Any other 23-year old female virgins out there?

You need to put yourself out there and meet people with similar interests like yourself. Is there someone at uni/work that you get along with, try hanging out with them. Unfortunately in this day and age there are a lot of people our age going through the same problems as yourself, you shouldn't feel alone because of your mental health, the worst thing you can do is isolate yourself. What kind of things are you interested in?

Well, first of all I felt like I didn't have any friends I could confide about the way I was feeling and I felt like if I did people would think I was weird and just really lonely. So I started writing a diary, mainly because I wanted to know why I was so depressed and angry... surely it had started somewhere, right?
I went through periods at just being angry at everyone and everything. I had no hope that my life would ever get better and I guess I was bitter for everyone my age or younger that had managed to have a 'successful' teenage years with all their friends and relationships being so great.

Writing a diary helped me understand why I was so depressed and angry, it was because I was lonely but not because I didn't have anyone but because, due to my upbringing, I learnt to push people away. I learnt to give people a reason to leave since they were going to anyway. I even learnt that the way I felt was actually a cycle - sometimes I would be happy and content (this would very rarely happen), then I would get depressed about not having anyone, then I would be bitter. My mood changed all the time and I thought I was bipolar.

Then I realised my life was never going to get any better because, since I had never had anyone, if I did manage to get someone interested in me I would probably get clingy on them and that pushes people away too. *Cue suicidal state*

I stopped coming on TSR so often and I cut contact with anyone who was in a relationship because I didn't want to be reminded that I had no-one and that I would probably never get anyone. I spent all my time going to the gym, revising, updating my diary or working. I didn't want to feel like I was part of this world.

Then I got to uni and I thought it was a chance for me to start over my life. I wanted to feel like I could be the popular girl and I was just taking every opportunity to meet people and have a good time. I then got a boyfriend and it wasn't the best experience of my life. He was constantly pushing me to lose my virginity and because he was so nice to me, I felt inadequate. I felt like there was something wrong with me for not wanting to lose it to him. He eventually broke it off because he was tired of waiting.

I was fine after that but a year later, I got the same depressive symptoms again. I had no motivation to do anything and I was just upset all the time. One guy took advantage of that and asked me out on a date. And then it was like the sun had just come out for me. I was happy again. Then I realised all he wanted was sex.

That's when it got me. I realised this is all guys this age want. They're just thinking with their dicks, they can get into relationships but have no intention of being in it for the future. I don't want to be just another piece of meat so I refuse to have sex with some guy who doesn't have that long-term mentality like I do. And I also realised that people are not reliable and I am done waiting for someone to make me feel happy. I want to be responsible for my own happiness. I want to be in control of my feelings all the time. And I have been happy ever since.

If I want something, I buy it. I don't wait for Christmas, I don't wait my birthday, I just make it happen. If I want to eat something, I'll cook/bake it or buy it from somewhere I know they do it right. That's how I live my life now - if I want something, I make sure I get it. I must say this has made me a bit of a loner because I know I am the source of my happiness, I don't want anyone else around. I don't care for people or friends. If I have them, good. If I don't have them, I'm good too. And my friends love hanging out with me because I'm always the life of the party.

And you're welcome to PM me anytime if you want to talk



Read the 7th paragraph lol

On another note, guys I think start to think of more long term relationships after uni or towards the end, also the lad culture has kind of put in their heads uni is all about sleeping with as many people as possible, I'm sure you'll find more reasonable/understanding guys as item goes on.

so in summary you had an epiphany where you realised you alone could be responsible for your own happiness and youve been okay ever since?
i dont know. not saying i dont believe you but it seems to be one of those things that happens so rarely. like having a near death experience.
i commend you though for not having to rely on other people and not needing friends. its the only way to live imo.

Sherlockfan - this link may be helpful for you. http://www.sthelensgateway.info/mental-health/general/are-there-any-opportunities-for-people-with-mental-health-problems-to-socialise-or-meet-others

Yeah kinda. I think that if you are able to find out what triggered your depression, you can walk backwards and find out what would make you happy or at least how can you stop it interfering with your life.

Or the very least, you can 'see' the smallest things that you are blessed to have - things that you would miss like even a cup of tea at night watching your favourite show, how many people have that privilege? My journey made me realise that being happy or being depressed is my choice. I can find beauty in living or I can drawn myself in sadness of everything that isn't going my way. I'm not saying you're causing this to yourself, I'm trying to explain that if you give a go at finding out why you're depressed, you might realise you have so much to be thankful for.

At the end of the day, you must want to not be depressed anymore to put an end to it. And I know at times I just wanted to wallow in my pity, I didn't want to feel happy even when I felt like I could stop it. Not only because I felt comfortable like that but because I was scared that if I changed my attitude and nothing changed in my life (ie boys still weren't interested), I would feel even more rejected by the world. And I couldn't bare feeling worse than I already did.

Do you think that maybe you're a bit like that? A few people have shared self-help links and suggestions on this thread but you always reject it and say that nothing will change. This is learned helplessness.

Obviously, I don't know what you're going through and I'm only sharing my story, hoping that you can maybe find a solution for yourself but... you have to want it. Again, I'm not trying to attack you. I just hope you can see that it's not worth to be sad or depressed over something you can't control. Relationships, romantic or not, are unpredictable. You can be the most amazing person in the world and always run into **** relationships or no relationships at all.

well i'm in psychotherapy now and i suppose the reason for that is to try to work backwards and see how it all started. but tbh the sessions are a bit spontaneous and can go another way. for instance today i spent an entire hour hearing about how i should do my own laundry to be more independent.
but ive had therapy before and there is not a single thing i can find that triggered all of this. ive just had bad luck. life hasn't been kind.

I refuse to believe girls are virgins because no one will sleep with them.. men will have sex with any female.

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Yeah I had therapy once. Never went back again, what a waste of time. I personally think they want to keep you there longer for their own reasons, if you know what I mean.

Give the diary a go?

With me it was the opposite, they only gave me 10 sessions of CBT which wasn't enough so now my sessions of psychotherapy are indefinite. I dont think they do this with a lot of people as its the NHS and they dont have unlimited resources.
Im doing creative writing, im hoping it might help me to express some of my feelings on paper.

30 yr old virgin. I'm a senior doctor and research fellow. Don't believe in sex before marriage, but sad to find noone really believes the same.

To the beta females on here desperate for a **** : there are plenty of beta males on here. Stop crying online and lower your ****ing standards.

You used be decent, I guess you gave up pretending to be nice.