Dating someone who is less intelligent than you
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Original post by SNichol
An intullect who can't spell intellect, who'd have thought!
It shouldn't make any difference to your relationship at all; my partner is a manager in a warehouse and I'm planning on training to be a teacher, he has a business degree and I study English, two very different fields and vocations. My point is, we don't spend 24 hours a day taking about academia, because that is incredibly dull, and frankly there are better things to discuss!
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It shouldn't make any difference to your relationship at all; my partner is a manager in a warehouse and I'm planning on training to be a teacher, he has a business degree and I study English, two very different fields and vocations. My point is, we don't spend 24 hours a day taking about academia, because that is incredibly dull, and frankly there are better things to discuss!
Posted from TSR Mobile
That's what I was going to say. OP, if you like her go for it. If it fails because of the 'intellectual gap' then break up.
I don't think it matters, really. I don't sit around talking to my boyfriend about languages all the time, and he doesn't bore me with too much economic jargon. There are a million and one other things to talk about, and I doubt she's so dim-witted so as not to be able to have anything to contribute in a discussion.
Either way, rather than dismiss her for something that could be, why don't you find out for sure? Why pass up what could be a good thing because you have notions about her that may not be true?
His only reason for labelling her as so inferior to him is that she does nursing, it looks like. It's not like she's an underachieving layabout who flips burgers with underwhelming goals in life and no hobbies, she's just in a different field to him.
Either way, rather than dismiss her for something that could be, why don't you find out for sure? Why pass up what could be a good thing because you have notions about her that may not be true?
Original post by MostUncivilised
Actually, I take your point entirely. I used to go out with guys who were not that clever, and I ended up coming to the conclusion that it just wasn't for me. It really comes down to choices you make; if intellect is important to you, then you will always feel disappointed with someone who isn't quite on the same level.
I don't know why other people on here are getting so butt-hurt about it, it's a fairly simple proposition.
I don't know why other people on here are getting so butt-hurt about it, it's a fairly simple proposition.
His only reason for labelling her as so inferior to him is that she does nursing, it looks like. It's not like she's an underachieving layabout who flips burgers with underwhelming goals in life and no hobbies, she's just in a different field to him.
My problem is that with these people who think they're intelligent they're incredibly snobby, hard to talk to, speak lots of confusing jargon (Just get to the point!) and are no fun and have lost their childish side.
We can talk about society and politics, but also have loads of fun! I want an exciting girl who speaks from her soul as well as her brain.
Posted from TSR Mobile
We can talk about society and politics, but also have loads of fun! I want an exciting girl who speaks from her soul as well as her brain.
Posted from TSR Mobile
(edited 10 years ago)
Original post by desdemonata
His only reason for labelling her as so inferior to him is that she does nursing, it looks like. It's not like she's an underachieving layabout who flips burgers, she's just in a different field to him.
His only reason for labelling her as so inferior to him is that she does nursing, it looks like. It's not like she's an underachieving layabout who flips burgers, she's just in a different field to him.
I don't think you necessarily need to be in the same field, it's question of your partner having sufficient intellectual refinement and general knowledge that you can discuss any topic (politics, art, history, sexuality, travel etc etc).
And I think you might be being unfair when you say that was the only reason he labelled her less intelligent, it seems like he's sussed her out fairly well if he's making this thread. Her degree choice was merely, as we would say in the law world, persuasive, not authoritative.
(edited 10 years ago)
Original post by MostUncivilised
I don't think you necessarily need to be in the same field, it's question of your partner having sufficient intellectual refinement and general knowledge that you can discuss any topic (politics, art, history, sexuality, travel etc etc).
Yes, that's why I mentioned an underachiever who doesn't like using their brain... I'm saying that them being in different fields is not a good reason to just dismiss her as an idiot who can't hold a conversation because her degree isn't "academic" enough. And to be honest, someone who thinks that's a good enough reason to label someone as not clever enough for them is a bit of an idiot, ironically.
If he'd said "I get the feeling sometimes when we talk that she isn't really keeping up or doesn't have much to say..." then yeah, that'd be fine, that gives you an excellent idea of how many one-sided conversations you'd have as a couple. As is, though, his only reason for labelling her stupid is pretty flimsy.
OP, I do think you have a point, although perhaps you didn't put it across very well.
