Could anyone say what I need to improve on/what marks I'd get for English P1 Q2?

It came on great oiled, resilient, striding legs. It towered thirty feet above half of the trees, a
great evil god, folding its delicate watchmaker’s claws close to its oily reptilian chest. Each
lower leg was a piston, a thousand pounds of white bone, sunk in thick ropes of muscle,
sheathed over in a gleam of pebbled skin like the armour of a terrible warrior. Each thigh
was a ton of meat, ivory, and steel mesh. And from the great breathing cage of the upper
body those two delicate arms dangled out front, arms with hands which might pick up and
examine men like toys, while the snake neck coiled. And the head itself, a ton of sculptured
stone, lifted easily upon the sky. Its mouth gaped, exposing a fence of teeth like daggers.
Its eyes rolled, ostrich eggs, empty of all expression save hunger. It closed its mouth in a
death grin. It ran, its pelvic bones crushing aside trees and bushes, its taloned feet clawing
damp earth, leaving prints six inches deep wherever it settled its weight.

How does the writer use language here to describe the Tyrannosaurus Rex?

You could include the writer’s choice of:
• words and phrases
• language features and techniques
• sentence forms.

The Tyrannosaurus Rex is presented as machine-like and dangerous. A lexical field of mechanics has been used by the writer in describing the T.rex, an example of this is the adjectival phrase 'great oiled, resilient, striding legs.' The adjective 'great oiled' had connotations of machinery and brings to mind the phrase 'like a well oiled machine'. This suggests that the T.Rex should not be seen as an animal by the reader but a contraption, perhaps in order to remove the reader's potential empathy for the beast by throughout the text by enforcing the idea that it is an unfeeling object with no characteristics the reader can identify as human-like in order to empathise with. This compels the reader to view the T.Rex as something exclusively terrifying to us, the reader, as it is shown to have great strength but no warmer qualities to which we could align ourselves with to make it anything other than a destructive machine. Therefore this presents the T.Rex as a threat to the reader in order to create tension but also instills a fear not unalike that which the expedition group would be feeling. This allows us to empathise with the characters and understand Travis' motivations to shoot the beast as we see it as nothing more than vicious and terrifying to us and therefore something that must be gotten rid of for the greater good.

This is further demonstrated through the simile 'pebbled skin like the armour of a terrible warrior' likening the T.Rex's skin to armour. Through this the writer presents the T.Rex as something terrifying to us. Likening the skin of the T.Rex to 'armour' creates a feeling of helplessness for the reader as we begin to understand the strength of the T.Rex and how ill equipped the characters attempting to attack it are in comparison to the beast which possesses an armour which could potentially protect it from any advances the characters were to make rendering them useless. This creates the impression that the T.Rex is invincible therefore forcing the reader to feel compassionate towards the characters as we understand the vulnerability of their situation through the writer's use of language to create a terrifying image of the beast.