Why do I get rejected by girls so much? Am I really unlovable ?

OP

Original post by ThatOldGuy

Nobody here knows. It might be the way you look, you might give off a skeevy vibe, or you may simply not have the ability to talk and flirt.

There's no shame in that, by the way. Nobody is born with the knowledge of how to flirt. You can get help, but we'd require massively more amounts of information in order to help you out.

I never really even interacted with girls in real life throughout most of my school days and most of my college days too because I was too shy near girls(I kinda still am) so obviously I don't know how to flirt and what to say and what not to say to girls. I am 22 who will be graduating college after 2 months but still completely inexperienced when it comes to dating and relationships. I pretty much didn't have a female friends except 1 or 2 female friends when I was in elementary school. I am average in looks tho and I am about 5'9(174-175 cm) in height.

Reply 3

Anonymous #2

I think I know why you are getting rejected although to be honest asking girls out on instagram or online is high risk for any guy so you should discount five of the seven rejections. It's the way you are approaching girls which sounds completely wrong. First of all, chatting to girls you don't know that well online is really a terrible way of getting to them romantically. Although some will chat with you online, a lot of them won't be comfortable meeting up with you romantically as they will feel scared. It also comes across a bit creepy to be honest. Second of all, you sound as though you are unrelaxed around girls. This is quite simply the worst way to be around girls as it creeps them out and comes over unconfident. If you want my advice you should put your phone down and go to places where girls are and you can talk to them in person. And when you meet them you should start by just hanging out with them as you would with your guy friends, just being completely normal with them, not throwing yourself at them, just hanging out and chilling with them and not expecting anything off of them. If there are good vibes coming off a girl you could then ask her out in person and not online. But that might take time as it takes time to get to know girls generally as they are mostly shy at first or have busy lives.

Reply 4

Angie D

1

Original post by Anonymous

I never really even interacted with girls in real life throughout most of my school days and most of my college days too because I was too shy near girls(I kinda still am) so obviously I don't know how to flirt and what to say and what not to say to girls. I am 22 who will be graduating college after 2 months but still completely inexperienced when it comes to dating and relationships. I pretty much didn't have a female friends except 1 or 2 female friends when I was in elementary school. I am average in looks tho and I am about 5'9(174-175 cm) in height.

Could be that you are below 6 foot, do you have a beard? Are you rich?

Reply 5

OP

Original post by Angie D

Could be that you are below 6 foot, do you have a beard? Are you rich?

In my country 5'9 is well above average and most girls are usually under 5'5 here. I don't keep beard and I am still a student living with parents so no I am not financially independent yet

Reply 6

OP

Original post by Anonymous

I think I know why you are getting rejected although to be honest asking girls out on instagram or online is high risk for any guy so you should discount five of the seven rejections. It's the way you are approaching girls which sounds completely wrong. First of all, chatting to girls you don't know that well online is really a terrible way of getting to them romantically. Although some will chat with you online, a lot of them won't be comfortable meeting up with you romantically as they will feel scared. It also comes across a bit creepy to be honest. Second of all, you sound as though you are unrelaxed around girls. This is quite simply the worst way to be around girls as it creeps them out and comes over unconfident. If you want my advice you should put your phone down and go to places where girls are and you can talk to them in person. And when you meet them you should start by just hanging out with them as you would with your guy friends, just being completely normal with them, not throwing yourself at them, just hanging out and chilling with them and not expecting anything off of them. If there are good vibes coming off a girl you could then ask her out in person and not online. But that might take time as it takes time to get to know girls generally as they are mostly shy at first or have busy lives.

I am actually from India. I know this is UK based site but I ask for dating advice here because reddit is really toxic and you can't provide details in Quora. So yeah i live in Bangalore in India and its a lot more risky to approach girls in India. Most Indian parents don't like it if their son or daughter has a girlfriend or boyfriend in school so many of us are inexperienced in it compared to Americans and Europeans. Most Indians usually start dating in college mainly in big cities like Bangalore where I live but shy guys have hard time. In India, a girl is much more likely to file a false harassment case if a random guy approach them that's why to avoid risk, I try to get to know girls online and then ask out one.

Reply 7

Zarek

21

Unless you’re in the very attractive set, rejection is common. And even attractive guys suffer blow outs too. Agree that a run of rejection is soul destroying though. The only thing to do is to take some learning from set backs and to keep going. Maybe get some advice from more successful friends as well. With resilience and tenacity something good will come up

Reply 8

If women are blocking you or saying they are not comfortable around you, then clearly you are doing something to cause that. Reflect on what you are doing to cause them to respond in such a way.

