Noisy boy flatmates - am i in the wrong, and oversensitive?
So I oved to uni 3 weeks ago and am in a flat with 3 boys and an international post grad girl, so its mostly me and the boys as the girls english isn't great and she isn't here much, she goes and studies with her friends from her course.
I didn't spend much time with the boys during freshers, but hung out with other girl friends i made in my halls, but got along with them all fine when we did hang out.
However, a few days ago, well after frhsers has finished, one of the boys came back drunk from the pub, woke everyone up, and starting balancing the sofas in the kitchen on the worktops and whacking the walls with a hockey stick causing actual damage to the flat.
No one seemed to mind, taking it all in their stride because its uni and boys will be boys, but I went to reception and complained because if we damage the flat we all have to pay for it and i didn't want to pay for damage i didn't cause.
I also want to say that i ended up leaving at around 3am and sleep in my friends room round the corner, and although the boys told me not to tell reception that, I did, as I didn't really see what difference it made?
I now get the feeling the boys think I'm a prude and can't have a laugh and am oversensitive and one of them has even made it very clear he now dislikes me.
So was I in the wrong to complain? Am I being oversensitive?
Thanks!
I didn't spend much time with the boys during freshers, but hung out with other girl friends i made in my halls, but got along with them all fine when we did hang out.
However, a few days ago, well after frhsers has finished, one of the boys came back drunk from the pub, woke everyone up, and starting balancing the sofas in the kitchen on the worktops and whacking the walls with a hockey stick causing actual damage to the flat.
No one seemed to mind, taking it all in their stride because its uni and boys will be boys, but I went to reception and complained because if we damage the flat we all have to pay for it and i didn't want to pay for damage i didn't cause.
I also want to say that i ended up leaving at around 3am and sleep in my friends room round the corner, and although the boys told me not to tell reception that, I did, as I didn't really see what difference it made?
I now get the feeling the boys think I'm a prude and can't have a laugh and am oversensitive and one of them has even made it very clear he now dislikes me.
So was I in the wrong to complain? Am I being oversensitive?
Thanks!
Scroll to see replies
Original post by unifodays
So I oved to uni 3 weeks ago and am in a flat with 3 boys and an international post grad girl, so its mostly me and the boys as the girls english isn't great and she isn't here much, she goes and studies with her friends from her course.
I didn't spend much time with the boys during freshers, but hung out with other girl friends i made in my halls, but got along with them all fine when we did hang out.
However, a few days ago, well after frhsers has finished, one of the boys came back drunk from the pub, woke everyone up, and starting balancing the sofas in the kitchen on the worktops and whacking the walls with a hockey stick causing actual damage to the flat.
No one seemed to mind, taking it all in their stride because its uni and boys will be boys, but I went to reception and complained because if we damage the flat we all have to pay for it and i didn't want to pay for damage i didn't cause.
I also want to say that i ended up leaving at around 3am and sleep in my friends room round the corner, and although the boys told me not to tell reception that, I did, as I didn't really see what difference it made?
I now get the feeling the boys think I'm a prude and can't have a laugh and am oversensitive and one of them has even made it very clear he now dislikes me.
So was I in the wrong to complain? Am I being oversensitive?
Thanks!
I didn't spend much time with the boys during freshers, but hung out with other girl friends i made in my halls, but got along with them all fine when we did hang out.
However, a few days ago, well after frhsers has finished, one of the boys came back drunk from the pub, woke everyone up, and starting balancing the sofas in the kitchen on the worktops and whacking the walls with a hockey stick causing actual damage to the flat.
No one seemed to mind, taking it all in their stride because its uni and boys will be boys, but I went to reception and complained because if we damage the flat we all have to pay for it and i didn't want to pay for damage i didn't cause.
I also want to say that i ended up leaving at around 3am and sleep in my friends room round the corner, and although the boys told me not to tell reception that, I did, as I didn't really see what difference it made?
I now get the feeling the boys think I'm a prude and can't have a laugh and am oversensitive and one of them has even made it very clear he now dislikes me.
So was I in the wrong to complain? Am I being oversensitive?
Thanks!
As they were causing actual damage to the flat and are making you uncomfortable in your own home i think you were right to complain
I think you do have the right to complain since you are paying to live in that flat and therefore you all have to co-operate with each other. If you are paying for an area to live in and can't even sleep there due to the noise, that's hardly fair.
