Am I being unrealistic about this guy ? Could it workout ?

I met this guy around a year ago at a summer school and he approached me, I found him weird at first but then we got on very well and I *kind* of fell in love.

However, we came from different areas so it was unlikely that we would meet again unless we went to same Uni where summer school was held. I kind of decided to NOT take his number or contact and end it here, explaining it was mainly for religious reasons (i'm muslim, he also was) and he was very understanding and did not talk to me again since.

I do not know if he was hurt or smth and that's why or he just agreed it would be better for us not to hang out.

It's been almost a year since and I cannot stop thinking about him. I don't want my thoughts about the Uni and him to influence UCAS and Uni decision but I really don't know how to get him out of my mind and also if I am being unrealistic thinking it's possible to meet him again and maybe have a relationship ? Need advice !

Ps; I've tried searching his nbr or smth from ppl at summer school and getting social media but he is NOWHERE to be found.

You mentioned you're both Muslim so honestly - in the nicest way possible - forget about it. If you can't find him again online then maybe that's God's way of protecting you from a haram relationship. If it's meant to be, it will - you never know, you guys might end up meeting again further down the line when you're both ready to make things halal (it sounds like you're about 17/18 right now which is honestly way too soon for marriage for most people, plus your prefrontal cortex isn't even fully developed yet and you don't fully know this guy at the moment but in a few years time things could be very different for you both and you'll most likely be in a much better position to think about these things more logically). Remember, even if you start a haram relationship with someone and end up getting married to them there will be wayy less barakah in your relationship and you will have committed major sins so just don't do it. (Easier said than done I know but by not taking his contacts when you had the chance it shows you knew this deep down and did the right thing when it would have been very easy for you not to so just keep doing the right thing as you go on in life). Just make sincere duaa to get through this and for Allah to provide you with a good spouse who does things the halal way with you when the time is right. Focus on your education and deen for now. Insha Allah everything works out in the best possible way for you tho

Yh you might be right. Thing is it's very difficult to forget about him completely when on the back of my mind there is a possibility I could see him again. I didn't want a haram relationship and tbh I don't think he wanted it either, we would just talk (ik it's not the best but sometimes it just happens like that yk)
my parents always talk about barakah and stuff but it's kinda difficult when u see a lot of ppl having happy relationships and knowing u can't till your at least in mid-20s which is a bit depressing and sad. I've been praying and asking for a good man since I'm 13 or smth aka when I had my first serious crush. Thought he was gonna be the one after we met but now I am just questioning it.
And then you have ppl saying if it comes from Allah it is easy and a no-brainer. Also I am scared of having fallen into idealisation after such a long time and having my heart attached to him instead of God.. Just confusing tbh

Honestly, I get it. I don't normally share this with people but I once had this one guy constantly on my mind for 2 whole years despite the fact that we never even got on and he was horrible to me 💀 I think I just sorta created this version of him in my head that I fell kinda in love with and it seriously ruined me. I stopped focussing on myself and I was obsessing over him constantly and our every interaction. I even stopped focussing on my academics and lost a few friends because of the whole situation, as well as my own peace of mind so it all turned out to be a huge mess. The whole situation was so complicated and weird and looking back at that time now I realise how pathetic it all was (I'm not at all saying you are btw, just reflecting on my past self and decisions). And I would be lying if I said I never think of him at all anymore - but it is much more manageable now. I no longer desperately seek his approval/acceptance nor do I hate him for what he put me through, I am completely indifferent. Pretty much the only time he crosses my mind is if someone I know mentions him, which is a far better position for me to be in. But anyways, enough about me.