Reply 9

Anonymous #3

Original post by Crazed cat lady

If women are blocking you or saying they are not comfortable around you, then clearly you are doing something to cause that. Reflect on what you are doing to cause them to respond in such a way.

Yeah, he clearly doesn't have that nice dbaggy haircut, nice strong jawline and toned muscles and nice six pack am I right? If he had all those things women would feel very comfortable if not too comfortable if you get what I mean. It's amazing just how much a nice six pack can change a woman's mind.

Reply 10

Original post by Anonymous

Yeah, he clearly doesn't have that nice dbaggy haircut, nice strong jawline and toned muscles and nice six pack am I right? If he had all those things women would feel very comfortable if not too comfortable if you get what I mean. It's amazing just how much a nice six pack can change a woman's mind.

What are you prattling on about?

And while you may not be able to do much about your jawline, there is no reason why you can’t have a six pack and a terrible haircut. So get off your self-pitying backside and do something about it.

Reply 11

OP

Original post by Crazed cat lady

What are you prattling on about?

And while you may not be able to do much about your jawline, there is no reason why you can’t have a six pack and a terrible haircut. So get off your self-pitying backside and do something about it.

So you are another such girl who only likes good looking guys and treat us average looking guys like ****?

Reply 12

OP

Original post by Crazed cat lady

If women are blocking you or saying they are not comfortable around you, then clearly you are doing something to cause that. Reflect on what you are doing to cause them to respond in such a way.

I just compliment them and send them virtual hugs and they too used to say I was really sweet and cute but idk why they reject me when I ask them out. I was really upset yesterday after that girl rejected me so I sent her crying emojis saying she made me cry and also said her how much I started to like her and then she blocked me. I am 22 and never had a girlfriend and it sucks.

Original post by Anonymous

I just compliment them and send them virtual hugs and they too used to say I was really sweet and cute but idk why they reject me when I ask them out. I was really upset yesterday after that girl rejected me so I sent her crying emojis saying she made me cry and also said her how much I started to like her and then she blocked me. I am 22 and never had a girlfriend and it sucks.

You can't guilt trip a woman like that and then be surprised when she blocks you - of course she's going to block you! That's emotional manipulation and no woman will tolerate a man pulling that type of stunt on her. It's certainly never going to get you a date.

Don't hit on girls on social media. They aren't using Instagram to find boyfriends, so advances on there aren't going to be appreciated. If they are looking for a boyfriend and are open to finding one online then they'll use dedicated dating apps (e.g. Tinder) for that. You shouldn't chase a girl online unless it's on a dating app - if it's on a dating app then she is open to being approached by someone interested in her romantically/sexually. This approach is unsolicited on regular social media sites, where she's typically using them with a completely different purpose in mind (following her friends, artists, influencers, etc). If you use the wrong platform to approach women then of course your advances are unwanted and will result in rejection the majority of the time.

tl;dr - you're using the wrong platform to approach women, so you're positioning yourself in a way to receive a (perhaps disproportionately) high amount of rejections.

Reply 14

OP

Original post by 1582

You can't guilt trip a woman like that and then be surprised when she blocks you - of course she's going to block you! That's emotional manipulation and no woman will tolerate a man pulling that type of stunt on her. It's certainly never going to get you a date.

Don't hit on girls on social media. They aren't using Instagram to find boyfriends, so advances on there aren't going to be appreciated. If they are looking for a boyfriend and are open to finding one online then they'll use dedicated dating apps (e.g. Tinder) for that. You shouldn't chase a girl online unless it's on a dating app - if it's on a dating app then she is open to being approached by someone interested in her romantically/sexually. This approach is unsolicited on regular social media sites, where she's typically using them with a completely different purpose in mind (following her friends, artists, influencers, etc). If you use the wrong platform to approach women then of course your advances are unwanted and will result in rejection the majority of the time.

tl;dr - you're using the wrong platform to approach women, so you're positioning yourself in a way to receive a (perhaps disproportionately) high amount of rejections.

