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The Signs of a Controlling Relationship
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I'm in a controlling relationship.
Know this is an old thread but since it has been bumped anyway may as well post
Took me ages to convince my mum that she was in an abusive relationship (because she is) my father does all of the things in the OP. Is hard for someone to see they are in such a relationship when they are immersed in it and that can be frustrating if you are on the outside.
Hopefully she will be able to divorce, she wants to just hope she can go through with it :/
Took me ages to convince my mum that she was in an abusive relationship (because she is) my father does all of the things in the OP. Is hard for someone to see they are in such a relationship when they are immersed in it and that can be frustrating if you are on the outside.
Hopefully she will be able to divorce, she wants to just hope she can go through with it :/
Original post by Mainlyjenn
I'm in a controlling relationship.
Hi! This is really upsetting to hear; please PM me or another member of the team so we can help in any way we can
Original post by Mainlyjenn
I'm in a controlling relationship.
Are you sad about that, you never really expanded.
Original post by Rakas21
Are you sad about that, you never really expanded.
Yes
Original post by Mainlyjenn
Yes
Please talk to someone.
Debunked
"Not wanting you to go on nights out"
Calls it controlling when your SO doesn't want you going out to get drunk with girls at a club.
OR
Calls it controlling, yet you get angry if your SO goes out and does his own things with the boys.
"Not wanting you to see your friends"
Nobody in a relationship feels comfortable when you have friends of the opposite sex
OR
You are friends with whores/sluts. Do you really think guys would worry so much if you were friends with the village nun?
"Telling you what clothes/ makeup/ products to wear"
Cloths and makeup speaks volumes of what you are trying to do.
Men don't like it when their women dress slutty or wear makeup, at it signals they want to make themselves look more attractive, but for who?
"Demanding you ‘check in’ when you’re out"
My boyfriend is so terrible because he worries about where I am and if I'm safe! So bad!
"Not allowing you to have privacy"
Don't tell me you haven't broken privacy with your boyfriend, you just do it behind his back, while he asks you directly.
-------------------------
Relationships are a two way street, you must be considerate of the other person and their feelings. OP is doing a perfect job of showing the world the problems with most modern women. Only caring about themselves and about how THEY feel. Then have the gull to call the men "controlling"....
"Not wanting you to go on nights out"
Calls it controlling when your SO doesn't want you going out to get drunk with girls at a club.
OR
Calls it controlling, yet you get angry if your SO goes out and does his own things with the boys.
"Not wanting you to see your friends"
Nobody in a relationship feels comfortable when you have friends of the opposite sex
OR
You are friends with whores/sluts. Do you really think guys would worry so much if you were friends with the village nun?
"Telling you what clothes/ makeup/ products to wear"
Cloths and makeup speaks volumes of what you are trying to do.
Men don't like it when their women dress slutty or wear makeup, at it signals they want to make themselves look more attractive, but for who?
"Demanding you ‘check in’ when you’re out"
My boyfriend is so terrible because he worries about where I am and if I'm safe! So bad!
"Not allowing you to have privacy"
Don't tell me you haven't broken privacy with your boyfriend, you just do it behind his back, while he asks you directly.
-------------------------
Relationships are a two way street, you must be considerate of the other person and their feelings. OP is doing a perfect job of showing the world the problems with most modern women. Only caring about themselves and about how THEY feel. Then have the gull to call the men "controlling"....
Original post by Anonymous
Debunked
"Not wanting you to go on nights out"
Calls it controlling when your SO doesn't want you going out to get drunk with girls at a club.
OR
Calls it controlling, yet you get angry if your SO goes out and does his own things with the boys.
"Not wanting you to see your friends"
Nobody in a relationship feels comfortable when you have friends of the opposite sex
OR
You are friends with whores/sluts. Do you really think guys would worry so much if you were friends with the village nun?
"Telling you what clothes/ makeup/ products to wear"
Cloths and makeup speaks volumes of what you are trying to do.
Men don't like it when their women dress slutty or wear makeup, at it signals they want to make themselves look more attractive, but for who?
"Demanding you ‘check in’ when you’re out"
My boyfriend is so terrible because he worries about where I am and if I'm safe! So bad!
"Not allowing you to have privacy"
Don't tell me you haven't broken privacy with your boyfriend, you just do it behind his back, while he asks you directly.
