Can we be friends? Awkwardness? Falling in love again?
I will thank anyone in advance who reads all of this as it is going to be quite lengthy, but necessary to explain everything, so thank you.
I'm 26, and I have had various relationships of different lengths. Last year I met a girl from plenty of fish with dyslexia, dyspraxia, ADD and possibly aspergers. At first she did not seem entirely my type, but I found her interesting, intriguing and very cute. I decided to keep seeing her because I found her so interesting. Interesting int he way that, I could tell she was 'different'... she obviously had some difficulties. She seemed very scatty, unable to focus, slightly hyperactive and childish. None of those things were bad things in my mind, just interesting, and I have a very analytical mind. So for the next year I dated her.
The entire time I could tell she struggled with relationsihps and 'getting emotionally close'. This was an obvious inference. Whenever we'd establish good rapport, she'd seem to get very nervous after, and dissapear for a few days and then act completely fine again. She could not maintain a hug for more than a few seconds and did not like kissing at all due to a bad past experience.
One day after bowling I put my arm around her as we sat in a restaurant and she got very tense and in a strange humours tone said ''You know all my boyfriends in the past I have left because they got too close, I'm socially awkward you see, and Sophie told me to warn anyone I date''. This set alarm bells off in my head. To be honest, the entire relationships had set alarm bells off. Her persona came across as not 'normal'... very anxious when it came to relationships and awkward. But I was single so thought I might as well continue to see her and just do my best and see how things go. She once told me ''I tell my friends that Im unsure about you and I but of course it's a lie''... which again made more alarm bells ring.
She also struggled a lot with sex, and I believe it was due to the 'getting close' / 'letting seomeone into the emotional world' side of it. She was terrified of it, but would never admit it. We'd try and she'd not physically be able to relax her body enough to open her legs at some points. After an entire year, she manage to relax enough just once... and even when she did, she lay there quite emotionless, and seemed to dislike it.
A long story short, at Christmas time we became 'closer' than we ever had. She seemed to relax with me more than she ever had. I knew this would mean she'd pull away majorly afterwards and it's what she did. In fact we split up February 15th. I made sure it wasn't a bad breakup. I gave her a hug and told her she'll find someone right for her. THen left, but didn't let her see me cry.
A month later she randomly asked if I'd like to go dancing with her. I said sure but then heard nothing back from her. 7 months went by. Her bst friend contacted me asking how I was, and me and her best friend got talking again. She was dating a guy and soon found out that he had cheated on her, so I helped her through it as I had had my own fair share of issues like that in the past so had empathy. Then my ex found out me and her friend were talking and became very jealous. They were out together once apparently, and my ex told the friend I was talking to ''I give you persmission'' (even though there's no romantic involvement at all)... suggesting she was jealous. Then she sent me a text, completely out of the blue after 7 months of no contact saying ''Hi, did you know Tash is single? Have you ever thought you two might make a good pair? Just putting it out there *wanders away*''. I found this extremely childish and didn't bother replying. She then texted back a week later apologising, and asking how I actually was.
So after this is when me and my ex started talking again. I think we have only been talking because she is jealous that Im talking to her frined. But we both have explained we're just friends and its the truth but she can't seem to not be jealous. And I do not understand it. She was the one that dumped me, so why would it matter who I'm friends with? It's not as if anything mroe is even going on!
Anyway, about a month after we started talking again, she asked if I'd like to go to London with her to a games convention. I thought it might be nice to see her again so I went. We had a good time there. And in the evening we went to sit on the south bank together, and it was strangely romantic, though I did not have any romantic feelings... the scenery etc was beautiful... the thames lit up with all the colours etc. But i thought nothing of it.
About a week after we came back her best friend I had been talking to told me that whilst I was dating her the previous year, she had continuously told her friends she didnt know how she felt with me (yet to me she'd tell me she loved me - and even told me that she'd tell her friends that she didnt know how she felt, but it was a lie becuase she didnt want them to go on about it)!.. Not only that, I found uot that after one very awkward night I had with her, in which I had to instruct her how to be sexual and do various things... she told her friend ''He needs a bit of training''.
None of these things shocked me. She had told me in the past that she lies to her friends about her ex's, so it it wasnt an unreasonable leap of faith to assume that she'd be saying things about me whilst I was with her that were lies. But it's shook me up a lot. I don't know what to think or how to act with her and it has driven me completely nuts, I can't focus on anything.
We went to the cinema together a few weeks ago - again I felt it would be a relaxed mutual getting to be friends again type thing. The first thing she did when she saw me/came up to me was grab my arm and cuddle in close as we walked. This confused me a lot, and made me feel anxious as I had no clue what her intentions were.
Every time I tlak to her or think about her now, it brings this deep, confused heaviness to me. I feel hopeless. I put in so much effort into understanding her odd behaviours last year, trying to push on in the relationship etc. I have never had to put in so much effort. Apparently I lasted the longest with her and she's never had a relationship as long as it lasted with me, but I feel I have no heart anymore.
