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Reply 80

Rudrax

Nice try but bhang just makes me more violent :teeth:

after I recover that is.

Reply 81

Teebs

You peasanty proletariat people think you had it hard... Well you didn't?! It's not easy being brought up as an upper class twit you know. Daddy was a banker and mummy won the Derby. They never really had time for me when I was young, they'd be too busy off schmoozing with their fellow City types/horses. I'd go to them as a young boy of 6 with some piece of work marked 'outstanding A++ better than a year 8' by my teachers and they'd just laugh. It was always, "mummy/daddy's busy" or "come on now Tibs, you don't need to work, you're rich." That's right! Not only did they never praise me for my achivements, they couldn't even remember my name. Even my three nannies couldn't console me.

When I was 11 I ran away from home, hoping to join a travelling group of bourgeois freedom fighters. They took me in, appreciated my ability to better myself academically and finally made me feel wanted. I was happy for the first time in my life. Unsurprisingly mummy and daddy were furious at my escape. It made them look bad among their compatriots, and Uncle Roderick was always wondering where 'young Tim' was when he came round to count money with daddy.

My parents sent out a team of their butlers to hunt me down. It took them one year three months and a day of happiness for me, but eventually they managed. The Bourgeois Freedom Fighters tried to defend me from the kidnapping but were overwhelmed by the sheer class superiority of the butlers and ended up buying semi-detached houses in Staines. When I was brought back home, ensconsed in a burlap bag, my parents decided they'd been too lax on me and so they employed a tutor to teach me the ways of the upper classes. That night was the first, but not the last, time I was buggered.

However, my time with the Freedom Fighters inspired me. I made myself a deep-cover agent. Biding my time, ready to strike when the opportunity arose. Eventually I was sent to Oxford, like every other decent gentleman, but once there, suddenly I was free. Free to express myself academically! Free to be friends with whoever I wanted, even if they were somewhat poorer than me. Once more I was happy.

I was able to avoid being buggered anymore once I got my scholar's gown, and could even go on the regular anti-buggery protests. My parents were somewhat annoyed about me doing well academically, "it's not gentlemanly to get more than a third." However, they couldn't do much as cutting my allowance would lower their own status. When I leave Oxford I plan to get a job doing something middle class, like law or accountancy and then I'll finally be truly free of the upper-class tyranny of my parents.

So remember, all you working class/ethnic minority/Chechnyan boys and girls, it's not all sunshine and flowers for members of the upper classes.

Reply 82

Rudrax

The_Lonely_Goatherd

Yes Rudrax Jii :turban:

:biggrin:

That's better, and teach some proper indian-female-enslavement values to sugar_cane whilst you're at it.

Then sweep the floor and make me chai, the cricket is on!

Reply 83

Teebs

Rudrax

That's better, and teach some proper indian-female-enslavement values to sugar_cane whilst you're at it.

Then sweep the floor and make me chai, the cricket is on!

I wish someone in Oxford would make me nice Asian foods :confused:

In fact, I'd even do the floor sweeping and things in return. There is now a better offer on the table for those of you able to cook nice things. Welcome to capitalism Rudrax :cool:

Reply 84

Audrey Hepburn

I would like to use this thread as an opportunity to announce that I beat out an Etonian for my place at Oxford :proud:

I had to suck a lot of cock for that place too, a lot :sadnod:

Reply 85

Guy Secretan

what school did you go to

Reply 86

SolInvictus

The_Lonely_Goatherd

Well at least you got the chance to go to school! Being the stereotypical oppressed working-class Asian girl, I wasn't allowed to go to school because the white girls might "influence" me :ninja:

