help with best friend
I need help on what to do. I’ve known my best friend for 7 years and we’ve always been inseparable… except for the past year or two. Lately they’ve changed and I’m not sure if it’s for the better or worse. I have autism and I don’t really know what makes a friend bad or not other than the obvious, but I just feel like something is off.
They have been cancelling plans or even flat out forgetting about them and then goes and makes plans with somebody else. They never text or talk to me anymore, either. I’ve also found it weird that I start to feel annoyed anytime they do anything that I like to do or feel passionate about without even talking about it to me before or when they even started gaining interest. (example; I love love love love LOVE hikes and they are planning on doing a big group hike (which is just on a flat pathway so it isn’t even a hike) and they’ve never ever expressed interest in it before. or when they go to concerts with friends to my favorite artist/band without even mentioning it to me). I don’t know if it’s my fault or if I did anything wrong or if something is wrong with me. I’m scared to talk to them because I haven’t been able to for the past two years. Everytime I try to talk serious to them they show no empathy or understanding to me and respond with single-word dry responses. I don’t have really many friends other than them and if we stop being friends I’ll probably be extremely disappointed and sad, but if it comes to it I might just have to let them go…
I don’t know what to do
They have been cancelling plans or even flat out forgetting about them and then goes and makes plans with somebody else. They never text or talk to me anymore, either. I’ve also found it weird that I start to feel annoyed anytime they do anything that I like to do or feel passionate about without even talking about it to me before or when they even started gaining interest. (example; I love love love love LOVE hikes and they are planning on doing a big group hike (which is just on a flat pathway so it isn’t even a hike) and they’ve never ever expressed interest in it before. or when they go to concerts with friends to my favorite artist/band without even mentioning it to me). I don’t know if it’s my fault or if I did anything wrong or if something is wrong with me. I’m scared to talk to them because I haven’t been able to for the past two years. Everytime I try to talk serious to them they show no empathy or understanding to me and respond with single-word dry responses. I don’t have really many friends other than them and if we stop being friends I’ll probably be extremely disappointed and sad, but if it comes to it I might just have to let them go…
I don’t know what to do
I'm not sure it matters much, but how are you and them?
If you were good/best friends, then you should have been able to have a straightforward conversation about any differences of yours. If that's not possible, then... I'd argue it was likely never a genuine friendship in the first place, even if it might have felt like one. Maybe it was a friendship of "convenience" for them. Maybe they had no one else at the time, and now they do. Maybe you misjudged their character (which easily happens to people with autism).
Autistic people can also unintentionally cause offense to other people, which other people usually don't understand very well & might think it is deliberate. But as I said, if you were good/best friends, you ought to have been able to talk about it.
I'm tempted to say that they were just 'one of those' fake friends that sticks around for only as long as it suits them, and moves on without even the courtesy of giving you any acknowledgement once they're done with you. Your best course would likely be to do the same as them, to them. Don't do it to other people. It's a sh*tty way to behave.
If you were good/best friends, then you should have been able to have a straightforward conversation about any differences of yours. If that's not possible, then... I'd argue it was likely never a genuine friendship in the first place, even if it might have felt like one. Maybe it was a friendship of "convenience" for them. Maybe they had no one else at the time, and now they do. Maybe you misjudged their character (which easily happens to people with autism).
Autistic people can also unintentionally cause offense to other people, which other people usually don't understand very well & might think it is deliberate. But as I said, if you were good/best friends, you ought to have been able to talk about it.
I'm tempted to say that they were just 'one of those' fake friends that sticks around for only as long as it suits them, and moves on without even the courtesy of giving you any acknowledgement once they're done with you. Your best course would likely be to do the same as them, to them. Don't do it to other people. It's a sh*tty way to behave.
Original post by Anonymous
I need help on what to do. I’ve known my best friend for 7 years and we’ve always been inseparable… except for the past year or two. Lately they’ve changed and I’m not sure if it’s for the better or worse. I have autism and I don’t really know what makes a friend bad or not other than the obvious, but I just feel like something is off.
They have been cancelling plans or even flat out forgetting about them and then goes and makes plans with somebody else. They never text or talk to me anymore, either. I’ve also found it weird that I start to feel annoyed anytime they do anything that I like to do or feel passionate about without even talking about it to me before or when they even started gaining interest. (example; I love love love love LOVE hikes and they are planning on doing a big group hike (which is just on a flat pathway so it isn’t even a hike) and they’ve never ever expressed interest in it before. or when they go to concerts with friends to my favorite artist/band without even mentioning it to me). I don’t know if it’s my fault or if I did anything wrong or if something is wrong with me. I’m scared to talk to them because I haven’t been able to for the past two years. Everytime I try to talk serious to them they show no empathy or understanding to me and respond with single-word dry responses. I don’t have really many friends other than them and if we stop being friends I’ll probably be extremely disappointed and sad, but if it comes to it I might just have to let them go…
I don’t know what to do
They have been cancelling plans or even flat out forgetting about them and then goes and makes plans with somebody else. They never text or talk to me anymore, either. I’ve also found it weird that I start to feel annoyed anytime they do anything that I like to do or feel passionate about without even talking about it to me before or when they even started gaining interest. (example; I love love love love LOVE hikes and they are planning on doing a big group hike (which is just on a flat pathway so it isn’t even a hike) and they’ve never ever expressed interest in it before. or when they go to concerts with friends to my favorite artist/band without even mentioning it to me). I don’t know if it’s my fault or if I did anything wrong or if something is wrong with me. I’m scared to talk to them because I haven’t been able to for the past two years. Everytime I try to talk serious to them they show no empathy or understanding to me and respond with single-word dry responses. I don’t have really many friends other than them and if we stop being friends I’ll probably be extremely disappointed and sad, but if it comes to it I might just have to let them go…
I don’t know what to do
I'm sorry to hear that. You clearly care about them and it's a shame that they aren't really reciprocating the same energy.
Honestly you shouldn't blame yourself. You've tried talking to them and genuinely making an effort to maintain the friendship. If they are moving mad then leave it. I know you've said you can't speak to them but you might have to try a different approach. Try coming across as honest and just putting your feelings out there. Sometimes the blatant obvious can be in front of someone but harsh words have to be said in order for them to realise it.
You come across as a genuine person who has good intentions! Good luck with it and if it doesn't work out then screw them. You can still find people who will appreciate you and love your company.
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