I'm not ready to move in with him

I've been with my bf for 7 months throughout our final year at university. He makes me feel so loved and safe however I don't think I'm at the same stage in our relationship as he is. We're both at the point where we're moving onto new things. When I brought up I'd been accepted into a postgrad programme in London he immediately suggested we get an apartment together. I don't know if we would be great living together we tend to clash frequently recently. And we are very different people while I'm slightly chaotic he is very organised I think I would frustrate him if we lived together and it would put a futher strain on our relationship before we've built a solid foundation. As already this is an area that instigates arguments.

So I suggested trying long distance for 3 months then revisit the subject but he doesn't see this as an option. I understand as we've not been together for very long.However, unless I decide to move in I'm thinking the only other option to go our separate ways.

I don't want to be in a situation where living together results in the end of our relationship consequently affecting our living situation.

However, I also don't want him to feel used as id be ending our relationship when uni is coming to an end. I don't want to leave him but I also don't want to move too quickly into this next stage without being secure in our relationship.

Has anyone been in a similar position before or has any advice to offer I'm very conflicted?

(edited 10 months ago)

This sounds less like you're not ready to move in with him and more like you don't think you two are compatible life partners. Do you see the following quote as something that will ever change?

Original post by Clarissa0z

I don't know if we would be great living together we tend to clash frequently recently. And we are very different people while I'm slightly chaotic he is very organised I think I would frustrate him if we lived together and it would put a futher strain on our relationship before we've built a solid foundation. As already this is an area that instigates arguments.

Reply 2

miki_00

11

Renting an apartment in London is very expensive and better renting a room or with another person. So if you are not ready I dont think you should commit financially as it can become alot of responsability. If you have doubts already, it will get harder and worser.

Reply 3

mnot

Universities Forum Helper

20

Your not ready to move in, he doesn’t want long distance.

Given this there are really a couple options:
- you find a pragmatic compromise either: 1) he finds an opportunity to live near London (id note if you live in London he could probably find somewhere to live in Berkshire/surrey etc. which is still manageable as medium distance and see each other regularly) 2) You find a postgraduate course nearer where he intends to live
- you break up, whilst this doesn’t seem like a solution, sometimes people are in different places. It’s not a reflection of either of your feelings but where you are in life & your current compatibility
- you take a “break” but stay in contact and see where each other is in 6 or 12 months...

This is how it reads to me at least. Ultimately sometimes you reach points where people have lines in the sand and you either move one of the lines or make a difficult decision.

Reply 4

Zarek

21

You’re right to be cautious. There’s a lot to be said for long distance in the early stage of a relationship. And commitment of living together before you’re both ready risks strains and and difficult breakup. Tell him you want to stay together, but not live together, as yet

Reply 5

A jaded girl

7

Original post by Clarissa0z

I've been with my bf for 7 months throughout our final year at university. He makes me feel so loved and safe however I don't think I'm at the same stage in our relationship as he is. We're both at the point where we're moving onto new things. When I brought up I'd been accepted into a postgrad programme in London he immediately suggested we get an apartment together. I don't know if we would be great living together we tend to clash frequently recently. And we are very different people while I'm slightly chaotic he is very organised I think I would frustrate him if we lived together and it would put a futher strain on our relationship before we've built a solid foundation. As already this is an area that instigates arguments.

So I suggested trying long distance for 3 months then revisit the subject but he doesn't see this as an option. I understand as we've not been together for very long.However, unless I decide to move in I'm thinking the only other option to go our separate ways.

I don't want to be in a situation where living together results in the end of our relationship consequently affecting our living situation.

However, I also don't want him to feel used as id be ending our relationship when uni is coming to an end. I don't want to leave him but I also don't want to move too quickly into this next stage without being secure in our relationship.

Has anyone been in a similar position before or has any advice to offer I'm very conflicted?

For the love of god stick to what you want

I'm not ready to move in with him

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