-------------------------
Relationships are a two way street, you must be considerate of the other person and their feelings. OP is doing a perfect job of showing the world the problems with most modern women. Only caring about themselves and about how THEY feel. Then have the gull to call the men "controlling"....
"Not wanting you to go on nights out"
Calls it controlling when your SO doesn't want you going out to get drunk with girls at a club.
OR
Calls it controlling, yet you get angry if your SO goes out and does his own things with the boys.
"Not wanting you to see your friends"
Nobody in a relationship feels comfortable when you have friends of the opposite sex
OR
You are friends with whores/sluts. Do you really think guys would worry so much if you were friends with the village nun?
"Telling you what clothes/ makeup/ products to wear"
Cloths and makeup speaks volumes of what you are trying to do.
Men don't like it when their women dress slutty or wear makeup, at it signals they want to make themselves look more attractive, but for who?
"Demanding you ‘check in’ when you’re out"
My boyfriend is so terrible because he worries about where I am and if I'm safe! So bad!
"Not allowing you to have privacy"
Don't tell me you haven't broken privacy with your boyfriend, you just do it behind his back, while he asks you directly.
-------------------------
Relationships are a two way street, you must be considerate of the other person and their feelings. OP is doing a perfect job of showing the world the problems with most modern women. Only caring about themselves and about how THEY feel. Then have the gull to call the men "controlling"....
This is nothing to do with gender, that's just your interpretation. The entire guide has been written in a gender neutral manner for exactly that reason.
To that end, your first point actually reinforces the point made in the OP rather than debunking it; both of those are the same situation, and are controlling.
The vat majority of people are comfortable with their partner being friends with the opposite sex. Unless you're insecure or have a distinct lack of trust in your partner, you should be fine with that.
If anything, you should be supportive of your partner wanting to dress nicely and feel confident. Yes, they probably want to look attractive. No, that doesn't mean it's for anyone but themselves.
Checking in is considerate, yes. A constant barrage of texts, or expecting constant updates about where they are and who they're with is when it becomes controlling.
Most people don't break their partners privacy, that's just a given in any real relationship.
Original post by Anonymous
Debunked
"Not wanting you to go on nights out"
Calls it controlling when your SO doesn't want you going out to get drunk with girls at a club.
OR
Calls it controlling, yet you get angry if your SO goes out and does his own things with the boys.
"Not wanting you to see your friends"
Nobody in a relationship feels comfortable when you have friends of the opposite sex
OR
You are friends with whores/sluts. Do you really think guys would worry so much if you were friends with the village nun?
"Telling you what clothes/ makeup/ products to wear"
Cloths and makeup speaks volumes of what you are trying to do.
Men don't like it when their women dress slutty or wear makeup, at it signals they want to make themselves look more attractive, but for who?
"Demanding you ‘check in’ when you’re out"
My boyfriend is so terrible because he worries about where I am and if I'm safe! So bad!
"Not allowing you to have privacy"
Don't tell me you haven't broken privacy with your boyfriend, you just do it behind his back, while he asks you directly.
-------------------------
Relationships are a two way street, you must be considerate of the other person and their feelings. OP is doing a perfect job of showing the world the problems with most modern women. Only caring about themselves and about how THEY feel. Then have the gull to call the men "controlling"....
"Not wanting you to go on nights out"
Calls it controlling when your SO doesn't want you going out to get drunk with girls at a club.
OR
Calls it controlling, yet you get angry if your SO goes out and does his own things with the boys.
"Not wanting you to see your friends"
Nobody in a relationship feels comfortable when you have friends of the opposite sex
OR
You are friends with whores/sluts. Do you really think guys would worry so much if you were friends with the village nun?
"Telling you what clothes/ makeup/ products to wear"
Cloths and makeup speaks volumes of what you are trying to do.
Men don't like it when their women dress slutty or wear makeup, at it signals they want to make themselves look more attractive, but for who?
"Demanding you ‘check in’ when you’re out"
My boyfriend is so terrible because he worries about where I am and if I'm safe! So bad!
"Not allowing you to have privacy"
Don't tell me you haven't broken privacy with your boyfriend, you just do it behind his back, while he asks you directly.
