Year 12s: what will be the first way you research your future options? >>

My dad doesn't want me to go to university out of town

niffler1997

I live in a town with a large university that is pretty good in terms of ratings overall, however it isn't for the the geography course I want to do. I am looking to apply for 2016, I have looked into others and have found one out of town that I really love. But my dad keeps saying the course I like is no better, that I won't get the grades, too many people apply for the uni I like, it'll be cheaper to stay at home, you'll be in an environment you know, the local university has this but the one you like doesn't...etc. I tell him I prefer it, I am capable of getting the grades if I work hard and the number of people that apply will be the same everywhere. My mum supports me going to the one I prefer, she wants me to get independence- she says I need to leave home at some point. My older sister also wants me to go, she actually went to the local uni, she missed out on a lot as she said she felt the pressure that she still had to let our parents know everything she was doing and she also doesn't feel independent.
Anyone else going through the same thing?

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 1

username1799249

There is a wonderful book called "Our Iceberg is Melting" by John Kotter. It is about how to manage change but is written as a fable about a bunch of penguins who live on an iceberg that is melting. It sounds like your dad is like the NoNo of the book. So rather than butting heads with him get smart. Apply for the university of your choice and get in. Then get the grades you need to be accepted. Once you are in that position, his arguments about you not getting the grades or getting a place are irrelevant and just plain wrong and your position is much stronger. Don't push him and don't make a song and dance about it. Just quietly apply, knuckle down and come back to the discussion once you have a few things put in place. He'll come round. My kids are 2 and 5 and already I am dreading the day they have to leave.

Good luck!!

PS - I recommend you read the book. Don't buy it. Borrow it from your local library. You can read it in a couple of hours. Future employers will be impressed if you mention it. It is a kind of industry classic across the board and provides some good life lessons. :smile:

Reply 2

em211997

I think you should visit the Uni and take him along he may change his mind about it.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 3

80sUnderground

Proly tryiny to (quite rightly) keep you at home and away from the booze and the cocks.

Reply 4

Reue

Just go, its not his decision.

Reply 5

limetang

You have to start ignoring your parents at some point and be allowed to take responsibility for your life. He's almost certainly worried about the idea of you leaving home and wants to keep you at home for as long as possible, but you also have to be allowed to make your own choices, and among that your own mistakes, it's part of becoming an adult.

Reply 6

Maker

Does he expect you to stay in your home town forever?

Reply 7

The_Lonely_Goatherd

My older sister had this problem with my dad, who's your stereotypical overbearing Asian father who didn't want his children to leave home for uni. He tried to force her to do medicine (she wanted to leave home and do biological sciences) and there were HUGE rows over it. They didn't speak for six weeks and the school got involved, etc.

Ultimately they came to a compromise - if my sister received offers, she would firm Oxford Biology and then insure medicine somewhere in London. If she got the grades she could go to Oxford and leave home; if not, she had to live at home and do medicine.

She got the grades and went to Oxford, which enabled both me and my younger sister to leave home for uni too :biggrin:

When my sister got into Oxford, people kept going "wow, you got your daughter into Oxford!" to my dad and he started to realise that maybe leaving London wasn't such a terrible thing after all.

Is there any way you could compromise with your dad at all? If you've got your mum and sister on side, it could be more straightforward than you think.

Good luck and ultimately do whatever's best for you :yep: