pretty much all faiths - I lost my faith during my downtime but attending the weekly place of worship has got me really up. If you're in the London area, I'd be more than happy to give you the details, it's not faith specific and mostly I just go for the good people (all our age)).
Those are just two things, but those two things were pretty huge and pretty much outweighed any downers - even though it was only two days a week, it made them good weeks. Aside from those, I did smaller things too - I started playing footy every other week with the uni too, which is a great way to relieve stress, and I go gym occasionally now too which is also great (any exercise in my mind is great for tough times - but again not the do it your bedroom type - concrete in joining a footy group or going gym).
Apologies for the length in hitting home that point - but it serves as a warning to you - don't leave your course without concrete alternatives. Those two that I mentioned above, the course and the group, I had in mind even when I thought I'd have to take a gap. Find concrete things to do BEFORE you leave. Otherwise you'll leave and find yourself looking for things to do rather than actually doing them. Make this your absolute priority above all else if you do decide to take the sabbatical - find concrete things. Go all out and get a job, find courses, go onto meetup.com and find groups and check them out beforehand and find ones that you like - make concrete ways of achieving your goals that are reinforced by others - not just your willpower.
2) You need to become good at something.
A lot of my depression stemmed from being 18 years old and not having one single useful skill - nothing at all. Thankfully the short course has given me a base to build from - I still would only fetch minimum wage if I went to get a job in Web programming, but I'll be following up with another 10-week follow on short course that will hopefully have me okayish at it by the end of the academic year. If the degree still doesn't work for me - I'll just follow that. For you - it could potentially be your hobbies. If you make them concrete, and become okayish at them (also, don't aim for 'brilliance' in my view, it only makes things worse. I've learnt to get rid of that and be at ease with with accepting I may not do brilliantly at the course, but that's okay, as long as I learn a decent amount and enjoy it) - then you'll have those skills to use should you also not decide the degree is for you. Even a little thing, being good at an instrument, it helps. Perhaps you do voluntary work and find you really enjoy that - it doesn't have to be learning something - you're good at that and in the future you could use that as a starting point for a new path. Essentially, don't be in a position where you're a nobody with nothing to offer - learn something and be good at it, or be go out there and do things. Again the religious group helps a little with this too - if all else goes balls up I still have that to give me some inner strength through tougher times - it doesn't have to be a religious thing - something like the voluntary work or helping others or whatever could work.
3) You need to find what you want to do.
This ones tough, and really causes you so many problems through the uncertainty. I sort of found out I'd like to do programming sort of stuff through looking at it over time, doing it as an A level, and now actually doing it. But I was incredibly unsure - when I was applying for uni I was stuck between two choices, it's only with hindsight that I can say perhaps I'm in the right direction. Obviously my path is still fairly conventional - I did do things beforehand that got me to the degree, but I was similar to you in that I didn't know whether I really wanted to do Computer Science.
But I stress, it takes time to figure it out. You need to find something that'll keep you going if you do it. Something you want to do. Through doing concrete actions as above, you'll be more at ease to have assess your life and gain new experiences to help direct you - far better than simply living life as a bundle of confusion.
I don't really have that much practical advice for this one, just that it takes time to work it out. I don't know you or your journey really, what interests you and what doesn't. It was essentially a whole load of things that made me go to where I am now. It's still not perfect, but it fits better than the rest. And that doesn't even mean going to uni - you could find you enjoy a job or something and you'd like to work at progression on that route. You'll get time to work on it - but the more practical you are the better. Aside from the practical things you do from point 1, you could try and fall in love with MechEng. I sort of did this with Computer Science, you could go out and find people who're working now, see what their lives are like. Meetup.com or your uni must be bound to have some relevant links. If it still isn't working for you, then perhaps do the same for other areas you think may work for you. In the end - I think you need to find something that offers you the promise of a life you enjoy. Although that sounds like something seriously hard to achieve, really it's not that bad - it's merely the promise of some dream. For me, either getting enough knowledge to make my own programming stuff and perhaps make some money, or do an entry level job in web programming and work in companies I enjoy with work I enjoy. Find what path will offer you something that sounds reasonable.
