My boyfriend makes me feel like I’m not good enough and keeps pointing out my flaws
Hi,
My boyfriend and I started living together. I’m from the USA. I feel like his standards are unrealistic and I want your opinions because I feel like I will never be good enough for him no matter what I do.
First of all, he has a BIG resentment towards me because I don’t do his laundry. Before moving in with me, he lived by himself and did his own laundry, so I don’t understand why he wants things to be different now. I do cook for him every day and wash the dishes afterwards. He never has to cook or do dishes. We each do our own laundry and I think it’s fair this way but he hates doing his laundry and wants me to do it for him besides cooking his meals daily. And he keeps telling me that women usually do their men’s laundry.
My boyfriend’s chore is to clean and he actually enjoys it because he likes cleaning but sometimes acts like I’m supposed to worship him because he cleans. One time he randomly got mad at me saying: “I can’t believe you haven’t given me a glass of water after I’ve been cleaning for a long time”. I think he’s right that I should be more thoughtful but I don’t do things on purpose. I just work better with communication. If he asks me for water, then I’ll gladly get it for him. I’m not a mind reader but he wants me to be guess what he wants. I told him to communicate things with me but he thinks it’s stupid that he has to tell me things. He just expects me do it.
Sometimes he has said: “this is the last time I’ll ever clean” like he does too much for me and makes me feel like I don’t deserve him.
One time I invited him out for breakfast. We went to Mc Donald’s but we decided to take the food home instead of eating there. We ate at home and afterwards I cleaned the table but left some packages of ketchup there. I didn’t think too much of it but just threw away all the food, plates and cups. I thought I was going to make my boyfriend happy because I bought breakfast that day but instead of thanking me, he pointed out another flaw. He complained that I left the packages of ketchup on the table and asked why I didn’t put them away. It’s just ketchup! Jesus Christ! How does it affect him? Maybe I didn’t give too much importance to it but again he thinks I do things on purpose.
I feel like I can never do anything right in his eyes. I can point out more examples but I don’t want to make this too long.
What are your thoughts? Am I such a bad girlfriend or he has some problems?
My boyfriend and I started living together. I’m from the USA. I feel like his standards are unrealistic and I want your opinions because I feel like I will never be good enough for him no matter what I do.
First of all, he has a BIG resentment towards me because I don’t do his laundry. Before moving in with me, he lived by himself and did his own laundry, so I don’t understand why he wants things to be different now. I do cook for him every day and wash the dishes afterwards. He never has to cook or do dishes. We each do our own laundry and I think it’s fair this way but he hates doing his laundry and wants me to do it for him besides cooking his meals daily. And he keeps telling me that women usually do their men’s laundry.
My boyfriend’s chore is to clean and he actually enjoys it because he likes cleaning but sometimes acts like I’m supposed to worship him because he cleans. One time he randomly got mad at me saying: “I can’t believe you haven’t given me a glass of water after I’ve been cleaning for a long time”. I think he’s right that I should be more thoughtful but I don’t do things on purpose. I just work better with communication. If he asks me for water, then I’ll gladly get it for him. I’m not a mind reader but he wants me to be guess what he wants. I told him to communicate things with me but he thinks it’s stupid that he has to tell me things. He just expects me do it.
Sometimes he has said: “this is the last time I’ll ever clean” like he does too much for me and makes me feel like I don’t deserve him.
One time I invited him out for breakfast. We went to Mc Donald’s but we decided to take the food home instead of eating there. We ate at home and afterwards I cleaned the table but left some packages of ketchup there. I didn’t think too much of it but just threw away all the food, plates and cups. I thought I was going to make my boyfriend happy because I bought breakfast that day but instead of thanking me, he pointed out another flaw. He complained that I left the packages of ketchup on the table and asked why I didn’t put them away. It’s just ketchup! Jesus Christ! How does it affect him? Maybe I didn’t give too much importance to it but again he thinks I do things on purpose.
I feel like I can never do anything right in his eyes. I can point out more examples but I don’t want to make this too long.
What are your thoughts? Am I such a bad girlfriend or he has some problems?
Drop him he sounds toxic and petty
You've done nothing wrong. He's trying to enforce traditional gender roles while also wanting praise for splitting the chores and doing what he likely considers "women's work" (e.g. cleaning). You're not his mother so anything you do for him should be considered a kindness rather than a given, and it should be the same in reverse.
