Why cant i be happy

I am a 16 y/o male. I have never really been truly happy. I haven't been happy in a long time. ive been upset for so long its normal to me now. Even why I try to remember my earliest memories they all have the same key topics of intense fear, dissapointment or neglect, yet no happiness. Maybe I don't deserve to be happy. I wish I had someone to just talk to. All my friends are not really my friends, they're are just people who are in my lessons. Teachers have never really liked me ,since a young age. I have gotten used to it. I can't even speak to my parents beacuase they've never really been there for me. They would probably mock me if i told them how i felt, or not believe me. I've never really been able to express how i feel and just ignored my emotions (because my feelings dont matter). In the odd occasion that i have ever expressed sadness/anger i have felt extremely guilty afterwards for feeling thatway. I feel trapped and dont know what to do, help.