My dad will be 70 when I turn 19?

Next June, my dad will turn 70 and I will turn 19. He isn't the biological father of my sister and I but he is the bio father of my 13 year old brother. I realised he was old when I was in primary school and it became a really big source of anxiety. Lots of people would reassure me and tell me that 60-something isn't that old. But now that he's turning 70, reality has really started to sink in. It is something that I think of almost daily. Being the eldest child, I feel like I have a responsibility to become financially stable and prepare to support my siblings for when he passes. I am only 18 so this is a huge weight to carry. I have goals for my future but feel like I can't pursue them because of this. My mum has already passed away and I don't want my siblings and I to go through that pain again. I feel helpless because I know that I can't stop him from ageing.

Hi mate,

I seen your post and thought I would share my personal experience of having an older dad, of course our situation is not exactly the same, I am the youngest sibling at 23 out of a family of 8.

As I say I am 23, my dad is 74 soon to be 75, he has COPD but honestly you wouldn't think it, he keeps himself going and is extremely independent but I work in care and hoping to study nursing as a mature student next year, in care I have seen people many years younger than my dad unable to live independently. My colleagues father is 87 and still drives to the shops and is extremely independent. Age is a funny thing, it doesn't always determine how we live, it is different for each individual.

I understand why you're worried, I would say chat to your dad about your worries, let him know what you're thinking with regards to the future and maybe talk further to someone else about the anxiety it is causing but mainly focus on your education because it will help massively, trust me education is very important, focus on it and everything else will come together in time.

I know I'm only 23 but one thing I have learned is that what is meant for you in life will eventually reach you, life has a funny way of working things out, the reason I left school at 16 was to do a trade to support my parents financially and of course myself but I was so unhappy and now with less money (for now) I am happier and will eventually reach my career goal, I just took the scenic route but you're still 18 and of course its a hell of a worry, I get that but focus on yourself and your education, get that and it will enable you to do the rest when the time comes.

This probably doesn't help but I do understand it, I get why you're worried but don't let it own you, your dad could live another 15 years with full health and a further 5-10 or maybe more requiring some help, what could you achieve within the next 15 years? A lot and you will. If you ever feel like its getting to be too much and need a random person to chat to who also has an older dad feel free to pop me a message and we can talk via email, TSR or whatever happens to suit you best. I would definitely advise talking to your dad as well.

It'll all be okay in the end

Everyone is so different with ageing. My dad passed away when he was 61 and he would have been 70 now (I'm 24). Yet my Grandma (Dad's Mum) outlived him and she was 90 when she passed away, she was living independently until her late 80s. Some people in their 40s/50s have not aged well yet I know lots of people in their 70s and 80s who seem like they're much younger. There isn't much you can do about his age (apart from maybe supporting him to lead a healthy life style such as exercise and eating well). Try and enjoy the time that you do have and be thankful you have this time with him (and hopefully many more years). Try not to look back and think 'oh I should have really appreciated this time with him' when you're older. It's not your responsibility to be financially stable for your siblings - yes it would be nice and could help, but hopefully they will also be adults by the time your dad passes away. Follow your dreams still so that you don't have those regrets!

In summary: We can't predict the future, enjoy the time now, your dad will hopefully live for many more years

I agree with you. I think I've sort of convinced myself that once someone turns 70, they're automatically in their last few years. Obviously that isn't true as lots of people live into their 80s. It's just the uncertainty of not knowing; I'm an anxious person so I don't deal well with uncertainty. I just pray that he lives into my late 20s, by the time I have a good job & both of my degrees. Until then, I'm just going to try and make the most of my time with him and seek professional help for my anxiety. Thanks a lot for your help