Could you be friends with a cheater?

Or maybe you already are?

So the opinion seems more or less unanimous on this forum that cheating sucks and is a scummy thing to do. And I agree. But what if you're not the one being cheated on? If a close friend admitted they were cheating, or you found out by other means, what would you do? How would it change your opinion on them? Would you tell their partner? Would you remain friends?

Or if this is something that has happened to you already, what did you do?

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Reply 1

H0PEL3SS

If they had a lapse in judgement or something similar, I wouldn't mind being friends with them, although it depends on other things; if they weren't too repentant then I wouldn't bother with them, I'd tell their SO, so they wouldn't be stuck with such a douche.
Telling their partner depends on their partner- do I like them? If I dislike them, I would stay out of it, if I was ambiguous/ liked them then I'd probably tell if my friend didn't tell them.

Reply 2

Sammy Lanka

You can't expect to like everything your mates do. I would make it clear that I thought it was a ****ty thing to do but if you stopped being mates with someone every time they hurt someone else then you would run out of friends pretty quick

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Reply 3

tinshed

I don't see how my friend cheating on her/his partner is any of my business so why would I tell their partner? And if they choose to cheat it's not going to change my opinion of them if I found out. If you have a friend it's kind of for better and for worse, you can't just de-friend someone just like that.

Reply 4

Peachykeen09

i could never be close friends with them...maybe more like acquaintances. I'd say hello but I wouldn't go out of my way to strike a conversation with them

Reply 5

elpistolero7

Interesting question. I was cheated on a few weeks back by my ex who shagged some guy in her halls after going to uni in the U.S. Our friends group here was pretty much the same and on hearing what's happened (there were no problems before she left, we were doing so well) a lot of them are really put off with her, even her girl friends; not all, but most.

Although she really isn't my favorite person in the world right now, what she did was her mistake and it affected me and her (I can tell that she's deeply sorry) and though things are over with us, I can't help feel a bit sad that even her friends refer to her with crass names. Or maybe its just the emotional rollecoaster going on inside my head talking, dunno.

I think people can definitely be friends with a cheater, but depending on the circumstance, from what I've seen in my experience and a few others, the person who cheats is thought lesser off, at least for a while.

Reply 6

blue n white army

Yeah I was really good friends with someone in first year who had a gf who he cheated on all the time he'd go out with the intention of pulling. We were good friends for a while. I personally would never cheat but each to their own.

We're not really friends any more but thats not cos of the cheating

Reply 7

eelnais

What my friends do with their relationships is their business - if they come to me for advice then I would say what I thought, otherwise I'm not going to pass judgement. As it happens, only one of my friends has cheated on her ex-boyfriend and current boyfriend. She told them both straight away afterwards so it's not like there was a secret that needed keeping I suppose.

Reply 8

sb123303

I don't agree with it and I couldn't be their close friend, but I don't hate them for it. I'm just so ****ing confused. Just break up with them instead of cheating!

Reply 9

Mankytoes

Original post by MelanieDickson

Yeah, I've got a good mate who was cheating at uni. His excuse was he'd booked a holiday for Venice for them well in advance, and would break up after. I gave him loads of **** for it, but in a fairly friendly way. In the end someone told her. I have several friends who've done things I don't approve of, but I just think you accept people if they're fun and have your back. It's like in Trainspotting where Renton is trying to justify being mates with a psychopath like Begbe, says something like- "he's a mate, in't he?".

Reply 10

Tai Ga

Yeah. Just could never be in a relationship with them :biggrin:

Reply 11

christopher23

My close friend at university cheats on his girlfriend all the time, like someone said before, he always has the pulling mentality.. its fun, and i dont think of him as a lesser person.

Reply 12

Le Nombre

My close mate is a serial cheat, his current gf is well aware of his past indiscretions, more fool her really. I'll tell him he's a tit every time he does it, but I'm not his moral compass and I get on really well with him, what he does is in his love life is his own business.

Reply 13

ilex_noemi

A guy I've been friends with for 10 years always cheats on his girlfriends. I've never had to keep it a secret though because usually I find out at the same time that the girlfriend does - no pressure on me :smile:

I know he treats girls terribly, but he has always been a good friend to me for all these years. How he acts in his loving relationships isn't anything to do with me. He's a great friend and that's all that is important to me.

Reply 14

sr90

Volunteer Team

I'm pretty sure everyone has at least one friend who has, I can think of a few both male and female. One girl in particular who I know has cheated on every guy she's been with and done some other things which I don't think are right but it's none of my business at the end of the day. She's a perfectly nice friend to me and that's all I care about.

Reply 15

TheOriginalAng

Depends on the circumstances but I guess I'd still be friends with them but probably not as close. Either way, my respect for them would fall immensely, That being said, you don't really need to respect someone to be friends with them.

Whether or not I'd tell their partner depends on how well I know them and the extent of the cheating but I'd encourage whoever cheated to come clean.

Reply 16

UniMastermindBOSS

Well yeah, a friend is a friend and you stand by a good friend no matter what.

BUT... I don't trust people naturally, and depending who they cheated on, after how long, how many times, etc.. I would find it extremely hard to trust them like a best friend.

Reply 17

Michaelj

If I've been friends with someone for a long time, I'm not gonna suddenly stop being friends with him/her for something they haven't done to me. I'm not a morale crusader.

Reply 18

marie08

I could be friends with someone who had cheated in the past because people change, but I don't think I could be friends with someone if they were currently cheating and I knew about it (it would be even worse if I was friends with their girlfriend/boyfriend) because I wouldn't consider them very trustworthy or honest. I think if a friend was cheating and I knew about it I really would feel the urge to tell his/her partner because I don't like people being taken for mugs and if I was in that situation myself I'd want to be told.

Tbh I know so many people that the odds are that I am friends with someone currently cheating. I'd rather not know really because I think it would change my view of them.

Reply 19

emobambam

no,I could not be friends with somebody who cheated.they've already shown a willingness to be dishonest.I would think they would betray me before their significant other.