My life is sooo ******* sad, ask me anything.

I am basically a 20 year old who lives at home, I only have an iPad which is taken away at 10 each night. I am not allowed out of my house alone unless i am going to uni and not allowed a job either.

My dad is so controlling and my mum enables it and so I have no freedom.
I have no friends because I am not allowed a phone, just one for emergencies but not to give number out, or social media therefore I can’t keep in contact with them even if I did. I have such bad issues that I don’t even have a personality lol. I genuinely don’t know how to get a friendship group especially since everyone has social media and can hang out at anytime.
I used to have 2 people in my course that i really liked and got on with but they dropped out and now I feel like such an outcast. Especially since iam the only Pakistani girl there and
all the whites girls have grouped up. I don’t have anything good in my life, please help.
feel free to ask any questions lol.

I am basically a 20 year old who lives at home, I only have an iPad which is taken away at 10 each night. I am not allowed out of my house alone unless i am going to uni and not allowed a job either.

My dad is so controlling and my mum enables it and so I have no freedom.
I have no friends because I am not allowed a phone, just one for emergencies but not to give number out, or social media therefore I can’t keep in contact with them even if I did. I have such bad issues that I don’t even have a personality lol. I genuinely don’t know how to get a friendship group especially since everyone has social media and can hang out at anytime.
I used to have 2 people in my course that i really liked and got on with but they dropped out and now I feel like such an outcast. Especially since iam the only **** girl there and all the whites girls have grouped up. I don’t have anything good in my life, please help.

Hiya i'm assuming your brown and brown parents can be very strict, but i do believe this a little too extreme esp since youre 20! Is there any way you can buy another phone, perhaps with student finance if youre not working. The easiest way to maintain friends is by being able to contact them and i think social media is quite important rn, at this day and time

I am brown, well guessed so I assume you are too? I know that buying a phone would be good to keep in contact but my main problem is that I have so many issues that I overanalyse and doubt peoples actions. As a result I subconsciously push people away and I think I put them off being my friend therefore I don’t have any. So basically I am the problem. I just want to runaway and restart my life but don’t have the Balls to actually do it.

Maybe try therapy?

Do you have any plans to break the cycle by taking the necessary steps to end their control over your adult life and stop contact with the toxic relatives who have made your life a misery for so long?
Or do you plan to obey their demands and suffer their bizarre rules & coercive control for the next few decades/rest of your life.
Allowing them to make the life of any future children you have just as miserable as yours so that 25 years from now, one of your teenagers feels that their only option is to write a similar post to this one on a website like TSR.

I do understand some of how you feel.
I was raised in a toxic and controlling household surrounded by unreasonable people who constantly imposed themselves and their demands upon me.
No peace, no privacy, no independence and very little freedom.
Never allowed out alone, even as an 18 year old.
Lots of banned foods, words, people and brands.
My mother was violent and in the habit of collecting the most predatory of pals then appeasing their dangerous nonsense, mostly
criminals or religious weirdos.
I learned to walk in the hope of getting away from the lot of them, couldn't crawl away fast enough.
Eventually escaped before a levels were over 9 years ago and will never go back or speak to any of them again.
My only regret is that I couldn't get away earlier or take my lifesavings with me (mother stole them trying to prevent me from being able to leave).

I come from an Asian background with parents similar to yours.

My parents finally started to give me space to be an adult when I snuck out and went abroad for a weekend by myself. Yes, there was a lot of crying and screaming from my mum’s end but they both realised I could take care of myself. It also helped that all the universities I applied for were at least 50 miles from home.

Not saying you should do that, but you can push back and show that they’re holding you back. Ask them how are you are going to cope in the world when they won’t let you develop any social skills?

Just know you’re not alone in this and it won’t always feel this bad.

Do you have any siblings?

I have asked my mum to let me do the basic things, like go out and get social media but she always says that I shouldn’t because my dad and the other relatives will get angry. I told her that I am unhappy about being treated like a baby, and that I want to just be like every other uni student, and she just said that my time will come after I finish my degree. It never changes and I don’t know how to escape it, without ruining my uni degree.

Should I tell my uni? I don’t know what to do other than be miserable 😝. I am so desensitised to it that it doesn’t even seem bad until I start listing all the restrictions. I am scared because I would be completely alone if I ran away, with no friends or anything. It’s a massive risk and I don’t know what do to anymore.

Do you have a helpful personal tutor?
If so, you can ask what uni help is available for students trying to escape from controlling & coercive households and discuss your options.
There are also charities that can help you where there has been violence or religious abuse.

How high are your student loans?
Do you have savings?

Don't be scared.
Living alone as an independent adult is a great source of life experience and basis to make a start on building the happy future life that you want.
Particularly during your uni years.
You will have the same freedom as every other adult, be able to enjoy your peace & privacy, make new friends, learn new skills and work towards achieving your own ambitions.
Without being trapped in a controlling household where your every move and meal is controlling by someone else.
Good luck!

Do you have a helpful personal tutor?
If so, you can ask what uni help is available for students trying to escape from controlling & coercive households and discuss your options.
There are also charities that can help you where there has been violence or religious abuse.

How high are your student loans?
Do you have savings?

Don't be scared.
Living alone as an independent adult is a great source of life experience and basis to make a start on building the happy future life that you want.
Particularly during your uni years.
You will have the same freedom as every other adult, be able to enjoy your peace & privacy, make new friends, learn new skills and work towards achieving your own ambitions.
Without being trapped in a controlling household where your every move and meal is controlling by someone else.
Good luck!

I don’t think I can do it actually, I just don’t have the strength. How would I do it? Over email or in person? What if he tells me to move out, I don’t think i am brave enough? What if he doesn’t take me seriously? I will be so alone after tho, is it worth it?