Would you class this as cheating?
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My question to you is why would you think that what he did or said at this point in your relationship was anything but creepy at best. Lets say you had the opportunity to do the same with a x would you? If not then do you not have the answer you are seeking?
Instead of defining it as 'cheating' or 'not cheating' I would just think of it as what it is - he basically went on a date with his ex-girlfriend and lied about it. IF he actually did stop her from kissing him, he most likely only stopped her because it occurred to him how screwed he'd be if he got caught. Most definitely not marriage material. Get out of the relationship before you do something regrettable (like get married!).
To clarify, I don't think there is anything wrong with going to the cinema with an ex or a girl who isn't your girlfriend. But only someone who was up to no good would have to lie to you about it.
To clarify, I don't think there is anything wrong with going to the cinema with an ex or a girl who isn't your girlfriend. But only someone who was up to no good would have to lie to you about it.
(edited 10 years ago)
We spoke last night about it. He said it was a final goodbye and he wanted to meet her somewhere that they didn't have to talk much. (But I know she invited him to the cinema) and he said she held his hand but he felt awkward not to hold her hand. What shall I do? I'm so ill now keep throwing up. 
Original post by Anonymous
A few weeks ago my fiancé told me he was going to the cinema with one of his guy friends. I've just found out that he actually went with his ex girlfriend. I asked him about it and he told me he would tell me the whole truth and they had held hands during the film. He said she tried to kiss him and asked him to go to her house but he refused.
He promised me he was telling the truth about just holding hands. But even so I'm very upset about even that. Am I being pathetic? We're getting married very soon and I'm scared I'm making a mistake.
Also I found out from her that he didn't tell her we were getting married. But he's promised me that he did tell her.
I'm just so confused and upset, even about the holding hands I just don't get why he lied about who he was going with. I did say to him if he wants to meet her it's fine as long as he's honest with me.
He promised me he was telling the truth about just holding hands. But even so I'm very upset about even that. Am I being pathetic? We're getting married very soon and I'm scared I'm making a mistake.
Also I found out from her that he didn't tell her we were getting married. But he's promised me that he did tell her.
I'm just so confused and upset, even about the holding hands I just don't get why he lied about who he was going with. I did say to him if he wants to meet her it's fine as long as he's honest with me.
IMO it wouldn't be a huge deal if it wasn't for the fact he lied. The holding hands is odd, but little more than that. But the fact he felt the need to lie to you about who he was going with, and then topping it up with more means you need to put a cork in the wedding plans.
Original post by SkinnyKat
Seems like a suspicious sitiuation to me. First, he lied and then it turns out he held hands with her? Personally, I would not tolerate a fiance holding hands with an ex. Remember that this man is supposed to be your husband soon, presumably the person you'll spend the rest of your life with. If there are alarm bells ringing now (and there should be) then should you be marrying him? His behaviour isn't that of a man in love and ready to commit to one woman forever.
This, very much this.
The note book part 2
You do know that the mean age of the population of this site is not those who would be soon to be married?...
Cheating? No. Deceitful and worrying? YES!!!
I know it must be really hard for you to deal with this right now, but the man you had planned to spend the rest of your life with, the man who is supposed to know you and love you better than anyone else, lied to you and people don't lie if they have nothing to hide. Would it really be a good idea to go through with the wedding just because you're scared of the alternative? Is that the dream future you imagined for yourself? Marrying a liar who went on a date with an ex whilst engaged to you?
I think the best thing you can do is talk to someone you can trust; a close friend or family member. Explain the situation and talk it through with them, after all strangers on the internet can only do so much to help you.
Good luck.
I know it must be really hard for you to deal with this right now, but the man you had planned to spend the rest of your life with, the man who is supposed to know you and love you better than anyone else, lied to you and people don't lie if they have nothing to hide. Would it really be a good idea to go through with the wedding just because you're scared of the alternative? Is that the dream future you imagined for yourself? Marrying a liar who went on a date with an ex whilst engaged to you?
I think the best thing you can do is talk to someone you can trust; a close friend or family member. Explain the situation and talk it through with them, after all strangers on the internet can only do so much to help you.
Good luck.
Original post by Anonymous
We spoke last night about it. He said it was a final goodbye and he wanted to meet her somewhere that they didn't have to talk much. (But I know she invited him to the cinema) and he said she held his hand but he felt awkward not to hold her hand. What shall I do? I'm so ill now keep throwing up.
If you're in love and happy about your upcoming marriage, you don't need a final goodbye with your ex, you're not even thinking about your ex. Plus, you don't worry about what might be perceived as awkward by your ex, you worry about betraying someone you love.
Original post by Anonymous
We spoke last night about it. He said it was a final goodbye and he wanted to meet her somewhere that they didn't have to talk much. (But I know she invited him to the cinema) and he said she held his hand but he felt awkward not to hold her hand. What shall I do? I'm so ill now keep throwing up.
Why would you need to meet up with your ex as a final goodbye before marriage?
That fact that he lied about meeting her rings huge alarm bells. How can you trust him when he's not being honest about some he claims is innocent.
Think very carefully before you marry this man. Nothing will destroy a marriage faster than a breakdown of trust.
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Just think... if you were married would you still constantly be suspicious of him lying to you like that? In a healthy relationship you need trust and if you don’t think you have that postpone the marriage at the very least. If it’s bad enough that you might break up, make sure to have a conversation and explain how you feel first and see where that leads. Also if you did the same with one of your exes how would he react?
Original post by vortex13
Just think... if you were married would you still constantly be suspicious of him lying to you like that? In a healthy relationship you need trust and if you don’t think you have that postpone the marriage at the very least. If it’s bad enough that you might break up, make sure to have a conversation and explain how you feel first and see where that leads. Also if you did the same with one of your exes how would he react?
(Psst - the rest of this thread happened five years ago)
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