What I'd love more than anything is to meet a girl and learn to love again, to truely fall in love with someone, but IF eel it can't and won't happen. I'm 26, I have just gone back to uni to start a new course and just feel hopeless. So me and my ex are still friends and we both are trying our best. I joined plenty of fish, but I think my state of mind at the moment is not condusive to dating. Because I am quite emotional inside, stressed, anxious regarding my ex etc... it comes across when talking to people. I got close to having a date on plenty of fish and then they stopped talking - and I believe it's because the fact I had a mere date excited me, and I got emotional... told her how much I love reading her messages etc - and in reality it's too early to ascertain such things, so set alarm bells off in her mind. So my conclusion is that I'm just not in the right mindset.
So I don't know what to do. I dont feel I can fall in love anymore and it's a feeling I haven't felt before. I'd love to, more than anything else in life, but I feel it's not possible. Is it wise being friends with my ex? If we could give it another shot I probably would even though it would not be wise as ti would be a repeat of the previous year.
I really like the fact we are friends now, though Im wondering if I should cut that off, for my own sake? Maybe I should confront her about it all? She really has been getting upset about the fact im friends with her friend, and I do not understand why. We're just friends, she knows that, and she was the one that dumped me.
I'm at university, surrounded by hundreds of women, and none have shown interest. And I am again sure, that it is because Im not in ther ight mindset and it comes across subtely. Should I keep pursuing the plenty of fish thing, maybe I should go to some singles nights around the city? I feel if I just give up (which a lot of me wants to do).. that I'll never find someone, and theres more chance if I at least try... yet I am feeling extremely hopeless and despondant about it all.
I really hope someone can help me out with this.
I will appreciate all help and suggetions.
I'm 26, and I have had various relationships of different lengths. Last year I met a girl from plenty of fish with dyslexia, dyspraxia, ADD and possibly aspergers. At first she did not seem entirely my type, but I found her interesting, intriguing and very cute. I decided to keep seeing her because I found her so interesting. Interesting int he way that, I could tell she was 'different'... she obviously had some difficulties. She seemed very scatty, unable to focus, slightly hyperactive and childish. None of those things were bad things in my mind, just interesting, and I have a very analytical mind. So for the next year I dated her.
The entire time I could tell she struggled with relationsihps and 'getting emotionally close'. This was an obvious inference. Whenever we'd establish good rapport, she'd seem to get very nervous after, and dissapear for a few days and then act completely fine again. She could not maintain a hug for more than a few seconds and did not like kissing at all due to a bad past experience.
One day after bowling I put my arm around her as we sat in a restaurant and she got very tense and in a strange humours tone said ''You know all my boyfriends in the past I have left because they got too close, I'm socially awkward you see, and Sophie told me to warn anyone I date''. This set alarm bells off in my head. To be honest, the entire relationships had set alarm bells off. Her persona came across as not 'normal'... very anxious when it came to relationships and awkward. But I was single so thought I might as well continue to see her and just do my best and see how things go. She once told me ''I tell my friends that Im unsure about you and I but of course it's a lie''... which again made more alarm bells ring.
She also struggled a lot with sex, and I believe it was due to the 'getting close' / 'letting seomeone into the emotional world' side of it. She was terrified of it, but would never admit it. We'd try and she'd not physically be able to relax her body enough to open her legs at some points. After an entire year, she manage to relax enough just once... and even when she did, she lay there quite emotionless, and seemed to dislike it.
A long story short, at Christmas time we became 'closer' than we ever had. She seemed to relax with me more than she ever had. I knew this would mean she'd pull away majorly afterwards and it's what she did. In fact we split up February 15th. I made sure it wasn't a bad breakup. I gave her a hug and told her she'll find someone right for her. THen left, but didn't let her see me cry.
A month later she randomly asked if I'd like to go dancing with her. I said sure but then heard nothing back from her. 7 months went by. Her bst friend contacted me asking how I was, and me and her best friend got talking again. She was dating a guy and soon found out that he had cheated on her, so I helped her through it as I had had my own fair share of issues like that in the past so had empathy. Then my ex found out me and her friend were talking and became very jealous. They were out together once apparently, and my ex told the friend I was talking to ''I give you persmission'' (even though there's no romantic involvement at all)... suggesting she was jealous. Then she sent me a text, completely out of the blue after 7 months of no contact saying ''Hi, did you know Tash is single? Have you ever thought you two might make a good pair? Just putting it out there *wanders away*''. I found this extremely childish and didn't bother replying. She then texted back a week later apologising, and asking how I actually was.
So after this is when me and my ex started talking again. I think we have only been talking because she is jealous that Im talking to her frined. But we both have explained we're just friends and its the truth but she can't seem to not be jealous. And I do not understand it. She was the one that dumped me, so why would it matter who I'm friends with? It's not as if anything mroe is even going on!