Aside from that, I'd say stuff life ignore things that bring you down, like seriously just forget them, but really I stress the importance of the above 3 points with particular focus on point 1. You need to fill your days away from the possibility of just wasting them - and that means doing concrete activities. Do that research before you drop if you do go down that path.
Obviously the reality of leaving uni is a tough one itself, there's so much to do and so many people to talk to before you're officially out, but imo it would be best for you. The fees thing is fine - as someone mentioned you can get loans for up to 4 years - so you could still go back and do another full 3 years. I wrote this all out in one go so feel free to bring up anything that seems a jumble, and feel free to send me a message through pm if you wish at all mate.
It's an incredibly tough thing this because you can't know which way your life's going to go, and naturally you'll worry that you may be filled with regret in doing either the dropping/not-dropping. I've read the thread, and I've been in a position where I spent the year direction-less and unmotivated, and am now at a slightly better (but not at exactly where I wish to be).
I spent the past year seriously unmotivated because a lot of my subject areas didn't interest me the slightest - I ended up missing a lot of classes and subsequently failed pretty hard. I spent a lot of that time down - I slept in a lot, filled my time with doing meaningless things during the nights, and truly had very little social interaction during that year. The social bit seems to apply to you less, but bear in mind I was in my final year of college/high school where there's a lot less people. I think the uncertainty itself was one of the reason why my workload and stuff not done just compounded - how can you commit to something when you're not truly sure if you want to do it? How can you put the hours in? Truth is, you can't really, it makes no logical sense to be doing something that you yourself don't fully agree with. My story right now is a little happier than before - I did a whole variety of A levels (5 As's) and found one that I thought I could go with - Computer Science, and right now whilst I'm still suffering from the after-effects of doing very little work during the past year, I'm finding it bearable. Though going back to the uncertainty issue - I originally got rejected from my insurance (also a Russel Group) for missing my grade in Maths by 5 marks - that week following on from results day was literally me struggling to cope with the constant depression. I did my utmost best to fight them and get them to let me in - but the uncertainty of my life - I really had nowhere else to be, no plans for a gap and didn't want to settle for clearing and do a course I wouldn't be okay really got me. In the end, life being what it was through me a lifeline and gave me a remark that took the grade up, and that helped somewhat.
But there are a few reasons to why I'm doing better now (not to say I still don't have my bad days, or the first half-term of uni where I had a few weeks of it due to ridiculous workload), and I'll try and relate them to you as best as possible so you may gain something from them below.
But firstly - in my mind the answer to your question, the best one would be to take year off, and then see where that takes you. If you want to come back to the degree, then great, if not then perhaps it really isn't the one for you. But this option, gives you a break, but also gives you the guarantee of having someplace to be if it all goes ballsup. But really the only thing keeping me in uni and doing the work is because I have some interest in it - some small area that I wouldn't mind doing into that I can sort of relate what I'm doing in my degree to. Without that - I really wouldn't be able to cope. I took Maths, Chemistry, Physics with very little interest in them - I seldom ever put the work in. As I said in the previous paragraph, if you don't have a reason to really want to be doing that (aside from the guilt factors like 'you should feel privilleged' and 'the alternative could be worse' etc), then you'll really struggle. In my mind, any time you buy now towards a year off would be time gained. I mean be real - you're not going to wake up in Easter and find suddenly you love your course. It'll just continue.
Anyway on to the aforementioned improvements in my life that may be of use to you:
1) You have to be doing something concrete.
