"Crushing" in other people whilst in a relationship

I've read a few things about people crushing on others whilst being unavailable. This is for both long term and short term relationships.

Personally, I have never felt this and I think if you do, then maybe there's an underlying issue somewhere either with yourself or the relationship you are in. MAYBE. But of course, it's subjective.
I wonder... is it normal or completely abnormal and wrong?

I'd like to hear personal experiences, outcomes and opinions.

Reply 1

Euthymic

OP

9

And also, not too sure if you can edit the title of the thread but just to clarify I mean *on, not in
Sorry!

Reply 2

Aklima(:

Sometimes I feel this happens when another guy/girl gives you more attention than the current person you're with. So I dont feel it is wrong what you're doing. Just the person you're with should try harder! :biggrin:

Reply 3

Euthymic

OP

9

Original post by Aklima(:

Sometimes I feel this happens when another guy/girl gives you more attention than the current person you're with. So I dont feel it is wrong what you're doing. Just the person you're with should try harder! :biggrin:

I agree! But surely if you flirt with the other person, it is partly your fault for going along with it?
I mean call me "old fashioned" but I believe a relationship should consist of effective communication.. there's got to be an issue somewhere if a person in a relationship feels the need to get attention from elsewhere

Reply 4

Llewellyn_J

9

I admit I have had a little crush during my 2 and a half year relationship, months before we started having problems (the crush was not the cause as I never told her). I'm not sure why I had it, because i was perfectly happy with my girlfriend and I never acted on it. Even though I am ok with it, I know that if my girlfriend made a similar confession I would definitely not be happy

Reply 5

Euthymic

OP

9

Original post by Llewellyn_J

I admit I have had a little crush during my 2 and a half year relationship, months before we started having problems (the crush was not the cause as I never told her). I'm not sure why I had it, because i was perfectly happy with my girlfriend and I never acted on it. Even though I am ok with it, I know that if my girlfriend made a similar confession I would definitely not be happy

Did you ever feel guilty for feeling that way? Or ever feel like you should tell your girlfriend, but were scared of the outcome?

Reply 6

Aklima(:

Original post by Euthymic

I agree! But surely if you flirt with the other person, it is partly your fault for going along with it?
I mean call me "old fashioned" but I believe a relationship should consist of effective communication.. there's got to be an issue somewhere if a person in a relationship feels the need to get attention from elsewhere

True, but who can resist? This may happen due to how strong the relationship is. And I agree.. It should entail good communication.. But when you really have strong feelings for the other person, is when your mind automatically is disinterested in other guys and you don't attempt to flirt with other guys. That's how I feel anyways.
Also, you should talk to your partner how you think you guys should stay in touch more often which may improve the relationship? I feel a good understanding guy is useful, as some guys may just class girls like that 'clingy', which isn't the case.

Reply 7

Llewellyn_J

9

Original post by Euthymic

Did you ever feel guilty for feeling that way? Or ever feel like you should tell your girlfriend, but were scared of the outcome?

I did at the beginning. But I feel good for not acting on it. To me, that helps prove my commitment and love for her. I thought there would be absolutely no point in telling her as it would cause unnecessary angst and I knew i wouldn't act on it.

Reply 8

Euthymic

OP

9

Original post by Aklima(:

True, but who can resist? This may happen due to how strong the relationship is. And I agree.. It should entail good communication.. But when you really have strong feelings for the other person, is when your mind automatically is disinterested in other guys and you don't attempt to flirt with other guys. That's how I feel anyways.
Also, you should talk to your partner how you think you guys should stay in touch more often which may improve the relationship? I feel a good understanding guy is useful, as some guys may just class girls like that 'clingy', which isn't the case.

Yeah, I feel the same way too! No other guy catches my eye whilst I'm in a relationship.
I don't understand why some people judge sensitive guys as bad news, I honestly think if a guy is sensitive he is more likely to understand you and less likely to hurt you, if that makes sense

Original post by Llewellyn_J

I did at the beginning. But I feel good for not acting on it. To me, that helps prove my commitment and love for her. I thought there would be absolutely no point in telling her as it would cause unnecessary angst and I knew i wouldn't act on it.

Sounds dedicated! I think you made the right decision. I know I would feel upset if my boyfriend told me he was crushing on another girl, I mean, I'd be paranoid about it and it'd probably lead to so many issues and eventually us breaking up

Reply 9

MalteseMalteser

Original post by Llewellyn_J

I admit I have had a little crush during my 2 and a half year relationship, months before we started having problems (the crush was not the cause as I never told her). I'm not sure why I had it, because i was perfectly happy with my girlfriend and I never acted on it. Even though I am ok with it, I know that if my girlfriend made a similar confession I would definitely not be happy

You're not alone mate, during my relationships I've had crushes on other girls but I've never acted upon them as that's immoral. I'm happy I don't act upon them, but as you say if my relationship partners ever confessed to having a crush on someone else to me then I wouldn't be happy either - and I always thought that was just me being the person who I am

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

It's a slippery slope. Things were not going well with my boyfriend who was really not that supportive or caring. I developed a massive crush on my best guy friend who really started to take care of me. We texted all the time and started spending time together. I was aware it was wrong and tried to draw the line as we just can't be friends.

Reply 11

Kenocide

11

Original post by Euthymic

I agree! But surely if you flirt with the other person, it is partly your fault for going along with it?
I mean call me "old fashioned" but I believe a relationship should consist of effective communication.. there's got to be an issue somewhere if a person in a relationship feels the need to get attention from elsewhere

Totally agree with what you said in your OP and here. I learnt the hard way that some people are never satisfied even if you give them all the love and devotion in the world; if they still seek attention elsewhere whereas you genuinely have eyes only for them then you just have to get out otherwise you will certainly end up getting hurt.

And when you say there must be an issue somewhere if a person in a relationship is seeking attention elsewhere like that, do you mean there is an issue with that person or with the relationship? Because I think it could be either tbh. If the relationship is a good one and the person doesn't really have any need to look elsewhere for attention then it's probably an issue with the individual. If the relationship isn't functioning well and the pair don't communicate then perhaps it's more likely a problem with the relationship.

Reply 12

ForgettingWhatsername

11

I think it's quite normal to have a little crush on another person while you're in a relationship, especially if you've been with your partner for a long time. As long you don't act on it and don't actively seek out the other person's attention I don't really see anything wrong with it. It's not necessarily a sign that something is wrong with your relationship, it's just human I guess.

"Crushing" in other people whilst in a relationship

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