(edited 2 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
Hi,
My boyfriend and I started living together. I’m from the USA. I feel like his standards are unrealistic and I want your opinions because I feel like I will never be good enough for him no matter what I do.
First of all, he has a BIG resentment towards me because I don’t do his laundry. Before moving in with me, he lived by himself and did his own laundry, so I don’t understand why he wants things to be different now. I do cook for him every day and wash the dishes afterwards. He never has to cook or do dishes. We each do our own laundry and I think it’s fair this way but he hates doing his laundry and wants me to do it for him besides cooking his meals daily. And he keeps telling me that women usually do their men’s laundry.
My boyfriend’s chore is to clean and he actually enjoys it because he likes cleaning but sometimes acts like I’m supposed to worship him because he cleans. One time he randomly got mad at me saying: “I can’t believe you haven’t given me a glass of water after I’ve been cleaning for a long time”. I think he’s right that I should be more thoughtful but I don’t do things on purpose. I just work better with communication. If he asks me for water, then I’ll gladly get it for him. I’m not a mind reader but he wants me to be guess what he wants. I told him to communicate things with me but he thinks it’s stupid that he has to tell me things. He just expects me do it.
Sometimes he has said: “this is the last time I’ll ever clean” like he does too much for me and makes me feel like I don’t deserve him.
One time I invited him out for breakfast. We went to Mc Donald’s but we decided to take the food home instead of eating there. We ate at home and afterwards I cleaned the table but left some packages of ketchup there. I didn’t think too much of it but just threw away all the food, plates and cups. I thought I was going to make my boyfriend happy because I bought breakfast that day but instead of thanking me, he pointed out another flaw. He complained that I left the packages of ketchup on the table and asked why I didn’t put them away. It’s just ketchup! Jesus Christ! How does it affect him? Maybe I didn’t give too much importance to it but again he thinks I do things on purpose.
I feel like I can never do anything right in his eyes. I can point out more examples but I don’t want to make this too long.
What are your thoughts? Am I such a bad girlfriend or he has some problems?
My boyfriend and I started living together. I’m from the USA. I feel like his standards are unrealistic and I want your opinions because I feel like I will never be good enough for him no matter what I do.
First of all, he has a BIG resentment towards me because I don’t do his laundry. Before moving in with me, he lived by himself and did his own laundry, so I don’t understand why he wants things to be different now. I do cook for him every day and wash the dishes afterwards. He never has to cook or do dishes. We each do our own laundry and I think it’s fair this way but he hates doing his laundry and wants me to do it for him besides cooking his meals daily. And he keeps telling me that women usually do their men’s laundry.
My boyfriend’s chore is to clean and he actually enjoys it because he likes cleaning but sometimes acts like I’m supposed to worship him because he cleans. One time he randomly got mad at me saying: “I can’t believe you haven’t given me a glass of water after I’ve been cleaning for a long time”. I think he’s right that I should be more thoughtful but I don’t do things on purpose. I just work better with communication. If he asks me for water, then I’ll gladly get it for him. I’m not a mind reader but he wants me to be guess what he wants. I told him to communicate things with me but he thinks it’s stupid that he has to tell me things. He just expects me do it.
Sometimes he has said: “this is the last time I’ll ever clean” like he does too much for me and makes me feel like I don’t deserve him.
One time I invited him out for breakfast. We went to Mc Donald’s but we decided to take the food home instead of eating there. We ate at home and afterwards I cleaned the table but left some packages of ketchup there. I didn’t think too much of it but just threw away all the food, plates and cups. I thought I was going to make my boyfriend happy because I bought breakfast that day but instead of thanking me, he pointed out another flaw. He complained that I left the packages of ketchup on the table and asked why I didn’t put them away. It’s just ketchup! Jesus Christ! How does it affect him? Maybe I didn’t give too much importance to it but again he thinks I do things on purpose.
I feel like I can never do anything right in his eyes. I can point out more examples but I don’t want to make this too long.
What are your thoughts? Am I such a bad girlfriend or he has some problems?
know your worth. if you notice red flags talk it through with him and if nothing changes then maybe consider that he’s not the one for you.
