Never been in a relationship as a 19 year old
That’s all there is to it I’ve never been in a relationship, the probalme is I do have anxiety but it’s not that I don’t speak to people they just never seem to give me the same energy back which is hurtful. I could speak to people online but then the problem is they would want to see what I look like which in terrified of doing because I believe I have self esteem issues with having gone a whole 19 years without male attention and it breaks me up inside every night that I read about teenage love but have never and will probably never experience the love that I read in books. I know that people are in the same situation but it’s just hurts to constantly feel like I have no self worth. An example is there was joking among friends that a guy likes me but I don’t like him and I know he doesn’t like me in that way but he can go to another girl and speaks about other girls I can’t do that because I have no guys willing to like me or love me. I don’t know what I’m asking for when I write this, I think I just want to put it out there.
idk if you wanted advice or not, but I kinda understand what you’re going through. here’s the thing: as cliché as it sounds, you can’t expect someone to love you or value you if u don’t love or value yourself. you have to start by knowing that your worth isn’t dependent on anyone else. ik it’s easier said than done, and u might wonder why then if you’re worthy don’t guys like you? I mean I don’t have the answers for that either, but sometimes guys are after different kinds of stuff that they don’t see you as having. but that’s their problem, and you’re better off without those kinda guys.
so to start improving your self esteem, there’s a few things you can do:
again, all these is easier said than done and it’s a work in progress for me too. but don’t let the lack of guys in your life ruin it. sooner or later someone who will see your worth will come along. xx
so to start improving your self esteem, there’s a few things you can do:
•
take care of yourself, tidy yourself up, dress nicely
•
stop fixating and stressing and overthinking about boys and teen romance. concentrate on other stuff individual to yourself as a person like hobbies, school, friendships, family
•
remember that if people don’t value you, it’s a reflection of themselves, not of your worth. don’t settle for les
again, all these is easier said than done and it’s a work in progress for me too. but don’t let the lack of guys in your life ruin it. sooner or later someone who will see your worth will come along. xx
"...having gone a whole 19 years without male attention..." You wanted to date as a toddler?
Seriously, you've gone a couple of years without dating and that's normal. I didn't date until I was several years into working after uni; that date is now my boyfriend. There's plenty of time for you.
Anyway, books generally aren't realistic about love; it's usually boy meets girl, boy and girl have Big Misunderstanding due to *****y ex and lack of communication, boy and girl straighten things out. They don't show the bits about the toilet seat being left up or who puts the greasy empty pizza boxes in the bin, because who wants to read about the unglamorous side of life? But that's reality.
Seriously, you've gone a couple of years without dating and that's normal. I didn't date until I was several years into working after uni; that date is now my boyfriend. There's plenty of time for you.
Anyway, books generally aren't realistic about love; it's usually boy meets girl, boy and girl have Big Misunderstanding due to *****y ex and lack of communication, boy and girl straighten things out. They don't show the bits about the toilet seat being left up or who puts the greasy empty pizza boxes in the bin, because who wants to read about the unglamorous side of life? But that's reality.
Original post by Surnia
"...having gone a whole 19 years without male attention..." You wanted to date as a toddler?
Seriously, you've gone a couple of years without dating and that's normal. I didn't date until I was several years into working after uni; that date is now my boyfriend. There's plenty of time for you.
Anyway, books generally aren't realistic about love; it's usually boy meets girl, boy and girl have Big Misunderstanding due to *****y ex and lack of communication, boy and girl straighten things out. They don't show the bits about the toilet seat being left up or who puts the greasy empty pizza boxes in the bin, because who wants to read about the unglamorous side of life? But that's reality.
Seriously, you've gone a couple of years without dating and that's normal. I didn't date until I was several years into working after uni; that date is now my boyfriend. There's plenty of time for you.
Anyway, books generally aren't realistic about love; it's usually boy meets girl, boy and girl have Big Misunderstanding due to *****y ex and lack of communication, boy and girl straighten things out. They don't show the bits about the toilet seat being left up or who puts the greasy empty pizza boxes in the bin, because who wants to read about the unglamorous side of life? But that's reality.
