I can't maintain friendships
I've just finished my gcse's and I am going to a school where none of my current 'friends' will be so maybe I shouldn't get so upset but, here goes...
I tend to be the disposable friend and everybody drops me and picks me up when it's convenient and if anything goes wrong in the friendship, despite my best efforts to fix it and their general lack of effort, it will always be my fault and they are the victim, I am the horrible person. This happens too much for me to actually deal with, and my little rant has been set off by a girl who was my best friend up until she decided that she couldn't be bothered with me anymore about ten minutes ago.
I just don't know how to feel about people anymore because I try so hard, I really do and I try and do everything to please my friends and I always feel like I'm a bad person and like everyone hates me or there's something wrong with me.
So I guess what I'm doing is a little bit of a rant to get everything off my chest and because I'm just feeling really down right now.As pathetic as it seems, every time I feel like someone I trusted has let me down it's like I'm going back to where I started with my confidence and depression issues, I don't want to be at that stage of my life ever again.
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I tend to be the disposable friend and everybody drops me and picks me up when it's convenient and if anything goes wrong in the friendship, despite my best efforts to fix it and their general lack of effort, it will always be my fault and they are the victim, I am the horrible person. This happens too much for me to actually deal with, and my little rant has been set off by a girl who was my best friend up until she decided that she couldn't be bothered with me anymore about ten minutes ago.
I just don't know how to feel about people anymore because I try so hard, I really do and I try and do everything to please my friends and I always feel like I'm a bad person and like everyone hates me or there's something wrong with me.
So I guess what I'm doing is a little bit of a rant to get everything off my chest and because I'm just feeling really down right now.As pathetic as it seems, every time I feel like someone I trusted has let me down it's like I'm going back to where I started with my confidence and depression issues, I don't want to be at that stage of my life ever again.
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Hi OP, I think the problem is that you're trying too hard.
Not that trying too hard will turn people away, but rather, you end up having high expectations of people. So when you put the love and friendship into a relationship, and you don't receive the same amount of respect back, you feel disappointed. I've known people to turn sour for no reason whatsoever, and when you've put in a lot of effort to build bridges between them, in the end it's just distressing.
If you find that this is a recurring problem for you, the trick is to enter a friendship with the lowest possible expectations of humanity. Anything nice someone does for you, great, that's a bonus. If they do something horrible, well then, it was only expected. That way you can pick out people who seem to express an "abnormal" amount of affection towards you according to your pessimistic standards - KEEP THESE FRIENDS! They're the ones that actually are about you. But in the case that they should suddenly turn against you like your "best friend" did - once again, it is to only be expected. Don't dwell on it too much.
Not that trying too hard will turn people away, but rather, you end up having high expectations of people. So when you put the love and friendship into a relationship, and you don't receive the same amount of respect back, you feel disappointed. I've known people to turn sour for no reason whatsoever, and when you've put in a lot of effort to build bridges between them, in the end it's just distressing.
If you find that this is a recurring problem for you, the trick is to enter a friendship with the lowest possible expectations of humanity. Anything nice someone does for you, great, that's a bonus. If they do something horrible, well then, it was only expected. That way you can pick out people who seem to express an "abnormal" amount of affection towards you according to your pessimistic standards - KEEP THESE FRIENDS! They're the ones that actually are about you. But in the case that they should suddenly turn against you like your "best friend" did - once again, it is to only be expected. Don't dwell on it too much.
Original post by Chezzaz
I've just finished my gcse's and I am going to a school where none of my current 'friends' will be so maybe I shouldn't get so upset but, here goes...
I tend to be the disposable friend and everybody drops me and picks me up when it's convenient and if anything goes wrong in the friendship, despite my best efforts to fix it and their general lack of effort, it will always be my fault and they are the victim, I am the horrible person. This happens too much for me to actually deal with, and my little rant has been set off by a girl who was my best friend up until she decided that she couldn't be bothered with me anymore about ten minutes ago.
I just don't know how to feel about people anymore because I try so hard, I really do and I try and do everything to please my friends and I always feel like I'm a bad person and like everyone hates me or there's something wrong with me.
So I guess what I'm doing is a little bit of a rant to get everything off my chest and because I'm just feeling really down right now.As pathetic as it seems, every time I feel like someone I trusted has let me down it's like I'm going back to where I started with my confidence and depression issues, I don't want to be at that stage of my life ever again.