I don't count the degree as 'concrete'. Concrete is something formal, that requires you to do, that has other people holding you accountable to do, but something that achieves something for you. A job is concrete. From your hobby list - none of them themselves are concrete if you do them on your own. However, if you find a music partner (or tutor, but I say partner as you mentioned your finances), a club that you enjoy where you can write your book with, some formal group that you can join, a short course of some sort. Because doing your hobbies on your own assume you'll motivate yourself to do them - and that's one of the toughest things for people to do. For me, my degree isn't concrete either. But what are: 1) I took a short course in web programming. It was weekly for 10 weeks, £400 and from Oct to Decemeber, but it was the only area of programming/computer science (and that's not in my degree hence so I count it as something separate) that actually interested me. I did the set work. I enjoyed it. I learnt stuff. It'd been a year and a half since I'd felt that. I'd recommend that if you have the money or can raise it. Do short courses. 2) I started attending a weekly group that I feel good around. Albeit I knew some of the people that went, but I went because the topic interested me. It was a free sort-of-religious gathering, but more-so where people come in and give short talks on areas of the religion, and whilst learning things I also got to interact with some great people. You never know whom you'll get with groups, but people on balance tend to lean more towards the good end, so you'll more than likely get lucky. (And on a side note, I don't know whether you're religious or not - but I find their comes great willingness to help another out in pretty much all faiths - I lost my faith during my downtime but attending the weekly place of worship has got me really up. If you're in the London area, I'd be more than happy to give you the details, it's not faith specific and mostly I just go for the good people (all our age)).
Those are just two things, but those two things were pretty huge and pretty much outweighed any downers - even though it was only two days a week, it made them good weeks. Aside from those, I did smaller things too - I started playing footy every other week with the uni too, which is a great way to relieve stress, and I go gym occasionally now too which is also great (any exercise in my mind is great for tough times - but again not the do it your bedroom type - concrete in joining a footy group or going gym).
Apologies for the length in hitting home that point - but it serves as a warning to you - don't leave your course without concrete alternatives. Those two that I mentioned above, the course and the group, I had in mind even when I thought I'd have to take a gap. Find concrete things to do BEFORE you leave. Otherwise you'll leave and find yourself looking for things to do rather than actually doing them. Make this your absolute priority above all else if you do decide to take the sabbatical - find concrete things. Go all out and get a job, find courses, go onto meetup.com and find groups and check them out beforehand and find ones that you like - make concrete ways of achieving your goals that are reinforced by others - not just your willpower.
2) You need to become good at something.
A lot of my depression stemmed from being 18 years old and not having one single useful skill - nothing at all. Thankfully the short course has given me a base to build from - I still would only fetch minimum wage if I went to get a job in Web programming, but I'll be following up with another 10-week follow on short course that will hopefully have me okayish at it by the end of the academic year. If the degree still doesn't work for me - I'll just follow that. For you - it could potentially be your hobbies. If you make them concrete, and become okayish at them (also, don't aim for 'brilliance' in my view, it only makes things worse. I've learnt to get rid of that and be at ease with with accepting I may not do brilliantly at the course, but that's okay, as long as I learn a decent amount and enjoy it) - then you'll have those skills to use should you also not decide the degree is for you. Even a little thing, being good at an instrument, it helps. Perhaps you do voluntary work and find you really enjoy that - it doesn't have to be learning something - you're good at that and in the future you could use that as a starting point for a new path. Essentially, don't be in a position where you're a nobody with nothing to offer - learn something and be good at it, or be go out there and do things. Again the religious group helps a little with this too - if all else goes balls up I still have that to give me some inner strength through tougher times - it doesn't have to be a religious thing - something like the voluntary work or helping others or whatever could work.
3) You need to find what you want to do.
This ones tough, and really causes you so many problems through the uncertainty. I sort of found out I'd like to do programming sort of stuff through looking at it over time, doing it as an A level, and now actually doing it. But I was incredibly unsure - when I was applying for uni I was stuck between two choices, it's only with hindsight that I can say perhaps I'm in the right direction. Obviously my path is still fairly conventional - I did do things beforehand that got me to the degree, but I was similar to you in that I didn't know whether I really wanted to do Computer Science.
But I stress, it takes time to figure it out. You need to find something that'll keep you going if you do it. Something you want to do. Through doing concrete actions as above, you'll be more at ease to have assess your life and gain new experiences to help direct you - far better than simply living life as a bundle of confusion.
