I feel like people don't want to date me because of my race
BTW this thread is NOT for you to answer the question, it’s just a discussion about what I’ve seen.
As a teenage girl who is a POC, it’s hard when you see these videos and constantly your race is always the one people say is the least attractive etc.
idk why it hurts a little bit, even though it’s not a direct comment at me.
People usually always say Indians and Pakistanis- though more Indians. And I think it’s a stereotype that we all smell because we eat curry and that we are all dusty because parts of India is less wealthy than others. Or perhaps it’s some of our features I’m not sure. I’m trying to get more involved in our culture but it hurts when you see videos that are like that, it really does.
And ofc not all Indian people look the same. Well, unless you’re racist then you’d beg to differ, but I wonder why collectively people seem to hate us.
It’s not like we are horrible and I don’t recall us ever doing anything.
I remember my friend liked this guy, and this guy said to her that he wouldn’t date her because she’s brown?
As a teenage girl who is a POC, it’s hard when you see these videos and constantly your race is always the one people say is the least attractive etc.
idk why it hurts a little bit, even though it’s not a direct comment at me.
People usually always say Indians and Pakistanis- though more Indians. And I think it’s a stereotype that we all smell because we eat curry and that we are all dusty because parts of India is less wealthy than others. Or perhaps it’s some of our features I’m not sure. I’m trying to get more involved in our culture but it hurts when you see videos that are like that, it really does.
And ofc not all Indian people look the same. Well, unless you’re racist then you’d beg to differ, but I wonder why collectively people seem to hate us.
It’s not like we are horrible and I don’t recall us ever doing anything.
I remember my friend liked this guy, and this guy said to her that he wouldn’t date her because she’s brown?
Racists will always be racists, I definitely think cultural things are very difficult and can make things harder.
I personally was talking to a Punjabi guy for a short period of time, unfortunately the sole and only reason it didn’t work out was because his family told him he would be disowned if he got with someone who wasn’t Punjabi. I don’t blame him at all for not wanting to take it any further but it definitely creates divides and stigmas towards the community.
I won’t lie aswell this seems to be quite common in POC, there’s a massive push to marry within race and even nationality/ethnic group but obviously if a white person had this preference openly it would automatically be deemed to be sinister.
I personally was talking to a Punjabi guy for a short period of time, unfortunately the sole and only reason it didn’t work out was because his family told him he would be disowned if he got with someone who wasn’t Punjabi. I don’t blame him at all for not wanting to take it any further but it definitely creates divides and stigmas towards the community.
I won’t lie aswell this seems to be quite common in POC, there’s a massive push to marry within race and even nationality/ethnic group but obviously if a white person had this preference openly it would automatically be deemed to be sinister.
im an indian guy and this has happend to me, everyone else in my group who isnt indian dosent have to deal with it
Original post by Anonymous
im an indian guy and this has happend to me, everyone else in my group who isnt indian dosent have to deal with it
How is it going for you though? How are you coping with it?
the struggle of being south Asian is so real, especially in the dating world. its just so hard seeing yourself in a positive light when people around you and the media don't. its difficult as well bc now in the back of my head there's always that 'is it because I'm brown' thought. its so weird because we typically have all the features other girls want like big eyes, tanned skin, healthy hair, brows and lashes yet when its on us it seems as though others do not want it? even some people in our own culture and race don't want us - this is the hardest part of it all
(edited 10 months ago)
Original post by Anonymous
How is it going for you though? How are you coping with it?
im not really coping with it well tbh, its happening with friendships too, because im shorter than average (im only 5"7 but for some reason everyone else at my school are huge) and white people dont really approach me for any sorts of conversations so they only people i can hang out with are other POC but most of them are muslim and i am not muslim so i dont have anything in common with them and they dont really like me either. Most of this is because i decided to move somewhere else for sixth form so I lost alot of my established friends. I have no chance on the romantic side either for those reasons mentioned above and tbh i dont even have the bandwith for another person now because Ive ended up lonely with no energy and I have classic issues with my parents so theres nothing I really do except to try distract myself from my life which is counter-productive since that gets me behind in revision which makes me feel even worse. I used to be able to get 9s at GCSEs without revising and now I dont really have any skills to get through this because everything was easier during gcses and my old school, now im getting an average of C in all my subjects because I cant bring myself to do any sort of work for some reason.
