Toxic relationship

Hi,

I need help, I’ve been in my relationship for about 9 months now, we’ve had a rocky start, as I was unsure if I wanted to fully commit to him. However, over time he’d gotten more and more controlling, and it was more and more difficult for me but my love for him has grown so much. He made me cut off all guy friends, even one of my gay friends, but it was due to me being horrible to him when I first met him and throughout our first few months of dating (it’s also an online relationship). I used to break up with him, tell him he didn’t deserve me, I was very toxic and immature and still am. I probably should expand a lot more but I really don’t have the energy to do so, I just I really don’t know what to do anymore. I should mention I’m 17… I honestly don’t know what to say. There’s so much to talk about.

Ill be honest, it gets lime that. You’ll have phases like this throughout your relationship where you feel mixed emotions and unsurity towards your bf/relationship

But in all honesty, if you love him, and he loves you back, don’t give up on him. EVER. Nowadays it’s become so normalised to end relationships after a few rocky stages, when if they’re really your person, it’ll make your relationship stronger. Never give up on him UNLESS/UNTIL your LOVE for him is no longer there.

However, the whole him being controlling part, I personally have been there done that with my own girlfriend but all I can say is, he doesn’t mean it (and most likely doesn’t notice it) he’s insecure, but this isn’t his fault, not yours. This is gonna sound common and clichè but you really need to communicate with him, it’s honestly the only way.

You need to let him know how you feel about his actions, (which he may not even realise fully until you have a serious convo with him) and just work things out with him. Being in a relationship isn’t easy and it takes a lot of patience, communication and compromise. If you and him love each other enough, you will work it out.

Toxic relationships are slightly a lost cause & mentally draining/heartbreaking but not always, not if you’re willing to make small changes within the relationship to keep you guys together. Don’t give up him, just like how he didn’t give up on you when you were being toxic to him. He clearly loves you but is just afraid to lose you.

Like I said before, only consider leaving him if your absolutely sure and lost love for him and vice versa

Honestly, I genuinely cannot thank you enough, that's all very true; I just needed that reassurance. I do truly love him, and he does truly love me, he spends hundreds of pounds coming to see me every time, he's such a genuine, loving caring person, and i do truly want him as my children's father. Also I entirely agree with that statement of the normalisation of just leaving relationships even through most normal of times. I was reading more threads about toxic relationships, but it made me realise the majority of the responses was to leave, but when they were to justify they had invalid points, and I think it's just too silly. ah im going out of topic, my brain is mushed rn, but thank you. I genuinely do appreciate your response <3