This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
I tend to be the disposable friend and everybody drops me and picks me up when it's convenient and if anything goes wrong in the friendship, despite my best efforts to fix it and their general lack of effort, it will always be my fault and they are the victim, I am the horrible person. This happens too much for me to actually deal with, and my little rant has been set off by a girl who was my best friend up until she decided that she couldn't be bothered with me anymore about ten minutes ago.
I just don't know how to feel about people anymore because I try so hard, I really do and I try and do everything to please my friends and I always feel like I'm a bad person and like everyone hates me or there's something wrong with me.
So I guess what I'm doing is a little bit of a rant to get everything off my chest and because I'm just feeling really down right now.As pathetic as it seems, every time I feel like someone I trusted has let me down it's like I'm going back to where I started with my confidence and depression issues, I don't want to be at that stage of my life ever again.
This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
Try not to worry too much about your old school friends not bothering anymore because, you will make many more friends at sixth form/college and then university if you decide to go.
The harsh reality is that friends come and go! There are many more people in the same position so try not to feel like its just you or that no one else understands or that it's something to do with you personally..
I was pretty much in the same position when I left school and I still am really to a certain extent!
Posted from TSR Mobile
Thank you so much for the good advice guys, it's really great to have someone to rationalise things when I feel like this 
I guess maybe I do dwell on things like this too much as I suppose I won't have to see these people again. I suppose the next step would be to start practising having lower expectations of people when I start at my new school... I should be able to find at least one friend out of like 1000 people (fingers crossed) that would make me so happy
This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
I guess maybe I do dwell on things like this too much as I suppose I won't have to see these people again. I suppose the next step would be to start practising having lower expectations of people when I start at my new school... I should be able to find at least one friend out of like 1000 people (fingers crossed) that would make me so happy This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
Original post by Herrington_x
Try not to worry too much about your old school friends not bothering anymore because, you will make many more friends at sixth form/college and then university if you decide to go.
The harsh reality is that friends come and go! There are many more people in the same position so try not to feel like its just you or that no one else understands or that it's something to do with you personally..
I was pretty much in the same position when I left school and I still am really to a certain extent!
Posted from TSR Mobile
The harsh reality is that friends come and go! There are many more people in the same position so try not to feel like its just you or that no one else understands or that it's something to do with you personally..
I was pretty much in the same position when I left school and I still am really to a certain extent!
Posted from TSR Mobile
I was just wondering how much would you say your situation improved when you went to your new school?
This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
I have this problem..
I feel as though I like every one of my friends more than they like me, ad that they dont give a **** about our friendship..
I feel as though I like every one of my friends more than they like me, ad that they dont give a **** about our friendship..
Original post by Chezzaz
I was just wondering how much would you say your situation improved when you went to your new school?
This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
Well I didn't go to a new school :') I stayed at my schools sixth form because they were always telling us that people from loads of different schools come to it so, I thought I would make new friends when in reality they were making it up!
In my whole year there were two new people and they're not even in my classes! So that's why I'm pretty much in the same position haha.
But I'm off to university next year hopefully so, should make some new friends then
Like the other person has stated, try not think about it too much because that way you will be more affected by it.
Just remember that you will have many opportunities to make new friends in the years to come
That's how I deal with it. Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by Average_Aaron
I have this problem..
I feel as though I like every one of my friends more than they like me, ad that they dont give a **** about our friendship..
I feel as though I like every one of my friends more than they like me, ad that they dont give a **** about our friendship..
Precisely how I feel all the time!
Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by Herrington_x
Well I didn't go to a new school :') I stayed at my schools sixth form because they were always telling us that people from loads of different schools come to it so, I thought I would make new friends when in reality they were making it up!
In my whole year there were two new people and they're not even in my classes! So that's why I'm pretty much in the same position haha.
But I'm off to university next year hopefully so, should make some new friends then
Like the other person has stated, try not think about it too much because that way you will be more affected by it.
Just remember that you will have many opportunities to make new friends in the years to come That's how I deal with it.
Posted from TSR Mobile
In my whole year there were two new people and they're not even in my classes! So that's why I'm pretty much in the same position haha.
But I'm off to university next year hopefully so, should make some new friends then
Like the other person has stated, try not think about it too much because that way you will be more affected by it.
Just remember that you will have many opportunities to make new friends in the years to come
That's how I deal with it. Posted from TSR Mobile
Oh
well that must suck! At least at uni people will hopefully be more mature or at least more considerate footgear people's feelings!This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
Original post by Average_Aaron
I have this problem..
I feel as though I like every one of my friends more than they like me, ad that they dont give a **** about our friendship..
I feel as though I like every one of my friends more than they like me, ad that they dont give a **** about our friendship..
