why shouldn't you do nice things for your girl that you don't do for others?

Why is this a "simp"?

If I like a girl, OFC I'm gonna do things for her that I'd not do for a random guy. What's wrong with that? if I like her, OFC I'd wanna have sex with her, what's wrong with that?

People call others "simps" because they take special care of girls they like. And some girls seem to agree and also call those guys "simps"... which is even more sad...

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

Why is this a "simp"?

If I like a girl, OFC I'm gonna do things for her that I'd not do for a random guy. What's wrong with that? if I like her, OFC I'd wanna have sex with her, what's wrong with that?

People call others "simps" because they take special care of girls they like. And some girls seem to agree and also call those guys "simps"... which is even more sad...

It's "simp" like behaviour if:

1.

you are doing with expectation that you think you can trade favours for sex - this is not the same thing as sex through attraction

2.

you are giving a lot with no result to show for it - there are plenty stories of Onlyfan girls and their fans

3.

you are trading a lot for something so little that it puts her on a pedastal and are losing out

4.

your life revolves around her - it seems like you don't have an identity or life of your own

5.

you are trading your own self respect for her attention/sex

6.

you are being used for all the advantages that you can give, and you are being "sucked" dry (pun not intented, despite being appropriate)

First of all, none of the above is psychologically healthy for the guy. Second, girls who encourages the above behaviour tend to be toxic themselves and tend to be in need of psychological help. Third, it's completely one sided; that's never healthy in any relationship. Fourth, if you feel like you have to do favours or trade in stuff for sex, it's not genuine usually and it makes it seems like you're overcompensating.

This also applies if the women is the "victim" as opposed to the men.

A healthy relationship usually involves:

•

Sex due to genuine attraction and it's all natural

•

Both partners have almost equal say (but not so polar that it's like night and day)

•

Both parties can see each other for who they are without the rose tinted glasses

•

You never feel like you have to trade favours for anything (it's not a business deal)

•

Neither party is taking advantage of the other, respects each other, and put in equal effort

At least that's what the psychological textbook definition of a healthy relationship is. Ask any relationship expert or mental health practitioner, and you should get a similar response (I am not one just for reference).

Reply 2

StriderHort

21

Original post by Anonymous

People call others "simps" because they take special care of girls they like

Not what it means.

Reply 3

Admit-One

Universities Forum Helper

21

Not a fan of the term, but I agree it’s when you take fawning and pandering to excess, not just treating someone nicely.

There isn't necessarily anything wrong with doing something nice for someone (assuming you have entirely innocent motives) - but it is too easy to go overboard. You can show kindness towards someone without putting in any exceptional effort.

e.g. my (sick) girlfriend was so touched she cried when I woke-up her up with a mug of lemsip in bed yesterday morning. Not a special gesture by any means, I was already brewing the kettle for a cup of tea (and I told her as much), but she still felt this was thoughtful.

tl;dr: small/subtle gestures can have big impact. You don't need to go out of your way to make someone feel special. Especially if it is a girl you're not actually dating yet - big gestures can be interpreted as trying to "win" her affection or sexual favours.

(edited 1 year ago)

Reply 5

Dunnig Kruger

16

Original post by Anonymous

Why is this a "simp"?

If I like a girl, OFC I'm gonna do things for her that I'd not do for a random guy. What's wrong with that? if I like her, OFC I'd wanna have sex with her, what's wrong with that?

People call others "simps" because they take special care of girls they like. And some girls seem to agree and also call those guys "simps"... which is even more sad...

Because it's depriving her of the real life Mills and Boon romance novel that would enhance her life.

Because of the buyer seller dynamic.

Because of the provider frame vs the lover frame.

Because of what is most effective when it comes to attracting and keeping women.

Because relationships built on win-wins are stronger than those built on win-losses.

Because it's better to make your life easy. In this context that means that you and time spent with you is the prize. Because of the sort person you are. The sort of person you are to spend time with.
Imagine if Wembley Stadium started giving bribes or sweeteners to get people to attend football matches there. Make yourself the equivalent of Wembley Stadium on Cup Final day.

Reply 6

Old Skool Freak

20

Original post by Anonymous

Why is this a "simp"?

