Family issues

My boyfriend's sister works at a holiday camp, apparantely she has caused distress and upset for the family over the year by forgetting or not bothering with birthdays but spends her money on getting wrecked and arguing for the fun of it. She is dating a guy different to her race (South African) and she wants him to stay at their house for a few months which the parents have agreed even though they have not met him before.

My boyfriend isn't keen on people who aren't his race (don't attack me) and is angry for how his sister has behaved towards the family but they have welcomed her back.

I am concerned about him as he wants to move out and he is very upset and feels neglected and unrespected by his parents. I just don't know what to do as he said its serious and I am worried he will ruin his relationship with his family and end up being heavily in debt for moving, he says he has to move as he can't live under the same roof as his sister and her boyfriend.

Reply 1

Guffy

Your boyfriend is a racist moron.

Reply 2

*knowitall*

Oh dear

Your boyfriends parents are sensible and know that if they welcome their daughter back they will be able to influence her to act more sensibly.

Your boyfirend seems to think that his parents should put his hurt feelings (like...I've been good so you should love me more than my naughty sister..it's not fair..moan..whine..me me me) above their relationship with their daughter.

He sounds very young in his outlokk on life. He's basically having a childish tantrum.

Tell him to move out and grow up!

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Guffy you didn't really help the situation which I think was already established and it doesn't mean to say I agree with his behaviour.

Thanks for the advice *knowitall*, I think he feels undervalued as he has done a lot for them but younger ones always seem to be the favourite and I think it may be jealousy - they do love him. I don't think he realises she will be driven away again if there is a family dispute.

I can't really change the way he thinks even if others may disagree. moving out may do him the world of good, mature and think about things. I think he was bullied at school by non-whites which I know isn't an excuse.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Also don't want him to regret falling out with his parents due to past family arguments caused by his sister.

Reply 5

*knowitall*

Poor you - you are a good friend to care so much.

Being a first child (if he is the eldest?) is hard as even if you like your brothers or sisters there is always a bit of feeling that your little brothers & sisters have it easy compared to you, that you always try hard to be good and end up being taken for granted.

However I think he has to leave his parents to sort out their relationship with their daughter. And try not to think if they love her it means they love him any less.

You mentioned respect - he should respect his parents decision. If he needs to leave and sort his thoughts out then he prob should - to give him a chance to grow up!

But leaving doenst have to be "storming out" type leaving. If hes old enough he can leave home and still have a good relationship with his parents - that's what young people do as they grow up.

Reply 6

WokSz

Firstly, the house is his parents' not his, therefore they can do whatever they likes. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but it's the truth. If he really doesn't like how his parents act, then best thing is to move out. Parents and children always have arguments, but people should be grown up enough to sort them out.