It sometimes doesn’t feel like it when I’m at Uni and surrounded by people who are dating, it just makes me feel kinda worthless as a person. For the book thing I do get what your saying but I read mostly romantasy and it does give me unrealistic views but it would just be nice for someone to think about me and not be viewed as a second option
Original post by Anonymous #1
That’s all there is to it I’ve never been in a relationship, the probalme is I do have anxiety but it’s not that I don’t speak to people they just never seem to give me the same energy back which is hurtful. I could speak to people online but then the problem is they would want to see what I look like which in terrified of doing because I believe I have self esteem issues with having gone a whole 19 years without male attention and it breaks me up inside every night that I read about teenage love but have never and will probably never experience the love that I read in books. I know that people are in the same situation but it’s just hurts to constantly feel like I have no self worth. An example is there was joking among friends that a guy likes me but I don’t like him and I know he doesn’t like me in that way but he can go to another girl and speaks about other girls I can’t do that because I have no guys willing to like me or love me. I don’t know what I’m asking for when I write this, I think I just want to put it out there.
I understand this 100%. i have the same thing going on. I can never connect with someone. People will always say how it doesn't matter and i know that, but its the feeling of always being unloved that never leaves. People will say that being in a relationship doesn't define ur self worth and while thats true, never being in one can make you feel like love isnt for you - that you are worthless to others. I understand but I'm sure that there is someone out there. Just know that you're not alone and i'm sure your lovely. Don't force yourself to be in a relationship, the right person will come
I'm really sorry to hear you're dealing with this, buddy. Trust me, I've been there! I just want to share a little nugget of wisdom with you.
The key here is about motivation - why do you want to be in a relationship? Is it because it's what society expects? Or something you read in a book? It's all societal pressure, my friend. It's perfectly fine to never date or be in a relationship. And if you're counting on dating someone to boost your self-esteem - it won't. Maybe it'll give you a bit of a confidence rush, but that's not going to last once you start questioning whether they truly like you, or whether they might cheat on you.
You've already identified self-esteem as an issue, which is a big step. I know it's easy for me to say from the outside, but working on your self-esteem on your own or with a pro could really help. I'm also working on my self-esteem, and I consider my achievement to be reducing my dependence on the opinions of others, I am who I am, I will not adapt to society and its stereotypes.
PS. You shouldn't rush to find a relationship because at this age you can meet a partner who can harm you both psychologically and physically. That's why sometimes it's better to remain the same "adult child" for society.
The key here is about motivation - why do you want to be in a relationship? Is it because it's what society expects? Or something you read in a book? It's all societal pressure, my friend. It's perfectly fine to never date or be in a relationship. And if you're counting on dating someone to boost your self-esteem - it won't. Maybe it'll give you a bit of a confidence rush, but that's not going to last once you start questioning whether they truly like you, or whether they might cheat on you.
You've already identified self-esteem as an issue, which is a big step. I know it's easy for me to say from the outside, but working on your self-esteem on your own or with a pro could really help. I'm also working on my self-esteem, and I consider my achievement to be reducing my dependence on the opinions of others, I am who I am, I will not adapt to society and its stereotypes.
PS. You shouldn't rush to find a relationship because at this age you can meet a partner who can harm you both psychologically and physically. That's why sometimes it's better to remain the same "adult child" for society.
Original post by Anonymous #1
That’s all there is to it I’ve never been in a relationship, the probalme is I do have anxiety but it’s not that I don’t speak to people they just never seem to give me the same energy back which is hurtful. I could speak to people online but then the problem is they would want to see what I look like which in terrified of doing because I believe I have self esteem issues with having gone a whole 19 years without male attention and it breaks me up inside every night that I read about teenage love but have never and will probably never experience the love that I read in books. I know that people are in the same situation but it’s just hurts to constantly feel like I have no self worth. An example is there was joking among friends that a guy likes me but I don’t like him and I know he doesn’t like me in that way but he can go to another girl and speaks about other girls I can’t do that because I have no guys willing to like me or love me. I don’t know what I’m asking for when I write this, I think I just want to put it out there.
start worrying past 25
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