Original post by Anonymous
im not really coping with it well tbh, its happening with friendships too, because im shorter than average (im only 5"7 but for some reason everyone else at my school are huge) and white people dont really approach me for any sorts of conversations so they only people i can hang out with are other POC but most of them are muslim and i am not muslim so i dont have anything in common with them and they dont really like me either. Most of this is because i decided to move somewhere else for sixth form so I lost alot of my established friends. I have no chance on the romantic side either for those reasons mentioned above and tbh i dont even have the bandwith for another person now because Ive ended up lonely with no energy and I have classic issues with my parents so theres nothing I really do except to try distract myself from my life which is counter-productive since that gets me behind in revision which makes me feel even worse. I used to be able to get 9s at GCSEs without revising and now I dont really have any skills to get through this because everything was easier during gcses and my old school, now im getting an average of C in all my subjects because I cant bring myself to do any sort of work for some reason.
Been there tbh. Though I’ve realised, as a female brown girl, I’ve actually recently had a few relationships with white guys. And it’s weird because all my life I’ve been insecure about being brown and having the ‘undesirable’ qualities, but as I’ve grown I think I’ve become more appealing to those around me. Like you, I’m in sixth form too. Year 12 specifically. I’d say for yourself, give it some time. Focus on your ALEVELS atm and i promise you, all will come to you naturally. I’m not sure if you have a preference over white peoples to brown people, if you do that’s totally ok. But be aware that maybe not currently, but definitely in the coming years, you will notice people coming to you naturally
Original post by Anonymous
Been there tbh. Though I’ve realised, as a female brown girl, I’ve actually recently had a few relationships with white guys. And it’s weird because all my life I’ve been insecure about being brown and having the ‘undesirable’ qualities, but as I’ve grown I think I’ve become more appealing to those around me. Like you, I’m in sixth form too. Year 12 specifically. I’d say for yourself, give it some time. Focus on your ALEVELS atm and i promise you, all will come to you naturally. I’m not sure if you have a preference over white peoples to brown people, if you do that’s totally ok. But be aware that maybe not currently, but definitely in the coming years, you will notice people coming to you naturally
thank you, i think just knowing its not just me thats been going through this helps alot. I have had a relationship with a girl in year 11 but I ended up breaking up with her after a few months, I think its just the stress of switching schools and my end of year mocks that decided my predicated grades coming up thats just making me freak out lol.
There are plenty of compatible single guys in the dating sea, many of whom you will meet over the next few years.
Over the course of every healthy average person's post 16 active dating life, they will cross paths with some people who are not interested in dating or casual sex and some who are.
It's important to never take a lack of mutual attraction or dating interest personally.
Different people often have very different attraction dealbreakers, ambitions, beauty standards and relationship preferences.
Attraction dealbreakers cannot be changed or chosen.
They can apply to a physical type in terms of appearance or accent.
Also apply to types of personal background involving elements like career, education, ethnicity, fame, family background, intelligence and wealth.
If you are most interested in dating asian guys, there are plenty of sites with a primarily asian membership where single adult asian females with interesting profiles and good photo galleries tend to attract huge amounts of dating interest from single asian guys.
Some of the sites are more serious relationship or dating for marriage orientated.
But there are also lots of guys looking for casual dating or to explore the relationship possibilities.
Good luck!
Over the course of every healthy average person's post 16 active dating life, they will cross paths with some people who are not interested in dating or casual sex and some who are.
It's important to never take a lack of mutual attraction or dating interest personally.
Different people often have very different attraction dealbreakers, ambitions, beauty standards and relationship preferences.
Attraction dealbreakers cannot be changed or chosen.
They can apply to a physical type in terms of appearance or accent.
Also apply to types of personal background involving elements like career, education, ethnicity, fame, family background, intelligence and wealth.
If you are most interested in dating asian guys, there are plenty of sites with a primarily asian membership where single adult asian females with interesting profiles and good photo galleries tend to attract huge amounts of dating interest from single asian guys.
Some of the sites are more serious relationship or dating for marriage orientated.
But there are also lots of guys looking for casual dating or to explore the relationship possibilities.
Good luck!
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