Falling For A Friend

I've never 'loved' anyone but I think I genuinely love one of my friends at the moment (not in the platonic sense). Its terribly awkward because she's my best friend at uni and I've known her since the first week. We live together. I feel guilty because we're friends but I seriously can't stop thinking about her. It's the first time I've ever felt like this and can't see myself getting over it any time soon - it's been an ongoing thing for like a year and a half now. It's incredibly annoying because I am 100% she doesn't feel the same but I find it so hard to look at other girls because I'm so into her! It's a vicious circle and I really don't know how to break it. I told her how I felt last week and despite her being cool with it and us being normal, there's something not quite right there now. I get the feeling she doesn't like being in the same room alone with me anymore and I find it so so sad and depressing. Living together makes it even harder and as a jealous person I'm so scared that I'm going to cramp her and destroy the friendship. I'm really scared of losing her.

I just read that back and it sounds like the softest, soppiest load of rubbish I've ever heard but I can't speak to anyone at uni because it would be too weird and I just need to tell someone. If you can ignore the pansy-ish nature of this post any advice would be appreciated!

Reply 1

Toy Soldier

3

Ahh ye olde unrequited love. I know exactly what my advice is from experience, but it's probably not the advice you want to hear...

The healthiest thing for you is to create some distance between you and the girl. It's hard to do, your friendship will never be as close again, and it may even end. But trust me - in the long run you'll be happier for it. You'll look back and feel a bit sad that things didn't go differently, but it's only a small regret. You need to move on or it'll drive you insane, and you'll never be able to move on whilst you're in such close proximity to her.

Reply 2

--

3

So can he not just 'ride out' the attraction? :p:

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

I know what you're saying mate, it's just so bloody hard to do. I'm a sentimental idiot and I can't imagine the friendship ending - I think that would actually kill me. She's gone away for a couple of days with a mate so hopefully that will help. I'll spare you my life story but this mate is also involved now, who doesnt know ive told the girl, and she's saying things have been getting a bit weird and claustrophobic. I'm definitely not living with her next year (that's mutual now I think) and I'll just have to put some distance between us, like you said. The thing that scares me is losing my best friend who I spend nearly all of my time with and with whom I share so many memories.

I appreciate the straightforward clarity of your advice.

Reply 4

Cushti

10

I had one of my best boy friends start 'liking' me once, and when I first found out I was really uncomfortable with it (though tbh I had already guessed). I put him straight right from the start and told him nothing was going to happen, and kept my distance from him for a while so he could get over it. Then after a few weeks I really missed having him as a friend, so started being normal again and everything turned out great! A year on he now has a girlfriend, but he's still one of my very best friends. Hopefully your situation will turn out similarly, maybe she just wants to keep her distance for two or three weeks like I did, to let things cool off. Good luck!

Reply 5

Gio

3

Holly-AT

I had one of my best boy friends start 'liking' me once, and when I first found out I was really uncomfortable with it (though tbh I had already guessed). I put him straight right from the start and told him nothing was going to happen, and kept my distance from him for a while so he could get over it. Then after a few weeks I really missed having him as a friend, so started being normal again and everything turned out great! A year on he now has a girlfriend, but he's still one of my very best friends. Hopefully your situation will turn out similarly, maybe she just wants to keep her distance for two or three weeks like I did, to let things cool off. Good luck!

hi im also in the same situation except the girl that i like or liked is going out with my housemate - and she felt that I have/had feelings for her. Now Im just trying to distant myself in order to get over the feeling. but the hardest part is that everynow and then she comes over to see my housemate and she is also in my course. I really really hope that we will become good friends as before again, hopefully the best that I can get is what you described above - i do really miss the memories and it's killing me :s-smilie:

Reply 6

username47781

20

How do you know she doesn't feel the same way as you do?

Falling For A Friend

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