Need help with what to do next

Hi guys and girls, my name is Stefan, I am 18 years old and I just joined this forum room. I have been looking at the forums for all kinds of help about life and education etc and founded it useful but never made an account until now. Since I need support and I think I am about to lose the little sanity I have left. ;/
(please don't be picky on my spelling or grammar mistakes
because I have dyslexia)

I am currently studying A levels in college but family problems that I have been suffering for years are finally taking its toll on me. Firstly my first year didn't go so great as I got C (one mark away from a B) C and D in Sociology, ICT and statistics at AS Level respectively. I am now in my second year is almost finished and I don't know what to do. Since the amount of exams, depression and pressure to do well from everyone etc is overwhelming me. Also I got a D in AS Economics but I dropped that. Furthermore I didn't even finish the coursework I was supposed to do for ICT at all and I was supposed to redo last years coursework as well. Its not that I am not a hard worker but if I am not in the right state of mind to do something I wouldn't do it until I am.
(Note that I had a similar situation in GCSE's and panicked in most of my exams but I still got good grades from it despite my difficulties and keep these issues to myself because I didn't know who to turn to.)

I just started to get help for my family problems etc, its helping me cope with the troubles that I have fallen into but I think its a story of far little to late because I think the final deadline for the ICT coursework as gone past.

Anyways I want to tell bit of my problems because I think it will help you give me better advice or to know other people in similar situations as I am. To start off my parents always had a one sided relationship where ever I used ask a question to my dad, the answer is mostly to be go to your mother.
So I always fell disconnected from him, I mean he's not a bad man but I don't feel like I lived my childhood the way I wanted it to be because of that.
Plus my opinions was always chucked in the bin by everyone so I felt alone. Additionally my mother always wanted things her way otherwise she will get angry. I don't think that she loved us as a mother is supposed to. (me, my sister and my dad) Due to that fact that she only cared about education and money which is want the capitalist system drives on especially in the UK. My dad as been in work for 25 year but since that job ended he's been in and out of work and now they spilt up (around a year ago) but we all live in the same house. Also my sister was forced in to college otherwise she would get kicked out of the house and is always getting in arguments with mum because she's not in "work or education". However she is going to bible college and is a devoted person to her church and wants to help out the need which I am proud of her for but my mum cannot accept that. The reason I said that is because my mum wants me to be her son that she raised with her ideas etc. for example when I showed her my gcses's she was like is a B better then an A. I was very hurt by that to go though all that pain and get a crap comment. I was insulted lol XD but I didn't say anything to start an argument. I want to live my life,my own way.

Basically ever since the start of the year of (2014), I have been struggling to come to terms with everything and started not going to college or doing any work because I couldn't take it any more. I felt like I hit and wall. When I tried to explain this to her she just called me names and got angry and the next time she tried to address this issue. She acted like I ever explained this to her. I don't want to live my whole life running by other peoples expectations or being a copy of someone else otherwise I will be sad because thats's just not me. I remember once my mum said to my sister: your no use to me because she's not in education or work. This makes me think that she is/was using us. So that she can run her mouth of to her family and be proud of herself. Since her pride comes first before anything and everything else.

You know its depressing that people from LEDC's think that life is better in MEDC's when its actually even worse in my view. Just that the problems aren't as obvious. (less/more economicly developed countries)

My next step is to retake my A2s next year then get into uni and possibly move out away from this hell hold. Therefore I will be ready for uni properly and mange things better. This is for those who are wondering: I am intending to to do Information Technology at the Uni of Essex with a placement year,. However I know little about the government changes
around college in general and I need tons of information on that.

This is the first time, I am looking out for help. So this is a new and weird experience for me.
Thanks for reading and I hope you can help. (I am sorry to those who think that I am insulting my mother but I can't express my feelings in any other way.)
Stefan :smile:

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 1

shooks

TSR Community Staff

Original post by Stefangz

Hi guys and girls, my name is Stefan,

Hey Stefan. Sorry to hear you're having such a tough time. You mention changes around going to college/uni - what sort of things are you wondering about in particular?