You say it's difficult to forget him when there is a possibility you could meet again but in your original post you said that that was unlikely? And ofc I understand it's impossible to never speak to the opposite gender, nor am I suggesting that. Just try not to let things get to the stage where you get too close/friendly because that could lead to catching feelings which could either lead to haram or to sadness and who wants that. But what is it about not being in a relationship until your mid-20s do you find depressing and sad? Genuinely ask yourself why you feel that way. It's not my place to try and lecture you about haram/halal and Islam and I don't want to sound like I'm lecturing you either, but what I will say is that all these couples you see looking super cute and happy? Most of them won't last forever, they'll just break up and move on to the next person in a few months/years, and the cycle repeats. And if the couples you're looking at are unmarried Muslims, then don't. I know it's so normalised in our generation to commit sins openly with no care whilst people be commenting 'MashAllah' and gassing you up but at the end of the day we all have to answer for our deeds on the Day of Judgement. On that day so many will say "Ya Rabbi, send us back" - like how terrifying is that. We won't get another chance at this life so we have to try our best the first time around if we want to make it in the akhirah. Wallahi, this dunya ain't worth it. And besides, do you really want to go down the route of a haram relationship knowing full well that there's a chance you may not even end up marrying this guy? How would you feel if you married someone only to find out that they had been in a haram relationship with another before you? Now how do you think your future husband would feel if he found that out about you? No one wants to hear that they stayed pure to marry someone who couldn't. And any guy who asks you to do haram with the promise of marriage later is not worth your time sis. If he's so willing to do this now, what makes you so sure he'll keep his promise later? (Also none of this is about the guy you mentioned btw, just guys in general).

I understand it's not easy to forget about someone you have strong feelings for so easily but you have to try. Delete any pics you might have with them, ask anyone who knows about them to not mention them to you as much as possible, tell yourself you didn't actually like him and he probably snores anyways (or something off-putting that will give you the ick). Stay busy and distracted as much as possible, focus on your education and self-improvement, spend time with friends and family. Everytime you catch yourself thinking about him too much, get up and find something to occupy your mind. If you notice a pattern that causes you to remember him, ELIMINATE IT (e.g. if everytime you scroll on TikTok you see cute Muslim couples and it makes you think of you and hum and what could have been, BLOCK THOSE ACCOUNTS INSTANTLY WITH NO HESITATION. OR JUST CLICK NOT INTERESTED ON THAT TYPE OF CONTENT). Continue to make sincere duaa to Allah SWT and if you ever do end up in a position with a guy in the future where you like each other and he wants to do things the halal way and you want to know he is indeed the one for you...pray Istikhara. Keep praying Istikhara until your heart tells you whether or not you should go ahead and marry him.

I hope this helps. I know it seems difficult right now and it will be, but with time it does get easier. Just follow the tips I mentioned above as best as you can and Insha Allah you will move on with no problem soon enough.

No one wants to hear that they stayed pure to marry someone who couldn't.

Ur so cute u wrote this whole essay for me frr thank u ❤️ thank you so much for you advice ❤️ I'll try and be less of a hopeless romantic
Yh I am aware of what ur saying thank you for your advice. Thing is I left myself think about him before cos he was honestly the finest lad I ever met and he just talked so much abt religion he kind of helped me be a better muslim myself (which doesn't necessarily make sense cos he was talking to a girl but whatever- that's why I kind of asked him why are we doing this) Maybe God sent him to me to improve my religion and then that's it ? Like he is the only 16 year old I know that can quote 40 an-nawawiya from the top of his head (i knew he was quoting it because I already knew the hadith, if not I don't think I would have believed him) - not to sound too nerdy or anything I just happened to know the first 2. He said he learned the whole quran which was plausible but let's not dwell too much on that.
When this happened i just turned 16 and i think he was the same so I mean marriage didn't cross my mind nor his.
But now I think it's been quite long and it's just annoying especially sometimes when I do Ibadah or something it makes me think of him and I feel like my intentions are not pure and I am rlly asking God to help with that.
Tbh I really want to have a bf or man or whatever and that since like.. being 12/13 ?! So knowing I waited for so long for the right person and will probably wait longer doesn't really put me in a great mood.
I mean it is unlikely we go to same Uni because it depends on so many factors but at the same time it is possible to meet at open days or ending up in same cohort- cos we wanted to study the same thing (although unlikely) -
I've prayed Istikharah for him (weird ik u can tell how desperate I was- especially the week after leaving him) but it's kinda weird cos I couldn't take any steps after, so nothing happened but it's quite normal and my heart doesn't give me any clear response tbh i have very mixed feelings.

What would be the definition of staying "pure" for marriage/someone ?