I have been using dating apps since June or July 2022 and even there I don't really get matches. I still managed to ask out 2 girls with whom I had a good chat but both unmatched me after that. Btw I am actually from India. I know this is UK based site but I ask for dating advice here because reddit is really toxic and you can't provide details in Quora. So yeah i live in Bangalore in India and its a lot more risky to approach girls in India. Most Indian parents don't like it if their son or daughter has a girlfriend or boyfriend in school so many of us are inexperienced in it compared to Americans and Europeans. Most Indians usually start dating in college mainly in big cities like Bangalore where I live but shy guys have hard time. In India, a girl is much more likely to file a false harassment case if a random guy approach them that's why to avoid risk, I try to get to know girls online and then ask out one.

Reply 15

Old Skool Freak

20

Original post by Anonymous

Yeah, he clearly doesn't have that nice dbaggy haircut, nice strong jawline and toned muscles and nice six pack am I right? If he had all those things women would feel very comfortable if not too comfortable if you get what I mean. It's amazing just how much a nice six pack can change a woman's mind.

Original post by Crazed cat lady

What are you prattling on about?

And while you may not be able to do much about your jawline, there is no reason why you can’t have a six pack and a terrible haircut. So get off your self-pitying backside and do something about it.

Original post by Anonymous

So you are another such girl who only likes good looking guys and treat us average looking guys like ****?

No!

She's saying if you know that girls are (supposedly) attracted to things like muscles and the latest snazzy hair cut, what is stopping you from working to achieve these things? ANYONE who is able-bodied can work to achieve an athletic physique, if they wanted it bad enough; granted, it may be harder work for some people than others, but they can achieve it if they put the work in (the reward of all that "punnani" should be a strong enough incentive, no?).

And for guys, a good haircut rarely costs more than £20... you probably spend more on your monthly subscriptions to your gaming / porn sites, or whatever self-indulgence takes your fancy.

The truth is, with a lot of people, the issue just laziness and a sense of entitlement.

When a sailing ship is in a stormy sea, there are three types of people:-

1) The pessimist complains about the weather
2) The optimist hopes the weather will change
3) The leader adjusts the sails

Original post by Crazed cat lady

If women are blocking you or saying they are not comfortable around you, then clearly you are doing something to cause that. Reflect on what you are doing to cause them to respond in such a way.

PROSM!

If you're getting blown out by literally EVERY girl you encounter, then you're clearly doing something wrong. It's normally either:-
a) going for the wrong kind of girls or
b) approaching in a manner that puts you in a bad light.

Original post by Anonymous

I just compliment them and send them virtual hugs and they too used to say I was really sweet and cute but idk why they reject me when I ask them out. I was really upset yesterday after that girl rejected me so I sent her crying emojis saying she made me cry and also said her how much I started to like her and then she blocked me. I am 22 and never had a girlfriend and it sucks.

TBH, I'm not surprised you're getting rejected / blocked with that approach... sounds like you're trying too hard, and you're showing signs of desperation, neediness and self pity. All of that is extremely off putting. Words like sweet and cute are what they would use to describe a puppy, so I doubt there was any real attraction. You've probably blown any chance you had with that girl now, as she just sees you as a sap who can't handle rejection that you've resorted to guilt tripping her to making her reconsider (that's proper cringe man, and would send alarm bells ringing). There's a chance it may have been just your timing or approach that put her off and you may have stood another chance later on. We all get rejected in life, so next time just suck it up, lick your wounds in private and move on to the next girl (given the population of India, there should be plenty of others lol).

How many times do you hear that girls like guys who listen to them? So maybe try reading her bio / blog or whatever cr*p she posts about herself, and comment on those things? IF she mentions any hobbies, interests etc. then build on that... on the other hand, if she's gone to a lot of effort to how she looks, maybe comment on specific aspects of her outfit.

Reply 16

Original post by Anonymous

I just compliment them and send them virtual hugs and they too used to say I was really sweet and cute but idk why they reject me when I ask them out. I was really upset yesterday after that girl rejected me so I sent her crying emojis saying she made me cry and also said her how much I started to like her and then she blocked me. I am 22 and never had a girlfriend and it sucks.

That sounds like love bombing. That may not have been your intention but could easily be interpreted as such.

Showering women with compliments is not a great strategy to encourage them to go out with you. Demonstrating that you are good fun to be around, are good to talk to, etc. is a far better approach.

My consistent message on threads like these is get out and socialise. This allows people to see that you are good to be around and that is how relationships happen organically. It is far more likely to result in success than asking people out over Instagram.

Reply 17