Am I a lesbian or just traumatised?

I (female) was assaulted a few times by my then-boyfriend 2 years ago. I haven't done anything sexual with anyone since then. I've known I am queer since I knew it was a thing, but until the incident, I was sure I was attracted to both men and women.

I've recently found myself having romantic feelings for a male friend, but I don't think I want to have sex with him. The idea makes me feel gross. I don't know if it's because I just don't like men sexually or if I'm still just not ready. Before it happened, I definitely felt sexual attraction toward men.

I don't know if it's maybe just fear manifesting as being uncomfortable with sex with men, or if I'm just not into them anymore. I don't feel like this when I think about sex with women, but then I wasn't assaulted by one...

Reply 1

londonmyst

19

You sound traumatised.
There are plenty of bisexuals that have a relationship or romantic preference for one biological sex and hookup preference for the other.
I think that you are bisexual not gay and being sexually assaulted by the male ex has made you fear being sexually attacked by another male.
It will take time for you to heal from the conduct of the ex.
Then feel ready to decide whether you want any sexual or romantic involvement with guys.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by londonmyst

You sound traumatised.

Thank you, I think it's the fact that it's manifesting as being grossed out by sex with men and not as fear that's confusing me. I really appreciate you replying

Reply 3

Bellflick

1

Original post by Anonymous

I (female) was assaulted a few times by my then-boyfriend 2 years ago. I haven't done anything sexual with anyone since then. I've known I am queer since I knew it was a thing, but until the incident, I was sure I was attracted to both men and women.

I've recently found myself having romantic feelings for a male friend, but I don't think I want to have sex with him. The idea makes me feel gross. I don't know if it's because I just don't like men sexually or if I'm still just not ready. Before it happened, I definitely felt sexual attraction toward men.

I don't know if it's maybe just fear manifesting as being uncomfortable with sex with men, or if I'm just not into them anymore. I don't feel like this when I think about sex with women, but then I wasn't assaulted by one...

I have similar feelings, I went through a rough relationship with an abusive male for two years and had experienced some other male related incidents and assaults previously and after the relationship. I have a bf now, at first I thought I was so nervous during sex because he was new and obviously things can be exciting and nerve racking at the beginning. Things haven’t changed- I still have to stop during sex to throw up with so much anxiety, I dissociate the whole time we have sex and I have to force myself to enjoy it or suppress it. I don’t feel like I can talk to anyone. I don’t have any close friends who I can figure things out with as I had to move and rid everyone when getting away from my ex. It’s so hard and confusing. I admit I think about having sex with girls - which tends to confuse me more- and I can easily get off to that, I’ve experienced being with a girl in the past and I’ve never had a girl assault or abuse me so maybe there is something correlating between those two and our stories.

Am I a lesbian or just traumatised?

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