I've only skim-read your post but I can relate to this and I feel for you. Who you live with in halls is a complete lottery, and similarly to school you still get tossers at university, unfortunately. If you're stuck with people like this and you're an introvert then you're basically screwed 
It can impact your performance too, so it's pretty serious. Unfortunately there isn't much acknowledgement about this sort of thing either - universities seem to assume that most people can get along and that nobody has social anxiety, which I find very weird: if you do badly, it's because you're rubbish rather than because you were having a difficult time and could not cope. It's stupid.
I'm sorry but 'boys will be boys' is not an excuse for that sort of behaviour. I'm a 'boy' and I wouldn't dream of doing such a thing, even if I was pissed. It's their fault that they are absolute tossers; you can choose not to be a tosser.
Can you move to a different place? I did this in my first year (because I was bullied by someone) and I never had to see my flatmates again
It's not as much hassle as you think.
It can impact your performance too, so it's pretty serious. Unfortunately there isn't much acknowledgement about this sort of thing either - universities seem to assume that most people can get along and that nobody has social anxiety, which I find very weird: if you do badly, it's because you're rubbish rather than because you were having a difficult time and could not cope. It's stupid.I'm sorry but 'boys will be boys' is not an excuse for that sort of behaviour. I'm a 'boy' and I wouldn't dream of doing such a thing, even if I was pissed. It's their fault that they are absolute tossers; you can choose not to be a tosser.
Can you move to a different place? I did this in my first year (because I was bullied by someone) and I never had to see my flatmates again
It's not as much hassle as you think.(edited 8 years ago)
Original post by banterboy
Mate why are you being bare boring. WHat the lad did was banter and you've done the worst thing possible; grassed.
Not everyone gets banter; I don't. Not everyone is used to it and it can easily be misinterpreted as emotional bullying.
Original post by MaskOfKeaton
Not everyone gets banter; I don't. Not everyone is used to it and it can easily be misinterpreted as emotional bullying.
When did "suck it up" stop being a thing? Seriously most yeenage lads are after excitement, its trivial.
Original post by banterboy
When did "suck it up" stop being a thing? Seriously most yeenage lads are after excitement, its trivial.
Excitement doesn't have to come from bashing things about and making loud noises. You're supposed to phase out of that by the time you get to university.
Original post by unifodays
So I oved to uni 3 weeks ago and am in a flat with 3 boys and an international post grad girl, so its mostly me and the boys as the girls english isn't great and she isn't here much, she goes and studies with her friends from her course.
I didn't spend much time with the boys during freshers, but hung out with other girl friends i made in my halls, but got along with them all fine when we did hang out.
However, a few days ago, well after frhsers has finished, one of the boys came back drunk from the pub, woke everyone up, and starting balancing the sofas in the kitchen on the worktops and whacking the walls with a hockey stick causing actual damage to the flat.
No one seemed to mind, taking it all in their stride because its uni and boys will be boys, but I went to reception and complained because if we damage the flat we all have to pay for it and i didn't want to pay for damage i didn't cause.
I also want to say that i ended up leaving at around 3am and sleep in my friends room round the corner, and although the boys told me not to tell reception that, I did, as I didn't really see what difference it made?
I now get the feeling the boys think I'm a prude and can't have a laugh and am oversensitive and one of them has even made it very clear he now dislikes me.
So was I in the wrong to complain? Am I being oversensitive?
Thanks!
I didn't spend much time with the boys during freshers, but hung out with other girl friends i made in my halls, but got along with them all fine when we did hang out.
However, a few days ago, well after frhsers has finished, one of the boys came back drunk from the pub, woke everyone up, and starting balancing the sofas in the kitchen on the worktops and whacking the walls with a hockey stick causing actual damage to the flat.
No one seemed to mind, taking it all in their stride because its uni and boys will be boys, but I went to reception and complained because if we damage the flat we all have to pay for it and i didn't want to pay for damage i didn't cause.
I also want to say that i ended up leaving at around 3am and sleep in my friends room round the corner, and although the boys told me not to tell reception that, I did, as I didn't really see what difference it made?