Like me, you are obviously the sort of person who likes an intellectual challenge of sorts in their relationship. It doesn't bother some people, but it does others. I don't think that's any worse than wanting to be with someone who can make you laugh, for example. I wouldn't say that, just because someone's degree isn't as "academic" as my own, that would be a problem: one of my closest friends is a nurse (I'm a law student like yourself) and he has one of the most brilliant minds I've ever known. But, if there is an intellectual gap there and it does bother you, then I don't think you should beat yourself up about it, even though that sounds a bit harsh.
I think the negative comments on this thread are based on the assumption that you are unhappy to be with her "just because she has a nursing degree and you have a law degree". I agree that would be wrong because there's nothing material there, just snobbery. But that's not how I read your original post.
Your personalities have to be compatible - I don't mean that they have to be exactly the same - but the relationship has to work, and if intelligence, academic debate, wit or whatever else is an important foundation of a relationship that works for you, then I think that's fine. You can't force yourself to be with someone if it just doesn't "work" even if your reason for that might seem a little strange to others. Anyway, as you say, there may be other things that are affecting your relationship too and it may so happen that the person you marry has no degree at all, but they may have a different kind of intelligence that is just what you're looking for.
Like me, you are obviously the sort of person who likes an intellectual challenge of sorts in their relationship. It doesn't bother some people, but it does others. I don't think that's any worse than wanting to be with someone who can make you laugh, for example. I wouldn't say that, just because someone's degree isn't as "academic" as my own, that would be a problem: one of my closest friends is a nurse (I'm a law student like yourself) and he has one of the most brilliant minds I've ever known. But, if there is an intellectual gap there and it does bother you, then I don't think you should beat yourself up about it, even though that sounds a bit harsh.
I think the negative comments on this thread are based on the assumption that you are unhappy to be with her "just because she has a nursing degree and you have a law degree". I agree that would be wrong because there's nothing material there, just snobbery. But that's not how I read your original post.
Your personalities have to be compatible - I don't mean that they have to be exactly the same - but the relationship has to work, and if intelligence, academic debate, wit or whatever else is an important foundation of a relationship that works for you, then I think that's fine. You can't force yourself to be with someone if it just doesn't "work" even if your reason for that might seem a little strange to others. Anyway, as you say, there may be other things that are affecting your relationship too and it may so happen that the person you marry has no degree at all, but they may have a different kind of intelligence that is just what you're looking for.
(edited 10 years ago)
What I don't get is this trivial business...
So what if the other person's got 3 fingers and 1 toe, as long as you love them for who they are it doesn't make a difference.
Anyway, judging by your title ''Dating someone who is intelligent than you''
I can see where we have problems my friend.
So what if the other person's got 3 fingers and 1 toe, as long as you love them for who they are it doesn't make a difference.
Anyway, judging by your title ''Dating someone who is intelligent than you''
I can see where we have problems my friend.
There is a whole spectrum of intelligences. Just because you might have more logical intelligence doesn't mean you're definitively more intelligent than her.
Aside from that, I can somewhat understand what you're talking about. One of my exes wasn't too keen on intellectual discussions. She was very nice, caring etc but I simply couldn't connect with her.
If you're absolutely sure she isn't the intellectual-debate type then I wouldn't bother proceeding. You come across a bit of a snob in the OP though.
Aside from that, I can somewhat understand what you're talking about. One of my exes wasn't too keen on intellectual discussions. She was very nice, caring etc but I simply couldn't connect with her.
If you're absolutely sure she isn't the intellectual-debate type then I wouldn't bother proceeding. You come across a bit of a snob in the OP though.
Original post by russellsteapot
I think it's a valid point to an extent, although your reasoning seems a little skewed (there's no reason that a law degree makes you more intelligent than a nurse, for example).
If there really is a dearth of 'proper' conversation, then it can be an issue, and it isn't harsh to say so. Indeed, everything in life (including looks and whatnot) is transitory, but if you can't converse happily with someone into old age, thinking about marriage is pointless. But at the same time, two different people can often have more interesting conversations.
What's the actual issue? Is it that she does nursing, or that she can't follow your conversations sometimes?
If there really is a dearth of 'proper' conversation, then it can be an issue, and it isn't harsh to say so. Indeed, everything in life (including looks and whatnot) is transitory, but if you can't converse happily with someone into old age, thinking about marriage is pointless. But at the same time, two different people can often have more interesting conversations.
What's the actual issue? Is it that she does nursing, or that she can't follow your conversations sometimes?
I love the use of 'dearth'. Wonderful..wonderful..
i remember with my last ex.... my parents didn't like her for multiple reasons.... I found it funny as they said they much preffered my current gf due to the fact she was more intelligent and pushed me intellectually... which I found funny for two reasons...