I don't really have that much practical advice for this one, just that it takes time to work it out. I don't know you or your journey really, what interests you and what doesn't. It was essentially a whole load of things that made me go to where I am now. It's still not perfect, but it fits better than the rest. And that doesn't even mean going to uni - you could find you enjoy a job or something and you'd like to work at progression on that route. You'll get time to work on it - but the more practical you are the better. Aside from the practical things you do from point 1, you could try and fall in love with MechEng. I sort of did this with Computer Science, you could go out and find people who're working now, see what their lives are like. Meetup.com or your uni must be bound to have some relevant links. If it still isn't working for you, then perhaps do the same for other areas you think may work for you. In the end - I think you need to find something that offers you the promise of a life you enjoy. Although that sounds like something seriously hard to achieve, really it's not that bad - it's merely the promise of some dream. For me, either getting enough knowledge to make my own programming stuff and perhaps make some money, or do an entry level job in web programming and work in companies I enjoy with work I enjoy. Find what path will offer you something that sounds reasonable.
Aside from that, I'd say stuff life ignore things that bring you down, like seriously just forget them, but really I stress the importance of the above 3 points with particular focus on point 1. You need to fill your days away from the possibility of just wasting them - and that means doing concrete activities. Do that research before you drop if you do go down that path.
Obviously the reality of leaving uni is a tough one itself, there's so much to do and so many people to talk to before you're officially out, but imo it would be best for you. The fees thing is fine - as someone mentioned you can get loans for up to 4 years - so you could still go back and do another full 3 years. I wrote this all out in one go so feel free to bring up anything that seems a jumble, and feel free to send me a message through pm if you wish at all mate.
(edited 11 years ago)
I am in the same position as you at the moment. Did you make a decision?
You don't like your course. This may sound obvious, but have you thought about / talked to your academic advisor about switching courses? This is invariably possible, as unis don't like to see their dropout statistics adversely affected.
It has been just over five months since I last updated TSR on my situation, and it's got to a stable enough point for it for me to do an update.
A few days after I made my last post on this thread, I left university. I didn't fully detach myself from the university; after discussing options with my tutor, I was given permission to suspend my studies for two years. When I got home, my life, along with myself, kind of broke down. I decided that I needed to be alone and have some time to think, which essentially transformed into me spending the vast majority of every day in bed either asleep or thinking. I didn't want to do anything else.
The decreased appetite I mentioned before got a lot worse; without the need to go out and do anything, I fully lost the desire to eat. Before, I had coaxed myself into eating by telling myself I didn't want to collapse or faint outside, but since I was in bed I could no longer use that excuse; what better place to faint than in bed? My parents kept making food for me, and I would force down what little of it I could, but this became less and less each time, and by the last week of January my weight had dropped to around 8 stone (I am a 5'11" male).
By the end of January, something had clicked. I can't really explain it, and I don't really know what it was, but the 'need for rest and solitude' that I had started to subside. I think I just began to realise that nothing is really going to fix itself by me wasting my whole day in bed, and that this was really just an excuse to avoid having to face the world. Also, I realised that I was going to start dying if I continued with this, and while that didn't bother me too much, I thought it would be pretty selfish to worry my family when they were already worried about my dad. So I got up. I spent a bit more time out of bed and around my family. This was really demotivating; my parents were not very understanding or supportive of the fragile state I was in, and they took my decision to start coming out of my room a bit more as an opportunity to lecture me, question me, and moan at me, telling me all of the things I had been thinking curled up in my bed but in a snide tone, and I very nearly gave up and resigned myself to going back to bed and trying again next month. But I decided that getting out of bed was the lesser of two evils, so I sat and took it. I didn't argue or fight back; I just got out of bed, let their comments drain me of what little motivation I could muster up for the day, then went back to bed. In that time, I did manage to start eating a bit more though, and my weight levelled out and started to increase slowly.