I now get the feeling the boys think I'm a prude and can't have a laugh and am oversensitive and one of them has even made it very clear he now dislikes me.
So was I in the wrong to complain? Am I being oversensitive?
Thanks!
As others have said, given he actually damaged the flat then yes you had every right to complain.
Original post by banterboy
Mate why are you being bare boring. WHat the lad did was banter and you've done the worst thing possible; grassed.
this is where my problem is i didn't want to grass THEM i just didn't want to pay for the damage, but obviously to them it looks like that. if you were them would you hate me and think I'm a killjoy because now they do
Original post by unifodays
this is where my problem is i didn't want to grass THEM i just didn't want to pay for the damage, but obviously to them it looks like that. if you were them would you hate me and think I'm a killjoy because now they do
Yeah because you HAVE grassed them. When it is discovered, saying that it wasn't you and getting your friends to make up some alibi would have been ok. If they refused, THEN telling the truth would be understandable.
I'd probs gather the people, say your sorry and that you'll stop being a killjoy or something. You've made a mistake; I hope you can rectify your social situation.
Nah, if they're waking everyone up when they come in that's bad enough. If they're causing damage that you may have to contribute to the repair of they're way out of line.
I would not consider apologising for a moment.
I would not consider apologising for a moment.
Original post by banterboy
Mate why are you being bare boring. WHat the lad did was banter and you've done the worst thing possible; grassed.
Causing actual damage to something or somewhere you don't own isn't 'banter'. It's being a dick. Expecting OP to not contact reception because they shouldn't have to pay for someone else's destructive behaviour is also being a dick. They all share the flat and OP deserves respect. Not wanting noise in the middle of the night is reasonable. Not wanting your flatmate to damage your home is reasonable. The people being unreasonable are OP's flatmates who thing this is in anyway acceptable behaviour.
it is not "banter" or "having a laugh" to damage other people's property. A certain amount of noise in the early days at university is something you have to suffer, criminal damage you have to pay for isn't.
Don't be a doormat, don't apologise. These are technically adults and if they can't behave as such they should run home to mummy.
Don't be a doormat, don't apologise. These are technically adults and if they can't behave as such they should run home to mummy.
Original post by SmallTownGirl
Causing actual damage to something or somewhere you don't own isn't 'banter'. It's being a dick. Expecting OP to not contact reception because they shouldn't have to pay for someone else's destructive behaviour is also being a dick. They all share the flat and OP deserves respect. Not wanting noise in the middle of the night is reasonable. Not wanting your flatmate to damage your home is reasonable. The people being unreasonable are OP's flatmates who thing this is in anyway acceptable behaviour.
Increasing their possibility of being caught when if they do get caught you still have a way out is being unreasonable. Expecting people not to party at university is unreasonable.
Honestly i thought people who went on tsr actually go to university. It's supposed to be about banter, stealing everyone's microwaves and putting them in someone's bed, playing pranks on people etc. It's not about going to bed at 11pm ffs.
Original post by banterboy
Increasing their possibility of being caught when if they do get caught you still have a way out is being unreasonable. Expecting people not to party at university is unreasonable.
Honestly i thought people who went on tsr actually go to university. It's supposed to be about banter, stealing everyone's microwaves and putting them in someone's bed, playing pranks on people etc. It's not about going to bed at 11pm ffs.
Honestly i thought people who went on tsr actually go to university. It's supposed to be about banter, stealing everyone's microwaves and putting them in someone's bed, playing pranks on people etc. It's not about going to bed at 11pm ffs.
i got no issue with partying think I've made that pretty clear? they can be as noisy as they like just don't break **** and then it'll get taken out of my damages deposit
not about people not being able to take 'banter' and pranks its about me not wanting to pay for a new fridge in my third week
Original post by unifodays
i got no issue with partying think I've made that pretty clear? they can be as noisy as they like just don't break **** and then it'll get taken out of my damages deposit
not about people not being able to take 'banter' and pranks its about me not wanting to pay for a new fridge in my third week
not about people not being able to take 'banter' and pranks its about me not wanting to pay for a new fridge in my third week
I accept that but you went about it wrong, I think it would have been more tactful to wait until it was discovered, and then get your mates to admit that you weren't a part of it. Then grassing would have been acceptable.
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