I Give up
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Original post by 870136
No, I mean it's because I have none so it is a literal impossibility
Oh right okay, these people you sit with in lectures, have you thought about after the end of the lecture day asking if they all feel like going to the pub or something? I made a few friends last week just by asking that.
Original post by SophieSmall
Oh right okay, these people you sit with in lectures, have you thought about after the end of the lecture day asking if they all feel like going to the pub or something? I made a few friends last week just by asking that.
Without giving too much away about who I am - these people don't live in a place where it would be convenient for us to just go to hang out. It would take quite a bit of effort.
Original post by 870136
Without giving too much away about who I am - these people don't live in a place where it would be convenient for us to just go to hang out. It would take quite a bit of effort.
I'm sorry but you have to put effort in or it's not going to get any better. I don't know your situation but I fail to see how it can be too difficult to have somewhere, anywhere to hang out.
Original post by 870136
I've made no friends at university, it seems I'm always the one that has to introduce myself to other people. The people I live with are nice but we have nothing in common and our personalities don't match. I give up, I've tried to be nice, but now it's time to be the version of me that acts like he does not give a f. I'm not being nice to anyone anymore
I'd like to add, I've been in lectures for a whole week and made no friends at all there. Considering I must suck, I should probably start acting like what I think would be sucky too, this is my justification. If people think I suck I might as well think it too.
I'd like to add, I've been in lectures for a whole week and made no friends at all there. Considering I must suck, I should probably start acting like what I think would be sucky too, this is my justification. If people think I suck I might as well think it too.
Let me guess London?
Original post by partyartist
Let me guess London?
Nope
Original post by SophieSmall
I'm sorry but you have to put effort in or it's not going to get any better. I don't know your situation but I fail to see how it can be too difficult to have somewhere, anywhere to hang out.
Effort on their part
Original post by 870136
Effort on their part
Have you suggested hanging out or inviting them out after lectures for a quick bite to eat or pint? Or are you just assuming they won't?
Original post by SophieSmall
Have you suggested hanging out or inviting them out after lectures for a quick bite to eat or pint? Or are you just assuming they won't?
I'm assuming they won't and getting shot down in front of a whole group is not something I think I'll enjoy
Original post by 870136
I'm assuming they won't and getting shot down in front of a whole group is not something I think I'll enjoy
Well it's either try and possibly fail or don't try and definitely fail. Try to find out what they like doing and go from there so you can invite them to something you are pretty sire they will want to do.
Original post by SophieSmall
Well it's either try and possibly fail or don't try and definitely fail. Try to find out what they like doing and go from there so you can invite them to something you are pretty sire they will want to do.
For someone who has social anxiety it sounds like you're quite confident with people. How do you do this?
My main fear with this one is that I will see these people again fairly often. So getting completely rejected would make things very uncomfortable for me every time I saw them.
Original post by 870136
For someone who has social anxiety it sounds like you're quite confident with people. How do you do this?
My main fear with this one is that I will see these people again fairly often. So getting completely rejected would make things very uncomfortable for me every time I saw them.
My main fear with this one is that I will see these people again fairly often. So getting completely rejected would make things very uncomfortable for me every time I saw them.
I'm more confident with people the more I get to know them, at first I am a bit of mess but on the inside I'm panicking and feeling like I'm going to throw up and cry ect but the more I put myself in those hard positions the easier it gets. I find a thing that helps me is to start off by talking to people online as I find it much easier and less stressful, I've got a good friend on my course now who I met last year but was to nervous to speak to (I was much worse anxiety wise last year) but we spoke on facebook over summer and then when we met up on first day of lectures it wasn't weird or awkward because I felt safe with them, it of course helps if you have something in common with these people say a common interest you can talk about but messaging about lectures can be a good start.
I can completely understand the fear of rejections, it ****s me up as well. But if things don;t go well with these people move on to some other people and just try your best, with the exception of the guy I spoke to over summer I didn't make a single friend on my course last year (have this year though) I made a fantastic group of friends through people I met from the guy who lived next door to me in accommodation last year.
Original post by 870136
I'm assuming they won't and getting shot down in front of a whole group is not something I think I'll enjoy
Why don't you start out by asking just one or two people on their own when it's a bit quieter, then even if they don't want to do anything at least there won't be a large group of people. It's still early days and people often want to keep their options as open as possible when it comes to making friends, so someone's likely to want to hang out for a bit!
I also think it's a good idea to try and socialise as much as you can, even though you wouldn't necessarily call these people your friends. It's a good way to meet new people who you might just 'click' with.
Original post by 870136
For someone who has social anxiety it sounds like you're quite confident with people. How do you do this?
My main fear with this one is that I will see these people again fairly often. So getting completely rejected would make things very uncomfortable for me every time I saw them.
My main fear with this one is that I will see these people again fairly often. So getting completely rejected would make things very uncomfortable for me every time I saw them.
Although I strongly feel that you're not likely to be outright 'rejected', if this did happen it sounds as though these people are not the sort of people you'd want to be friends with, and chances are they would have forgotten all about it after a couple of days, so you shouldn't feel uncomfortable about it.
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