After a couple of weeks of this, I got fed up and something else clicked. Staying around my parents wasn't going to fix anything, and the constant barrage of negativity was whittling away what little self-esteem I had left. I couldn't find the motivation to get up and spend my day aimlessly outside, but I didn't want to continue spending it aimlessly in my house, so I looked for something that I had to do. A commitment. Something structured that would get me away from the house, and that would penalize me if I ever relapsed. So I got a job. That solved quite a few problems; it reinstated the 'I don't want to faint outside' thing that kept me eating before, it stopped my parents moaning about one thing (which was soon replaced by many others, but I was out of the house so I didn't have to hear them too much) and it was a very solid commitment. The job is as a customer assistant in a local supermarket; it is very different from anything I have ever done before, and is actually pretty fun! For 40 hours a week, I am forced to cast off this depressive cloud, put on a smile, and step into the shoes of 'Yellowquiet the Customer Assistant'!
The other motive behind getting a job is that I wanted to see what work life would be like without a degree, with the intentions that I do not like it and this would motivate me when I return to university. I don't mind it too much at the moment, but I'm not sure how long it will be until the novelty of it wears off. My other major concern is that, when I do return to university, I will not really be any better off (other than financially) than when I left, that nothing will have changed, and that I'll just slump back into the way I was when I left.
However, I feel that some things have started changing already in a positive direction:
Thank you very much for your post; it has been a huge help over the past 5 months. More than I can put into words. It has pretty much been the guide to my recovery.
In your post, you said "...you could try and fall in love with MechEng.". Over the last two months, I accidentally did just that... sort of. I stumbled across an animated series called 'Space Brothers', which follows the lives of a guy, who was in a position somewhat comparable to myself (reaching a dead end) and his re-kindling of his childhood dream of becoming an astronaut. It got me really interested in space technology, which is something I used to love as a kid, and I had a look at my university's undergraduate courses and discovered one that is very similar to my existing course called 'Aerospace Engineering', which covers all of the bits of MechEng I really enjoyed and adds lots of stuff about the engineering of everything that flies, from planes to rockets to satellites. After speaking with my tutor, as well as the program directors for both courses, as of yesterday I was given permission to transfer courses. I am really surprised at how psyched I am to be doing this course now; it's much different to how I felt about going to uni the first time round!
So, my life as it stands is that I am stable (but not much improved), still slightly underweight, in employment, course changed and starting to look forward to going back to university. Still much room for improvement, but it could be worse.
I will probably continue to look to TSR for advice, so I thank you in advance for your help.
A few days after I made my last post on this thread, I left university. I didn't fully detach myself from the university; after discussing options with my tutor, I was given permission to suspend my studies for two years. When I got home, my life, along with myself, kind of broke down. I decided that I needed to be alone and have some time to think, which essentially transformed into me spending the vast majority of every day in bed either asleep or thinking. I didn't want to do anything else.
The decreased appetite I mentioned before got a lot worse; without the need to go out and do anything, I fully lost the desire to eat. Before, I had coaxed myself into eating by telling myself I didn't want to collapse or faint outside, but since I was in bed I could no longer use that excuse; what better place to faint than in bed? My parents kept making food for me, and I would force down what little of it I could, but this became less and less each time, and by the last week of January my weight had dropped to around 8 stone (I am a 5'11" male).
By the end of January, something had clicked. I can't really explain it, and I don't really know what it was, but the 'need for rest and solitude' that I had started to subside. I think I just began to realise that nothing is really going to fix itself by me wasting my whole day in bed, and that this was really just an excuse to avoid having to face the world. Also, I realised that I was going to start dying if I continued with this, and while that didn't bother me too much, I thought it would be pretty selfish to worry my family when they were already worried about my dad. So I got up. I spent a bit more time out of bed and around my family. This was really demotivating; my parents were not very understanding or supportive of the fragile state I was in, and they took my decision to start coming out of my room a bit more as an opportunity to lecture me, question me, and moan at me, telling me all of the things I had been thinking curled up in my bed but in a snide tone, and I very nearly gave up and resigned myself to going back to bed and trying again next month. But I decided that getting out of bed was the lesser of two evils, so I sat and took it. I didn't argue or fight back; I just got out of bed, let their comments drain me of what little motivation I could muster up for the day, then went back to bed. In that time, I did manage to start eating a bit more though, and my weight levelled out and started to increase slowly.