-------------------------
Relationships are a two way street, you must be considerate of the other person and their feelings. OP is doing a perfect job of showing the world the problems with most modern women. Only caring about themselves and about how THEY feel. Then have the gull to call the men "controlling"....
If this is how you see it then i feel sorry for your partner
Original post by Anonymous
"Demanding you ‘check in’ when you’re out"
My boyfriend is so terrible because he worries about where I am and if I'm safe! So bad!
My boyfriend is so terrible because he worries about where I am and if I'm safe! So bad!
For me, that's two different things. Letting him know roughly when I'd be home for me is fine. Demanding I constantly check in all the time, isn't. The latter sounds very controlling.
good you brought that subject up happens to often
Also very surprised and pleased to see the last number on the OP...
There is no advice there on how to avoid a controlling relationship though... Merely signs that you are in one.
The signs begin much earlier and almost everyone misses them.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=umZEqHF7GF4
There is no advice there on how to avoid a controlling relationship though... Merely signs that you are in one.
The signs begin much earlier and almost everyone misses them.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=umZEqHF7GF4
Why would I want my girl to get drunk and possibly lose the ability to control herself around a bunch of other guys trying to hook up with her while her girl friends that scream YASSSS to anything she does or even talk her into hooking up with other guys (It happens more than you think. Happened to me and many of my friends).
If a guy isn't comfortable with that and she cares about you, she shouldn't want to put herself in a position that greatly increases the odds of something going wrong. It's not just about trust and the insecurity of the guy. You can't always expect them to be able to control themselves when they're drunk. There's a lot of variables and they can change every time she goes on a night out but what's certain is the odds aren't in a guys favor. I don't force my girl not to go on "nights out", I just tell her I'm not comfortable with it unless it's like a special occasion or she wants me to come with her.
If a guy isn't comfortable with that and she cares about you, she shouldn't want to put herself in a position that greatly increases the odds of something going wrong. It's not just about trust and the insecurity of the guy. You can't always expect them to be able to control themselves when they're drunk. There's a lot of variables and they can change every time she goes on a night out but what's certain is the odds aren't in a guys favor. I don't force my girl not to go on "nights out", I just tell her I'm not comfortable with it unless it's like a special occasion or she wants me to come with her.
Ive just got out of a very controlling relationship and it wasn't till i was out and with people who actually cared about me did i realise i was even in one. I didnt notice how i was always pulling myself down, not eating properly or that i hadnt seen the people who were there for me in a while because i was always so busy trying to keep him happy. Reading this list helps as I sometimes feel that maybe im over reacting or reading into the relationship too much but i can relate to pretty much everything on that list.
Original post by Tiger Rag
For me, that's two different things. Letting him know roughly when I'd be home for me is fine. Demanding I constantly check in all the time, isn't. The latter sounds very controlling.
I understand what youre saying. My ex used to call me if i took too long to walk to the shop demanding to know where I was and why i was taking to long.
I wish no man have to be in controlling relationship.
I recently posted something similar to this asking help for opinions on my long term person. After all the advice given, i really can see all the times they did lie to me about things and kept me cycling back in everytime i tried to break free. They make a small effort for about a month then things go back to the way they were before and i am in unending uncertainty. 'is it me?'' .... ''am i being selfish?'' ..... ''why do i feel like the good parts of me are bad?'' ''why am i scared to reach out to hug them?'' They kiss me then act like it meant nothing or it didnt happen. I feel so worn down at times by it all trying my best to afford them every effort to understand them or do what i can to make them feel better but its all for nothing. Thank you for the help and the clarity on all this. I have a lot of thinking to do on where my life goes next.
Original post by TonyTheGreat
What is a ‘potential trigger’?
Essentially it contains potentially distressing content that could provoke traumatic thoughts in some people.
Original post by TonyTheGreat
Like who!?
For example, it may be triggering to someone who has gone through an emotionally abusive relationship, due to a strong overlap with controlling behaviours. It may outline some of the things that were used against them, and cause emotional distress or flashbacks.
People close to me are on the spectrum for narcissistic personalty disorder, there's no official diagnosis I learned about it by accident when dealing with another person with a similar problem, read it and it's like, that was my childhood and still going on. Personally think they should teach defense mechanisms in school, we all have them and recognizing them is an amazing life skill for dealing with people, peace folks.
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- Could a controlling partner be good?
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