Anyway, about a month after we started talking again, she asked if I'd like to go to London with her to a games convention. I thought it might be nice to see her again so I went. We had a good time there. And in the evening we went to sit on the south bank together, and it was strangely romantic, though I did not have any romantic feelings... the scenery etc was beautiful... the thames lit up with all the colours etc. But i thought nothing of it.
About a week after we came back her best friend I had been talking to told me that whilst I was dating her the previous year, she had continuously told her friends she didnt know how she felt with me (yet to me she'd tell me she loved me - and even told me that she'd tell her friends that she didnt know how she felt, but it was a lie becuase she didnt want them to go on about it)!.. Not only that, I found uot that after one very awkward night I had with her, in which I had to instruct her how to be sexual and do various things... she told her friend ''He needs a bit of training''.
None of these things shocked me. She had told me in the past that she lies to her friends about her ex's, so it it wasnt an unreasonable leap of faith to assume that she'd be saying things about me whilst I was with her that were lies. But it's shook me up a lot. I don't know what to think or how to act with her and it has driven me completely nuts, I can't focus on anything.
We went to the cinema together a few weeks ago - again I felt it would be a relaxed mutual getting to be friends again type thing. The first thing she did when she saw me/came up to me was grab my arm and cuddle in close as we walked. This confused me a lot, and made me feel anxious as I had no clue what her intentions were.
Every time I tlak to her or think about her now, it brings this deep, confused heaviness to me. I feel hopeless. I put in so much effort into understanding her odd behaviours last year, trying to push on in the relationship etc. I have never had to put in so much effort. Apparently I lasted the longest with her and she's never had a relationship as long as it lasted with me, but I feel I have no heart anymore.
What I'd love more than anything is to meet a girl and learn to love again, to truely fall in love with someone, but IF eel it can't and won't happen. I'm 26, I have just gone back to uni to start a new course and just feel hopeless. So me and my ex are still friends and we both are trying our best. I joined plenty of fish, but I think my state of mind at the moment is not condusive to dating. Because I am quite emotional inside, stressed, anxious regarding my ex etc... it comes across when talking to people. I got close to having a date on plenty of fish and then they stopped talking - and I believe it's because the fact I had a mere date excited me, and I got emotional... told her how much I love reading her messages etc - and in reality it's too early to ascertain such things, so set alarm bells off in her mind. So my conclusion is that I'm just not in the right mindset.
So I don't know what to do. I dont feel I can fall in love anymore and it's a feeling I haven't felt before. I'd love to, more than anything else in life, but I feel it's not possible. Is it wise being friends with my ex? If we could give it another shot I probably would even though it would not be wise as ti would be a repeat of the previous year.
I really like the fact we are friends now, though Im wondering if I should cut that off, for my own sake? Maybe I should confront her about it all? She really has been getting upset about the fact im friends with her friend, and I do not understand why. We're just friends, she knows that, and she was the one that dumped me.
I'm at university, surrounded by hundreds of women, and none have shown interest. And I am again sure, that it is because Im not in ther ight mindset and it comes across subtely. Should I keep pursuing the plenty of fish thing, maybe I should go to some singles nights around the city? I feel if I just give up (which a lot of me wants to do).. that I'll never find someone, and theres more chance if I at least try... yet I am feeling extremely hopeless and despondant about it all.
I really hope someone can help me out with this.
I will appreciate all help and suggetions.
Do we actually have to read all that?!
Jesus get some self respect and blank her. She sounds poisonous.
Original post by stargirl63
Do we actually have to read all that?!
Original post by C_tinie_D
TL;DR
What a joke...
What a joke...
No you dont have to.
Original post by stargirl63
Do we actually have to read all that?!
Yes, read it now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by stargirl63
Do we actually have to read all that?!
And that is why I said thank you in advanced to anyone that does.
Original post by ToastyCoke
Jesus get some self respect and blank her. She sounds poisonous.
The reason I haven't blanked her is because I do like being friends, or at least hopefully we can work torwards it.. but as I said I'm not sure whether even that is a good idea. So you think I should just get rid of her and not talk to her again? I did question whether or not the reason I want to be 'friends' is because I dont have enough self respect. Thank you for your reply and obviously reading it all.
Quick Reply
Related discussions
- [M20] I only fall in love with people who are close friends first. What should I do?
- Relationship Problems… Help
- Advice about getting over a crush?
- How do i get over my crush
- Never been in love
- can a popular and unpopular kid end up friends after graduating from college?
- Black Boys wanting White girls
- Lesbians - is a Bi girl a turn off for you?
- I can't get over him
- struggling in sixth form
- So depressed over my crush
- What do I do from here?
- A love letter which I did not have the courage to give to a foreign exchange student
- Making friends
- Will my friend forget me?
- any chance i can get her back?
- How do i stop being obsessed with this girl
- Should I try long distance at 17?
- Why can’t I move on from my crush?
- Am I a rebound?
Latest
Trending
Last reply 5 days ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 5 days ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 2 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset aboutTrending
Last reply 5 days ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 5 days ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 2 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset about