Besides, as I was destined to be a housewife, I didn't need to be educated. So I was kept at home and spent most of the day either cooking samosas and cutlets, selling them in Hounslow, Southall, Brixton or Heathrow Airport, or practising my sitar. My father tried to arrange a marriage for me but I didn't want one, so I ran away with only my sitar and a hastily-packed bag of clothes. A friendly coach driver saw me wandering the streets looking distressed and I explained to him (in Panjabi) that I was in danger, so he helped me escape by taking me on his coach and dropping me in a faraway city where everything looks like a castle. As I wandered the streets looking for somewhere to go, some English people spotted me with my sitar and realised that they had very few Asian applicants that year for their Music course and ushered me inside to play for them and be their token Asian student. So I improvised on a raga for them and the rest is history! :biggrin:

So: I can't read or write and I only speak Hindi, Panjabi and Urdu. Beat that! :yep:

Ladki, go make me some parathas, sabzi, and kofts makhani..... and don't hold back on the cream or saffron. Oh yes, don't forget to polish my veena either, but be careful to stay away from the chapel and altar while I make the daily sacrifices. Oh yes, and bring me a lassi flavoured with cashews, almonds and more saffron...... thats about it.

And don't forget to thank the gods for caste based oppression.

Reply 87

SolInvictus

Teebs

I wish someone in Oxford would make me nice Asian foods :confused:

In fact, I'd even do the floor sweeping and things in return. There is now a better offer on the table for those of you able to cook nice things. Welcome to capitalism Rudrax :cool:

I can hand over one of my lower-casters to take care of your domestic needs. Our cook is also remarkable good.

Reply 88

Audrey Hepburn

Guy Secretan

what school did you go to

A non-selective boarding school, not a great one at that - all the other public schools in the area would look down on us :sad:

Yes

SolInvictus

I can hand over one of my lower-casters to take care of your domestic needs. Our cook is also remarkable good.

I'm trying to abandon my upper class roots and live a middle class life, didn't you read my life story :rolleyes:

, having a servant would ruin that. That's why I'm offering cleaning for cooking.

Reply 91

Rudrax

Teebs

I'm trying to abandon my upper class roots and live a middle class life, didn't you read my life story :rolleyes:

, having a servant would ruin that. That's why I'm offering cleaning for cooking.

Middle class not working class :teeth:

Reply 92

Teebs

Rudrax

Middle class not working class :teeth:

Well I may as well have a bit of money :p:

Reply 93

SolInvictus

Teebs

I'm trying to abandon my upper class roots and live a middle class life, didn't you read my life story :rolleyes:

, having a servant would ruin that. That's why I'm offering cleaning for cooking.

Good heavens, you're going for middle class, not working class. You can afford at least a laundrymaid, and I would venture you could do with a valet and cook, with a cleaner or two.

Not to mention, if we are going Asian here, the definition of middle class is the ability to keep a maid, cook and driver, although my Grandmother manages to drive off the servants..... I think her cook ran away last week. (Not joking on this one :eek:

)

Reply 94

oriel historian

Oh to quibble over a servant when the revolution comes. You lads will have issues then!

Reply 95

wizz_kid

Teebs

Did I really only get in because mummy and daddy paid for me because they thought they were better than everyone else? :puppyeyes:

I've just been in a debate on class. *sigh*

Paid for what? Ur private schooled education?

Reply 96

Teebs

SolInvictus

)

Ah but we're not going Asian are we. I just want the cooking :p:

Come on, it's a pretty good offer I think. I won't order people around, I'll take part in house work and earn lots of money and all I want back is nice food :puppyeyes:

wizz_kid

Paid for what? Ur private schooled education?

Fail. Go away.

Reply 97

wizz_kid

Teebs

Ah but we're not going Asian are we. I just want the cooking :p:

Come on, it's a pretty good offer I think. I won't order people around, I'll take part in house work and earn lots of money and all I want back is nice food :puppyeyes:

Fail. Go away.

wht?

Reply 98

SolInvictus

Teebs

Ah but we're not going Asian are we. I just want the cooking :p:

Come on, it's a pretty good offer I think. I won't order people around, I'll take part in house work and earn lots of money and all I want back is nice food :puppyeyes:

Well then, you can be steward of one of my titular estates, and run the household while I plot a way to undo 1947.