After a couple of weeks of this, I got fed up and something else clicked. Staying around my parents wasn't going to fix anything, and the constant barrage of negativity was whittling away what little self-esteem I had left. I couldn't find the motivation to get up and spend my day aimlessly outside, but I didn't want to continue spending it aimlessly in my house, so I looked for something that I had to do. A commitment. Something structured that would get me away from the house, and that would penalize me if I ever relapsed. So I got a job. That solved quite a few problems; it reinstated the 'I don't want to faint outside' thing that kept me eating before, it stopped my parents moaning about one thing (which was soon replaced by many others, but I was out of the house so I didn't have to hear them too much) and it was a very solid commitment. The job is as a customer assistant in a local supermarket; it is very different from anything I have ever done before, and is actually pretty fun! For 40 hours a week, I am forced to cast off this depressive cloud, put on a smile, and step into the shoes of 'Yellowquiet the Customer Assistant'!
The other motive behind getting a job is that I wanted to see what work life would be like without a degree, with the intentions that I do not like it and this would motivate me when I return to university. I don't mind it too much at the moment, but I'm not sure how long it will be until the novelty of it wears off. My other major concern is that, when I do return to university, I will not really be any better off (other than financially) than when I left, that nothing will have changed, and that I'll just slump back into the way I was when I left.
However, I feel that some things have started changing already in a positive direction:
Original post by AndroidLight
X
Thank you very much for your post; it has been a huge help over the past 5 months. More than I can put into words. It has pretty much been the guide to my recovery.
In your post, you said "...you could try and fall in love with MechEng.". Over the last two months, I accidentally did just that... sort of. I stumbled across an animated series called 'Space Brothers', which follows the lives of a guy, who was in a position somewhat comparable to myself (reaching a dead end) and his re-kindling of his childhood dream of becoming an astronaut. It got me really interested in space technology, which is something I used to love as a kid, and I had a look at my university's undergraduate courses and discovered one that is very similar to my existing course called 'Aerospace Engineering', which covers all of the bits of MechEng I really enjoyed and adds lots of stuff about the engineering of everything that flies, from planes to rockets to satellites. After speaking with my tutor, as well as the program directors for both courses, as of yesterday I was given permission to transfer courses. I am really surprised at how psyched I am to be doing this course now; it's much different to how I felt about going to uni the first time round!
So, my life as it stands is that I am stable (but not much improved), still slightly underweight, in employment, course changed and starting to look forward to going back to university. Still much room for improvement, but it could be worse.
I will probably continue to look to TSR for advice, so I thank you in advance for your help.
Original post by British-Student
I'm no professional, but I'd say that finishing your degree would be the right move. If you drop out now, you've still got a pile of debt and nothing to show for it. If you finish your degree, it could really open some doors - not only in the field you've studied in, but a huge variety of other jobs. Some careers require only "A degree", and getting your degree now could be very beneficial.
There's still the entire world to explore, and it'll be there when you finish. Don't stress out - you can still do anything you want once you graduate, the difference being you'll have a certificate of higher education.
There's still the entire world to explore, and it'll be there when you finish. Don't stress out - you can still do anything you want once you graduate, the difference being you'll have a certificate of higher education.
Are you sure? I thought the debt only applies to those who actually get a qualification. Seems a huge gamble otherwise.
Original post by Laomedeia
Are you sure? I thought the debt only applies to those who actually get a qualification. Seems a huge gamble otherwise.
Nope, the debt applies even if your drop out. However, you still only pay back on the same terms i.e. 9% on anything you earn over £21k
Posted from TSR Mobile
I'm going through this situation myself right now deciding whether to stay or drop out been reading this thread it's really interesting.
Have you ever had a job before? I get the feeling you don't really know what you're talking about when you discuss giving up university. I would really advise you to try a few jobs before you decide to drop out (if you really must) because the world of work can be mind-numbingly, soul-destroyingly dull and I think it would make you appreciate university more.