Okay, so I hope I have this right:
Essentially, you're taking on the role of his mother, instead of his girlfriend because he's too lazy and childish to cook/clean for himself or do his own laundry.
You are not a bad girlfriend, but you're acting like his mother, which isn't your job. It's not your fault that he's a man-child who can't do things for himself.
That's one problem. But another is that he is making comments like “I can’t believe you haven’t given me a glass of water after I’ve been cleaning for a long time” or “this is the last time I’ll ever clean”. The way he is purposely phrasing these things makes you seem like the bad guy. It's called guilt tripping. He expects praise for doing things that you do often and he does once in a blue moon.
Please leave unless you want to be potentially gaslighted/manipulated for the rest of your life. He doesn't deserve you. Relationships are supposed to be about respect and sharing out the chores/any problems you may encounter. This is a very one-sided relationship.
You're his girlfriend, not his mother.
Essentially, you're taking on the role of his mother, instead of his girlfriend because he's too lazy and childish to cook/clean for himself or do his own laundry.
You are not a bad girlfriend, but you're acting like his mother, which isn't your job. It's not your fault that he's a man-child who can't do things for himself.
That's one problem. But another is that he is making comments like “I can’t believe you haven’t given me a glass of water after I’ve been cleaning for a long time” or “this is the last time I’ll ever clean”. The way he is purposely phrasing these things makes you seem like the bad guy. It's called guilt tripping. He expects praise for doing things that you do often and he does once in a blue moon.
Please leave unless you want to be potentially gaslighted/manipulated for the rest of your life. He doesn't deserve you. Relationships are supposed to be about respect and sharing out the chores/any problems you may encounter. This is a very one-sided relationship.
You're his girlfriend, not his mother.
since u living with him u owe him sex , nothing else
i hate men who want their woman to cook and clean . he can do it himself
i hate men who want their woman to cook and clean . he can do it himself
seem like he is projecting his insecurities onto you
Original post by Anonymous
since u living with him u owe him sex , nothing else
i hate men who want their woman to cook and clean . he can do it himself
i hate men who want their woman to cook and clean . he can do it himself
She doesn't even owe him sex to be fair.
Original post by 1582
She doesn't even owe him sex to be fair.
both ways, since they live with each other she owes him and he owes her sex too...
Honestly, life is too short to be with someone who is so petty, immature and shows signs of being toxic. You deserve to be with someone who wants you make you the happiest person ever, not make life harder that it already is.
He's a tw-t, you owe him jack sh-t. Find someone better, he'll learn a lesson. Abusive reationships ruin people, don't let him do that. Leave asap.
(edited 2 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
Hi,
My boyfriend and I started living together. I’m from the USA. I feel like his standards are unrealistic and I want your opinions because I feel like I will never be good enough for him no matter what I do.
First of all, he has a BIG resentment towards me because I don’t do his laundry. Before moving in with me, he lived by himself and did his own laundry, so I don’t understand why he wants things to be different now. I do cook for him every day and wash the dishes afterwards. He never has to cook or do dishes. We each do our own laundry and I think it’s fair this way but he hates doing his laundry and wants me to do it for him besides cooking his meals daily. And he keeps telling me that women usually do their men’s laundry.
My boyfriend’s chore is to clean and he actually enjoys it because he likes cleaning but sometimes acts like I’m supposed to worship him because he cleans. One time he randomly got mad at me saying: “I can’t believe you haven’t given me a glass of water after I’ve been cleaning for a long time”. I think he’s right that I should be more thoughtful but I don’t do things on purpose. I just work better with communication. If he asks me for water, then I’ll gladly get it for him. I’m not a mind reader but he wants me to be guess what he wants. I told him to communicate things with me but he thinks it’s stupid that he has to tell me things. He just expects me do it.
Sometimes he has said: “this is the last time I’ll ever clean” like he does too much for me and makes me feel like I don’t deserve him.
One time I invited him out for breakfast. We went to Mc Donald’s but we decided to take the food home instead of eating there. We ate at home and afterwards I cleaned the table but left some packages of ketchup there. I didn’t think too much of it but just threw away all the food, plates and cups. I thought I was going to make my boyfriend happy because I bought breakfast that day but instead of thanking me, he pointed out another flaw. He complained that I left the packages of ketchup on the table and asked why I didn’t put them away. It’s just ketchup! Jesus Christ! How does it affect him? Maybe I didn’t give too much importance to it but again he thinks I do things on purpose.