If I like a girl, OFC I'm gonna do things for her that I'd not do for a random guy. What's wrong with that? if I like her, OFC I'd wanna have sex with her, what's wrong with that?

People call others "simps" because they take special care of girls they like. And some girls seem to agree and also call those guys "simps"... which is even more sad...

I think the post from Anon #2 sums it up nicely. There's a huge difference between being nice because you genuinely think it's the right thing to do (this would apply to everyone), and being "nice" because you want the girl (or whoever you desire) to reward you in some way. The latter seems somewhat disingenuous IMHO.

This behaviour is often transparent, and unless there's a natural / mutual sense of attraction, it's off putting and either:-

a) you give off desperate or insincere vibes or
b) she users this to her advantage and you become a toy she cn wrap around her little finger (sometimes called "The Honey Trap").

Basically, physical attraction is a natural process (where you're attracted to the persons looks, personality / character or whatever); you shouldn't need to "force" it, or manipulate someone to trigger the attraction.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Anonymous

It's "simp" like behaviour if:

1.

you are doing with expectation that you think you can trade favours for sex - this is not the same thing as sex through attraction

2.

you are giving a lot with no result to show for it - there are plenty stories of Onlyfan girls and their fans

3.

you are trading a lot for something so little that it puts her on a pedastal and are losing out

4.

your life revolves around her - it seems like you don't have an identity or life of your own

5.

you are trading your own self respect for her attention/sex

6.

you are being used for all the advantages that you can give, and you are being "sucked" dry (pun not intented, despite being appropriate)

First of all, none of the above is psychologically healthy for the guy. Second, girls who encourages the above behaviour tend to be toxic themselves and tend to be in need of psychological help. Third, it's completely one sided; that's never healthy in any relationship. Fourth, if you feel like you have to do favours or trade in stuff for sex, it's not genuine usually and it makes it seems like you're overcompensating.

This also applies if the women is the "victim" as opposed to the men.

A healthy relationship usually involves:

•

Sex due to genuine attraction and it's all natural

•

Both partners have almost equal say (but not so polar that it's like night and day)

•

Both parties can see each other for who they are without the rose tinted glasses

•

You never feel like you have to trade favours for anything (it's not a business deal)

•

Neither party is taking advantage of the other, respects each other, and put in equal effort

At least that's what the psychological textbook definition of a healthy relationship is. Ask any relationship expert or mental health practitioner, and you should get a similar response (I am not one just for reference).

Aye those are sick behaviours but I have noticed there's no word for a woman does them. Like you say, Onlyfans girls who sell romance to their customers, telling them they are in love with them or they care about them or just intimate things. Those women are responsible but everyone's acting like it's just the "simps". They're usually desperate lonely men, you can exploit anyone in that condition.

I wasn't actually referring to such relationships like onlyfans girls or camgirls and so forth. But like rl girls most guys happen to like. But your post is very informative thanks.

Reply 8

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

Aye those are sick behaviours but I have noticed there's no word for a woman does them. Like you say, Onlyfans girls who sell romance to their customers, telling them they are in love with them or they care about them or just intimate things. Those women are responsible but everyone's acting like it's just the "simps". They're usually desperate lonely men, you can exploit anyone in that condition.

I wasn't actually referring to such relationships like onlyfans girls or camgirls and so forth. But like rl girls most guys happen to like. But your post is very informative thanks.

I have noticed there's no word for a woman does them
I think they are referred to as female simps. It's simping all the same.

Those women are responsible but everyone's acting like it's just the "simps"...I wasn't actually referring to such relationships like onlyfans girls or camgirls and so forth. But like rl girls most guys happen to like.
Irrespective of whether they're OF/Cam girls or not, the principle still applies. It doesn't matter what age, which period in time, the job, the genders, the type of "relationship", whether the girls are "real", etc. if the dynamics are way off balance/too one-sided, it's simping. For a lack of better term, it's like "relationship politics".

I would argue it doesn't necessarily just prone to lonely men, as opposed to anyone who is psychologically vulnerable and have weak boundaries. If you feel like you have to kiss up to a person, then it's not really a healthy relationship (dating, work, or otherwise).

Simping is a concept that has been ongoing for a long time prior to the introduction of OF. They have just recently termed the simping to refer to such behaviour in relationships.