The point of getting a high paying job like becoming a doctor or dentist (which I think is what you're at uni for, not sure) is not just purely for the social standing or prestige. It's a plan for the future so that you will one day be able to do all those things on that list that you want. You're young so you probably don't pay a mortgage or many taxes, your money is probably all from the student loan, which means it isn't really your money even if it feels that way.
I would strongly advise you try and get a job for the summer or a part time job at uni in a field like waiting or maybe a job in a factory. Something that isn't very stimulating and doesn't help the world achieve some sort of greater good. The great thing about studying medicine / law / science is that most people with those degrees will apply them to a field of work which gives them a sense of purpose, a sense of fulfilment. I think if you leave uni now you will just get lost in a circle of existential bull****.
You need to realise that in order to live and thrive in this society you must obey the laws and customs of this society. Don't think that by focusing on getting to a financially stable position you're abandoning your dreams of doing what you really want to do. If what you really want to do is not a specific job, then the job you are currently working towards is a means to you getting what you want. Education makes you an asset to society, which makes high-paying jobs easier to get. High paying jobs will mean you can afford a better quality of life, including things like holidays and adventures of a lifetime, and so on.
Life is awesome but so is education and you shouldn't see it as preventing you from doing what you want, but enabling you. As other posters have said, I think you should alert your department and your GP to your depression and if necessary, maybe you could take a year out to experience the drudgery of working in "the real world" so you will value your studies more when you return to them.
The point of getting a high paying job like becoming a doctor or dentist (which I think is what you're at uni for, not sure) is not just purely for the social standing or prestige. It's a plan for the future so that you will one day be able to do all those things on that list that you want. You're young so you probably don't pay a mortgage or many taxes, your money is probably all from the student loan, which means it isn't really your money even if it feels that way.
I would strongly advise you try and get a job for the summer or a part time job at uni in a field like waiting or maybe a job in a factory. Something that isn't very stimulating and doesn't help the world achieve some sort of greater good. The great thing about studying medicine / law / science is that most people with those degrees will apply them to a field of work which gives them a sense of purpose, a sense of fulfilment. I think if you leave uni now you will just get lost in a circle of existential bull****.
You need to realise that in order to live and thrive in this society you must obey the laws and customs of this society. Don't think that by focusing on getting to a financially stable position you're abandoning your dreams of doing what you really want to do. If what you really want to do is not a specific job, then the job you are currently working towards is a means to you getting what you want. Education makes you an asset to society, which makes high-paying jobs easier to get. High paying jobs will mean you can afford a better quality of life, including things like holidays and adventures of a lifetime, and so on.
Life is awesome but so is education and you shouldn't see it as preventing you from doing what you want, but enabling you. As other posters have said, I think you should alert your department and your GP to your depression and if necessary, maybe you could take a year out to experience the drudgery of working in "the real world" so you will value your studies more when you return to them.
Original post by Yellowquiet
x
Hey mate, just thought I'd check up and see how you're doing? Hope all is well!
Dear Yellowquiet
Thanks for your very organised and thoughtful explanation of your situation. Based on what you have written I would be advising you to leave, but I think you deserve a longer response for I am in a similar situation and your words have touched me. I really would highlight something I'm coming to understand myself which is the difference between a goal and a value. For me, taking a break from University temporarily is better than extensions because it gives me the time to think through leaving, and adjusting to that period of time before you rent your own place, then buy one, if you wish. Hope that helped you. All best wishes.
Thanks for your very organised and thoughtful explanation of your situation. Based on what you have written I would be advising you to leave, but I think you deserve a longer response for I am in a similar situation and your words have touched me. I really would highlight something I'm coming to understand myself which is the difference between a goal and a value. For me, taking a break from University temporarily is better than extensions because it gives me the time to think through leaving, and adjusting to that period of time before you rent your own place, then buy one, if you wish. Hope that helped you. All best wishes.
Can't say I was surprised when I say the MLP avatar.
Btw you'l just be in debt for nothing if you quit uni. Even more reason not to live.
Btw you'l just be in debt for nothing if you quit uni. Even more reason not to live.
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