Me too
it almost seems like it's not worth trying with friends sometimesThis was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
Original post by Chezzaz
Oh well that must suck! At least at uni people will hopefully be more mature or at least more considerate footgear people's feelings!
This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
well that must suck! At least at uni people will hopefully be more mature or at least more considerate footgear people's feelings!This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
Yes I'm pretty sure university will be good! Living in accommodation is best for making friends apparently..
Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by Herrington_x
Yes I'm pretty sure university will be good! Living in accommodation is best for making friends apparently..
Posted from TSR Mobile
Posted from TSR Mobile
Well, best of luck!
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Original post by Chezzaz
Well, best of luck!
This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
Thank you! You too
Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by Average_Aaron
I have this problem..
I feel as though I like every one of my friends more than they like me, ad that they dont give a **** about our friendship..
I feel as though I like every one of my friends more than they like me, ad that they dont give a **** about our friendship..
Original post by Herrington_x
Do not view your friends as people who you can potentially share close bonds or secrets with.
Do not put your friends on a pedestal.
Only view them as just people who you hang out with when you are bored, or loose aquaintances who you happen to spend alot of time with, UNLESS they do something which makes you think otherwise.
Holding these sort of views can definitely help if you feel this way. As for real friends, you will probably only have a maximum of 3 your entire life. I used to feel the same, and then I started following these rules since the start of sixth form - and suddenly, everything changed like magic.
And then there's the possibility that everyone in your school genuinely are horrible people. In which case, study hard and wait for Uni
Original post by Herrington_x
Yes I'm pretty sure university will be good! Living in accommodation is best for making friends apparently..
Posted from TSR Mobile
Posted from TSR Mobile
Just finished my first year of Uni and it was where the problem became notable...
So happy to be home for the summer - my secondary school friends are like my brothers.
I totally get where you're coming from. People are crappy - DO. NOT. WORRY.
I get it a lot, but what you have to do is kick the crap people out of your life to make room for new and better people.
Also you can PM me any time
I get it a lot, but what you have to do is kick the crap people out of your life to make room for new and better people.
Also you can PM me any time
Original post by Herrington_x
Well I didn't go to a new school :') I stayed at my schools sixth form because they were always telling us that people from loads of different schools come to it so, I thought I would make new friends when in reality they were making it up!
In my whole year there were two new people and they're not even in my classes! So that's why I'm pretty much in the same position haha.
But I'm off to university next year hopefully so, should make some new friends then
Like the other person has stated, try not think about it too much because that way you will be more affected by it.
Just remember that you will have many opportunities to make new friends in the years to come That's how I deal with it.
Posted from TSR Mobile
In my whole year there were two new people and they're not even in my classes! So that's why I'm pretty much in the same position haha.
But I'm off to university next year hopefully so, should make some new friends then
Like the other person has stated, try not think about it too much because that way you will be more affected by it.
Just remember that you will have many opportunities to make new friends in the years to come
That's how I deal with it. Posted from TSR Mobile
Sorry this is random, but that is the exact same position I'm in! Really hoping to make friends at uni haha
Original post by Chezzaz
.
I know how you feel, due to different reasons I've never had that group of friends that are always there, or as soon as you are separated that friendship pretty much ends.
Due to moving a lot it was like this in primary school, secondary college i've had a lot of friend sets of which I very rarely see/speak to anymore. Just finishing uni now every has moved away (which is made worse seeing as the majority of them live near each other whereas I don't), but I am intending to keep in touch as much as possible and stuff.
And at the end of the day it isn't just their fault, it is mine, because I didn't exactly try hard to keep those friendships even though I wanted them. It also didn't help I am basically a geek and non of them really were :P
Original post by Melissaa
Sorry this is random, but that is the exact same position I'm in! Really hoping to make friends at uni haha
Aha at least I'm not the only one!
Posted from TSR Mobile
I didn't make any true friends during secondary school, just meaningless false friendships.
Three years on after finishing my GCSEs, I find it difficult to take it beyond the "hi-how are you" encounter with people to an actual friendship. I do make an effort but I'm socially awkward and inexperienced, so it's difficult to know whether I'm coming across as too keen or too distant.
Or perhaps (at least this is my theory), I'm not cut out for friends, so should just stick to acquaintances.
Three years on after finishing my GCSEs, I find it difficult to take it beyond the "hi-how are you" encounter with people to an actual friendship. I do make an effort but I'm socially awkward and inexperienced, so it's difficult to know whether I'm coming across as too keen or too distant.
Or perhaps (at least this is my theory), I'm not cut out for friends, so should just stick to acquaintances.
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