How can I be less of a people pleaser and more myself?
I've been thinking about this a lot recently and it's something I really want to change.
There have been so many situations throughout my life where I haven't said what I've really thought or have maybe even lied, to either avoid confrontation or offending someone in any way. For example, I used to work closely with a colleague on creating classes and he would quite often change what I had come up with and make it worse, in my opinion. It used to annoy the hell out of me but I never said anything, only "yeah, that's fine." I feel like years of this has now made it where I really don't feel like I'm being my true self. I overthink all the time and care far too much about what others think about me. (this is not to say that I'm a horrible person, I am always very pleasant to people and never deliberately rude)
How can I start trying to change this?
There have been so many situations throughout my life where I haven't said what I've really thought or have maybe even lied, to either avoid confrontation or offending someone in any way. For example, I used to work closely with a colleague on creating classes and he would quite often change what I had come up with and make it worse, in my opinion. It used to annoy the hell out of me but I never said anything, only "yeah, that's fine." I feel like years of this has now made it where I really don't feel like I'm being my true self. I overthink all the time and care far too much about what others think about me. (this is not to say that I'm a horrible person, I am always very pleasant to people and never deliberately rude)
How can I start trying to change this?
Original post by Anonymous
I've been thinking about this a lot recently and it's something I really want to change.
There have been so many situations throughout my life where I haven't said what I've really thought or have maybe even lied, to either avoid confrontation or offending someone in any way. For example, I used to work closely with a colleague on creating classes and he would quite often change what I had come up with and make it worse, in my opinion. It used to annoy the hell out of me but I never said anything, only "yeah, that's fine." I feel like years of this has now made it where I really don't feel like I'm being my true self. I overthink all the time and care far too much about what others think about me. (this is not to say that I'm a horrible person, I am always very pleasant to people and never deliberately rude)
How can I start trying to change this?
There have been so many situations throughout my life where I haven't said what I've really thought or have maybe even lied, to either avoid confrontation or offending someone in any way. For example, I used to work closely with a colleague on creating classes and he would quite often change what I had come up with and make it worse, in my opinion. It used to annoy the hell out of me but I never said anything, only "yeah, that's fine." I feel like years of this has now made it where I really don't feel like I'm being my true self. I overthink all the time and care far too much about what others think about me. (this is not to say that I'm a horrible person, I am always very pleasant to people and never deliberately rude)
How can I start trying to change this?
Yeh I also do the same things u do as-well and feel about it the same way, but I have gotten a bit better by sometimes by just not caring about the other person as in reality it is not fair for you to just sit back and let the other take control. Of course that does not mean raising your voice or putting on a angry tone but if you just re-explain to them still in a calm manner and emphasise your point, Im sure more people will listen. Also no shame in asking the person why they don't accept what u say and it could be down to just a really annoying person because Im sure you urself is not the problem, its just what you think in your head.
I kind of think my advice is trash but cus i went through the same things as you and still do, I thought I would like to say something. Remember even if its hard, confidence is key too.
Sometimes the things we avoid doing are what we really have to do!! What I mean is, being assertive, setting boundaries, not always agreeing is hard for some people (myself included). So we have to be brave and just practice. It gets easier the more you do it. The alternative is a loss of self. I also remind myself that people pleasing is a form of manipulation. Not everyone has to like me so why do i fake being nice and agree all the time. Self compassion and not being hard all the time on myself helps too.
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