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English Spoken Language help!

Maya2000

I'm practising my paragraphs for my controlled assesment next week, and I am wondering if anyone could give me some points to improve on & a grade?
(This is just one paragraph! I would go on to link this paragraph to the way Jamie is descriptive in another paragraph)

Nigella Lawson uses descriptive language in her speech to create an intresting, unique atmopsphere that really hooks most audiences in, and shows how she holds unimaginable passion for her work. A phrase that really demonstrates this is "Cooled and Annointed with their chocolate glazed frosting", from the clip "Nigella Lawson's devils food cake". The word "Annointed" really stands out to me as it is a word not typically used in the dialect of a chef, infact a word that is a religious practise. This could mean that by using this word, Nigella is comparing icing her cake to a devout ceromony. I think that this really shows the passion she holds for her cooking, and how highly she believes that what she cooks is fantastic.
As well as this, I think that by using the term in such a casual context demonstrats Nigella's extreamly complex vocabulary. The word seems as though it comes spontaniously, which illustrates that she may use it, and other words like it, regulally.Also, she includes the word in an ordinary phrase- "Cooled and annointed with their chocolated glazed frosting" that could be seen in any cooking show, yet by adding the word "Anointed" , it makes the imperitive sound really distinct to Nigella's cooking style, as it definately wouldn't be heard in another TV chef's dialect, such as Gordon Ramsay's.
Another quote that demonstrates Nigella's diversely unique vocabulary is "As you can see, it's a Golden, Foamy Cloud". She uses this metaphor in the clip "Nigella Lawson's Hocky Pocky". The metaphors in Nigella's language are quintessntially bound to her own vocabulary, and recogniseable for that reason. By comparing her Hocky Pocky to a Foamy Cloud, she is really emphasising that she has high regards for her food, and believes that it's appearence is something that is exceptional, like a cloud.
In my opinion, most audiences will appriciate the change in dynamics for a cooking programme- especially those who watch leisurely rather than to learn, as it is different to a cooking show held by, for example, Jamie Oliver or Gordon Ramsay. However, typically people who watch this genre of television for entertainment watch Gordon Ramsay, some prefer the relaxed atmopshere that Nigella gives. However, people who watch the programme primerily for educational purpouses may dislike the way that Nigella digresses into description so commonly. From my research, I have found women around the age of 30 appricate the description more than any other audience, because they understand it more than other audiences, and are able to relate to Nigella.