I feel like I can never do anything right in his eyes. I can point out more examples but I don’t want to make this too long.
What are your thoughts? Am I such a bad girlfriend or he has some problems?
My boyfriend and I started living together. I’m from the USA. I feel like his standards are unrealistic and I want your opinions because I feel like I will never be good enough for him no matter what I do.
First of all, he has a BIG resentment towards me because I don’t do his laundry. Before moving in with me, he lived by himself and did his own laundry, so I don’t understand why he wants things to be different now. I do cook for him every day and wash the dishes afterwards. He never has to cook or do dishes. We each do our own laundry and I think it’s fair this way but he hates doing his laundry and wants me to do it for him besides cooking his meals daily. And he keeps telling me that women usually do their men’s laundry.
My boyfriend’s chore is to clean and he actually enjoys it because he likes cleaning but sometimes acts like I’m supposed to worship him because he cleans. One time he randomly got mad at me saying: “I can’t believe you haven’t given me a glass of water after I’ve been cleaning for a long time”. I think he’s right that I should be more thoughtful but I don’t do things on purpose. I just work better with communication. If he asks me for water, then I’ll gladly get it for him. I’m not a mind reader but he wants me to be guess what he wants. I told him to communicate things with me but he thinks it’s stupid that he has to tell me things. He just expects me do it.
Sometimes he has said: “this is the last time I’ll ever clean” like he does too much for me and makes me feel like I don’t deserve him.
One time I invited him out for breakfast. We went to Mc Donald’s but we decided to take the food home instead of eating there. We ate at home and afterwards I cleaned the table but left some packages of ketchup there. I didn’t think too much of it but just threw away all the food, plates and cups. I thought I was going to make my boyfriend happy because I bought breakfast that day but instead of thanking me, he pointed out another flaw. He complained that I left the packages of ketchup on the table and asked why I didn’t put them away. It’s just ketchup! Jesus Christ! How does it affect him? Maybe I didn’t give too much importance to it but again he thinks I do things on purpose.
I feel like I can never do anything right in his eyes. I can point out more examples but I don’t want to make this too long.
What are your thoughts? Am I such a bad girlfriend or he has some problems?
Girl, LISTEN! drop that ****. he's not worth it and he is sexist, toxic, and deserves to be alone for the rest of his life. You are AMAZING, BEAUTIFUL and SMART! so don't let this douche make you feel like you're nothing.
in a relationship, both have to be considerate, loving, respectful, cooperative. and I see none in this relationship. he is not worth it trust me. i have seen these type of relationship many times and some of them were married to this kind of piece of **** and its just ugly af.
Original post by Anonymous
both ways, since they live with each other she owes him and he owes her sex too...
She doesn’t owe anyone anything.
He sounds manipulative and controlling.
Thanks for the advice. I always felt like I was not the one who had problems but it’s him instead. I do feel that the relationship is toxic. I feel bad leaving him because it’s not the first time I’m unlucky in a relationship. I’m starting to feel like there’s no hope of finding someone decent now a days
Original post by Anonymous
since u living with him u owe him sex , nothing else
i hate men who want their woman to cook and clean . he can do it himself
i hate men who want their woman to cook and clean . he can do it himself
Quick Reply
Related discussions
- I’m scared that my boyfriend will break up with me…
- What to do?
- Why do so many girls have a boyfriend? Am I really unlucky?
- My bf requires constant praise
- Is it okay if my boyfriend doesn’t want me to talk to other boys?
- i get worried nobody’s going to think of me romantically
- [TRIGGER WARNING: sexual harassment]
- Feel betrayed by bf
- Was I wrong fo reporting my situation?
- How do you cope with your boyfriend looking at other females
- Lack of male attention in yr13
- Better to focus on alevels or boyfriend?
- I can't stop cheating
- Love triangle?
- relationship advice.. (18 year old and 24)
- Is it alright if my boyfriend slaps me?
- Am I a bad person for leading on my boyfriend?
- My boyfriend called me fat and ugly
- Never been in love
- can't asleep - overthinking and anxiety
Latest
Trending
Last reply 1 week ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 1 week ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 3 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset aboutTrending
Last reply 1 week ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 1 week ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 3 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset about
