Father has forbidden me from going anywhere on holiday without my parents

I'm a girl and my father (Asian muslim if that helps) and I just had an argument where he has completely forbidden me from going on holiday with anyone who isn't my family. I'm so pissed off.

I asked him if I could go to Paris (not a party destination like Ibiza) for a few days with my female friends who are all non-drinkers and very decent girls but he just completely blew up swearing and shouting and refused to engage in conversation about why I couldn't go. I'm nearly 21 ffs. These restrictions and the resulting blow ups are a common occurrence I should add.

What should I do?

Reply 1

RiverOfTears

1

Go on holiday when you're married with your husband.

:toofunny:

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 2

Good bloke

19

Ask him why he came to live in Britain if he prefers his backward native culture.

Reply 3

HAnwar

17

Don't you need a mahram to travel with?

Reply 4

Plantagenet Crown

20

Unfortunately there may be nothing you can do until you're financially independent, then you'll be able to go on holiday with whoever you want.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Good bloke

Ask him why he came to live in Britain if he prefers his backward native culture.

I wonder that myself. I've had so many of these conversations with him and I don't want to be rude (and also the fact that he'd fly into a rage if I dared to question him) and honestly its like taking to a brick wall. I've tried to engage with him politely but it makes not a jot of difference it seems. You can't argue/win with the irrational.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Plantagenet Crown

Unfortunately there may be nothing you can do until you're financially independent, then you'll be able to go on holiday with whoever you want.

I am kinda, I get student loans which support me some

Reply 7

childofthesun

19

You're 20. Make your own decisions!

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by HAnwar

Don't you need a mahram to travel with?

No I don't.

Reply 9

Plantagenet Crown

20

Original post by Anonymous

I am kinda, I get student loans which support me some

They're loans though, you wouldn't have enough money to permanently move out and support yourself would you?

If you do then do it.

Reply 10

Good bloke

19

Original post by Anonymous

I wonder that myself. I've had so many of these conversations with him and I don't want to be rude (and also the fact that he'd fly into a rage if I dared to question him) and honestly its like taking to a brick wall. I've tried to engage with him politely but it makes not a jot of difference it seems. You can't argue/win with the irrational.

I'm afraid you must either be very brave and tell him where to stick his domineering patriarchal rules, or be patient and await financial independence.

Reply 11

TheonlyMrsHolmes

19

Original post by RiverOfTears

Go on holiday when you're married with your husband.

:toofunny:

Posted from TSR Mobile

My mum has actually said those exact word to me before...yeah that's not going to happen :colonhash:

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Plantagenet Crown

They're loans though, you wouldn't have enough money to permanently move out and support yourself would you?

If you do then do it.

Probably not. But then how would he know if I did go on holiday, it's only going to be for a few days...

Reply 13

HAnwar

17

Original post by Anonymous

No I don't.

Unless you're going for less than 3 days, you do.

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 14

Plantagenet Crown

20

Original post by Anonymous

Probably not. But then how would he know if I did go on holiday, it's only going to be for a few days...

Oh. So if you're confident he won't find out then do it. Couldn't you lie and say you're going on a Uni field trip or something?

Reply 15

TimmonaPortella

21

As above. If you can deal with the consequences of his disapproval if you ignore him and go anyway, go; if you can't, wait, and go later.

My first priority in your situation would be to try to achieve total independence. What I wouldn't do is give endless ground to him on the basis that you want to maintain your relationship with him or other family members. There comes a point at which you have to say he is the obstacle to that, rather than you.

You're only 21, so you've got a lot of time, but imho you should insist on enjoying your youth as far as you possibly can.

Reply 16

MrKmas508

12

Original post by Anonymous

I wonder that myself. I've had so many of these conversations with him and I don't want to be rude (and also the fact that he'd fly into a rage if I dared to question him) and honestly its like taking to a brick wall. I've tried to engage with him politely but it makes not a jot of difference it seems. You can't argue/win with the irrational.

At least you regonise that he's irrational.

Reply 17

candycaneland500

8

my dad is the same although i am 16 i still go out with my friends even if he says no. this is Britain ffs i dont see the problrm just dont listen to him you are not a baby no more

Original post by Good bloke

Ask him why he came to live in Britain if he prefers his backward native culture.

Reply 18

Good bloke

19

Original post by HAnwar

Unless you're going for less than 3 days, you do.

Do you not think she can make her own decision about that, without necessarily being tied to the same superstitious and cultural beliefs you hold dear?