1) We don't really talk about anything in depth apart from what GOT character's names we will use to name our children...
2) I doubt I could find a girl as intelligent as me
but quite seriously I doubt I could find the kind of woman I like who also shared my own academic interest's.
1) We don't really talk about anything in depth apart from what GOT character's names we will use to name our children...
2) I doubt I could find a girl as intelligent as me
but quite seriously I doubt I could find the kind of woman I like who also shared my own academic interest's.I find it a bit strange that it's perfectly normal to realise that not everyone is of equal intelligence, but it's some kind of crime to not think you're the most stupid person in the world and that someone in particular is less intelligent than you.
Law is not that academic!Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by Anonymous
Hi everyone!
I know that the title of this post sounds crass but let me explain:
I know a girl, she has a great personality, really friendly, genuinely nice person, she is one of those people who doesn't have a bad bone in her body, I also enjoy being around her.
However, I feel that i'm looking for someone who is on a similar academic level to me, so we can debate and have substantive discussions regarding academic subjects (this ovbiously isn't the main/only thing I am looking for in a wife but is a factor to consider). I'm doing a law degree and she is studying nursing, there is a clear intullectual gap between the two of us, part of me says that doesn't matter as she is a great person and is someone who I can see myself marrying, but on the other hand I worry that I may get frustrated that we may have more limited topics of conversation due to the the gap in our intullects (this isn't just an intelligence issue, I think that a consequence of that is a difference in some interests as well).
So what i'm really asking you guys is should this intullectual gap be a real concern or should I focus on her great personality etc. and go for it?
P.S please don't think that i'm an intullectual snob i'm really far from that, its simply a big factor in a big decision which i'm concerned about.
Thanks in advance for your advice!!
I know that the title of this post sounds crass but let me explain:
I know a girl, she has a great personality, really friendly, genuinely nice person, she is one of those people who doesn't have a bad bone in her body, I also enjoy being around her.
However, I feel that i'm looking for someone who is on a similar academic level to me, so we can debate and have substantive discussions regarding academic subjects (this ovbiously isn't the main/only thing I am looking for in a wife but is a factor to consider). I'm doing a law degree and she is studying nursing, there is a clear intullectual gap between the two of us, part of me says that doesn't matter as she is a great person and is someone who I can see myself marrying, but on the other hand I worry that I may get frustrated that we may have more limited topics of conversation due to the the gap in our intullects (this isn't just an intelligence issue, I think that a consequence of that is a difference in some interests as well).
So what i'm really asking you guys is should this intullectual gap be a real concern or should I focus on her great personality etc. and go for it?
P.S please don't think that i'm an intullectual snob i'm really far from that, its simply a big factor in a big decision which i'm concerned about.
Thanks in advance for your advice!!
Original post by Anonymous
Hi everyone!
I know that the title of this post sounds crass but let me explain:
I know a girl, she has a great personality, really friendly, genuinely nice person, she is one of those people who doesn't have a bad bone in her body, I also enjoy being around her.
However, I feel that i'm looking for someone who is on a similar academic level to me, so we can debate and have substantive discussions regarding academic subjects (this ovbiously isn't the main/only thing I am looking for in a wife but is a factor to consider). I'm doing a law degree and she is studying nursing, there is a clear intullectual gap between the two of us, part of me says that doesn't matter as she is a great person and is someone who I can see myself marrying, but on the other hand I worry that I may get frustrated that we may have more limited topics of conversation due to the the gap in our intullects (this isn't just an intelligence issue, I think that a consequence of that is a difference in some interests as well).
So what i'm really asking you guys is should this intullectual gap be a real concern or should I focus on her great personality etc. and go for it?
P.S please don't think that i'm an intullectual snob i'm really far from that, its simply a big factor in a big decision which i'm concerned about.
Thanks in advance for your advice!!
I know that the title of this post sounds crass but let me explain:
I know a girl, she has a great personality, really friendly, genuinely nice person, she is one of those people who doesn't have a bad bone in her body, I also enjoy being around her.
However, I feel that i'm looking for someone who is on a similar academic level to me, so we can debate and have substantive discussions regarding academic subjects (this ovbiously isn't the main/only thing I am looking for in a wife but is a factor to consider). I'm doing a law degree and she is studying nursing, there is a clear intullectual gap between the two of us, part of me says that doesn't matter as she is a great person and is someone who I can see myself marrying, but on the other hand I worry that I may get frustrated that we may have more limited topics of conversation due to the the gap in our intullects (this isn't just an intelligence issue, I think that a consequence of that is a difference in some interests as well).
So what i'm really asking you guys is should this intullectual gap be a real concern or should I focus on her great personality etc. and go for it?
P.S please don't think that i'm an intullectual snob i'm really far from that, its simply a big factor in a big decision which i'm concerned about.
Thanks in advance for your advice!!
Original post by Lady_L
You have a few mistakes in your writing. What makes you think you are such an intellect? (note the spelling)
Original post by DivinityA
Why is there an intelligence gap? You're both going into complete separate fields of expertise.
Why is there an intelligence gap? You're both going into complete separate fields of expertise.
Agreed; I do understand where you're coming from OP, personally I wouldn't like to go out with someone who I can't have a meaningful discussion about something - however, what makes you think that the fact that she's doing nursing makes her any less intelligent?
EDIT: Opps; turns out that even if you unselect the multi-quote thingy, it still quotes their post...
(edited 10 years ago)
Original post by tazarooni89
I find it a bit strange that it's perfectly normal to realise that not everyone is of equal intelligence, but it's some kind of crime to not think you're the most stupid person in the world and that someone in particular is less intelligent than you.
I don't think thats the problem here, it's more the fact that the OP is implying that she's unable to hold an intelligent conversation because she's doing nursing, which is a pretty stupid thing to say.
If he had said "she seems dim when we're having a conversation, she's not interested in politics" then fair enough, but i don't see why bringing her degree into it is relevant.
Original post by deedee123
I don't think thats the problem here, it's more the fact that the OP is implying that she's unable to hold an intelligent conversation because she's doing nursing, which is a pretty stupid thing to say.
If he had said "she seems dim when we're having a conversation, she's not interested in politics" then fair enough, but i don't see why bringing her degree into it is relevant.
If he had said "she seems dim when we're having a conversation, she's not interested in politics" then fair enough, but i don't see why bringing her degree into it is relevant.
I don't know what the OP's exact situation is, so I can't really say much about that. I was just commenting in general really.
It's not really a secret that some degrees are more academically rigorous than others, with higher entry requirements etc. and are therefore more likely to attract students who are more "intelligent" (according to some definition).
Obviously it's not very nice to go up to someone and say "Haha you're doing a degree in Mickey Mouse studies, you must be really thick". But I get the impression that much of society will want to berate you for simply acknowledging the (probable) gap in intelligence that might exist between yourself and someone else, or basing a decision on it.
As for Law vs Nursing, I won't say that one is more of an "intelligent" degree than another, because they're not really comparable in that regard - the motivations for studying them are completely different. But I can still see why someone might think that they'd attract people with very different mindsets, who might not think the same way or see eye to eye very often; in the same way that you might not expect a computer programmer to be best friends/have a happy marriage with a pro wrestler very often.
I'm going to assume OP expressed himself badly in the first instance.
I have a degree in politics. That's very reflective of what interests me most in the world and it has also to a large extent shaped how I understand the world/life. I was seeing someone who is very interested in politics and intelligent but at the time they didn't have high school qualifications though are now studying a science and will start uni next year. Whilst we shared interests and are both intelligent, for me it was an issue that they didn't get (not even in an informal way) things like discourse theory. That's just one example, but eventually I learned that part of my criteria for a relationship are intelligence, interest in non-party politics and well educated in social sciences (formally or informally).
There are things related to education and intelligence that matter to some people in relationships and you need to unpick what exactly that is. But don't go around saying it's to do with being intellectual- nobody likes someone who declares themself intellectual, you can be intellectual in many different ways so it doesn't mean much and she almost certainly is intellectual in some senses of it.
I have a degree in politics. That's very reflective of what interests me most in the world and it has also to a large extent shaped how I understand the world/life. I was seeing someone who is very interested in politics and intelligent but at the time they didn't have high school qualifications though are now studying a science and will start uni next year. Whilst we shared interests and are both intelligent, for me it was an issue that they didn't get (not even in an informal way) things like discourse theory. That's just one example, but eventually I learned that part of my criteria for a relationship are intelligence, interest in non-party politics and well educated in social sciences (formally or informally).
There are things related to education and intelligence that matter to some people in relationships and you need to unpick what exactly that is. But don't go around saying it's to do with being intellectual- nobody likes someone who declares themself intellectual, you can be intellectual in many different ways so it doesn't mean much and she almost certainly is intellectual in some senses of it.
Original post by Anonymous
Hi everyone!
I know that the title of this post sounds crass but let me explain:
I know a girl, she has a great personality, really friendly, genuinely nice person, she is one of those people who doesn't have a bad bone in her body, I also enjoy being around her.
However, I feel that i'm looking for someone who is on a similar academic level to me, so we can debate and have substantive discussions regarding academic subjects (this ovbiously isn't the main/only thing I am looking for in a wife but is a factor to consider). I'm doing a law degree and she is studying nursing, there is a clear intullectual gap between the two of us, part of me says that doesn't matter as she is a great person and is someone who I can see myself marrying, but on the other hand I worry that I may get frustrated that we may have more limited topics of conversation due to the the gap in our intullects (this isn't just an intelligence issue, I think that a consequence of that is a difference in some interests as well).
So what i'm really asking you guys is should this intullectual gap be a real concern or should I focus on her great personality etc. and go for it?
P.S please don't think that i'm an intullectual snob i'm really far from that, its simply a big factor in a big decision which i'm concerned about.
Thanks in advance for your advice!!
I know that the title of this post sounds crass but let me explain:
I know a girl, she has a great personality, really friendly, genuinely nice person, she is one of those people who doesn't have a bad bone in her body, I also enjoy being around her.
However, I feel that i'm looking for someone who is on a similar academic level to me, so we can debate and have substantive discussions regarding academic subjects (this ovbiously isn't the main/only thing I am looking for in a wife but is a factor to consider). I'm doing a law degree and she is studying nursing, there is a clear intullectual gap between the two of us, part of me says that doesn't matter as she is a great person and is someone who I can see myself marrying, but on the other hand I worry that I may get frustrated that we may have more limited topics of conversation due to the the gap in our intullects (this isn't just an intelligence issue, I think that a consequence of that is a difference in some interests as well).
So what i'm really asking you guys is should this intullectual gap be a real concern or should I focus on her great personality etc. and go for it?
P.S please don't think that i'm an intullectual snob i'm really far from that, its simply a big factor in a big decision which i'm concerned about.
Thanks in advance for your advice!!
It is understandable that you are looking for someone with similar academics. however what makes you think if she is not with similar academics, you will have very limited topics of discussion.
I am not a doctor but have studied Guyton and many medicine books. I have dated doctors, engineers, lawyers, anthropologists, archeaologists (you name it). There were decent discussions on everything even on my subject which were not their expertise(I am a Doctor of Engineering in Chemical Engineering).
I never struggled to find many people who can have decent conversation on many things and topics. However, I struggled to find many people with that personality as you described her.
If you dont find her suitable to your needs. Kindly give me her details. I struggled nearly half my life to find a girl without a bad bone in her body.
Regards,
Original post by MostUncivilised
Actually, I take your point entirely. I used to go out with guys who were not that clever, and I ended up coming to the conclusion that it just wasn't for me. It really comes down to choices you make; if intellect is important to you, then you will always feel disappointed with someone who isn't quite on the same level.
I don't know why other people on here are getting so butt-hurt about it, it's a fairly simple proposition.
As a law student whose boyfrend is a lawyer, I know exactly what you mean and I would really struggle with someone who wasn't on the same "wavelength" (they wouldn't necessarily have to be law oriented, but they would need a good brain and probably a history or English or mod languages degree)
I don't know why other people on here are getting so butt-hurt about it, it's a fairly simple proposition.
As a law student whose boyfrend is a lawyer, I know exactly what you mean and I would really struggle with someone who wasn't on the same "wavelength" (they wouldn't necessarily have to be law oriented, but they would need a good brain and probably a history or English or mod languages degree)
They weren't clever? I've seen your posts, and you're intelligent, but I wouldn't say any more than that. I'd say guys on here like 'profesh' and 'DJMoyes' are simply a cut above in intelligence tbh.
You can't expect one person to provide everything. The thing you're asking of her - an ability to participate in deep questions - is something you can get from other people. Even very successful partnerships have different things they're interested in. Whether it's fashion, films, or football, it's okay not to have a complete overlap of interests. Given all the positive things you have described about her, it would be naive to demand more. By all means hold out for this 'perfect' woman, but expect to be single for a long time.
Personally the idea of sitting around of a night talking about Heidegger and what we think of the death penalty strikes me as utterly abhorrent.
Personally the idea of sitting around of a night talking about Heidegger and what we think of the death penalty strikes me as utterly abhorrent.
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