how to deal with these types of ppl?

Original post by hurtinguser

i currently go to secondary school & ppl keep being mean to me and i feel like the school has a 0 bullying tolerance but it still happens, tbh i don't know what to do anymore
i've tried telling someone but feeling like it doesn't help

Who did you tell, and how did you go about it?

Want to talk about it?
If you don't mind talking to a teacher
1. Write down everything that's happened
2. Ask to see a teacher after school or at a breaktime in a way which is clear you want to talk for more than five minutes.
3. Before you start going into the specifics of what's happened, ask clearly: "Lately I've been feeling really horrible in school. People keep being mean to me, and I'd like your advice — is it bullying, and if it is, what should I do? and if it's not, what's the best thing for me to do so I don't feel so bad all the time." You don't have to use that wording exactly, but make sure you make it clear you don't want sympathy, you want something to happen either with the school making a response or you doing something so you don't stay feeling the same way.
4. Depending on what the teacher asks, you can talk about what's been happening.

If you'd rather not speak in person
1. Write down everything that's happened
2. Email your favourite teacher: "Hi Sir/Miss. Lately I've been feeling really horrible in school — people keep being mean to me, and I don't know if it's bullying or something else I should work out. Would you mind giving me some advice (I can give more details, I just wanted to ask first), or pointing me in the direction of someone who would be able to help? I'd rather speak over email, but if necessary I can talk in person."

In the meantime…
I like Meheraj's advice commented below:

Original post by Meheraj

Since you're not getting any help, the best possible thing you can do is make yourself mentally so strong that others' words can't break you or hurt your emotions. In a nutshell, just don't give **** about those people and enjoy your life. When you do this, they'll be exhausted after a certain period and will stop everything on their own.

Remember that you are worthy of respect. It's okay to feel sad when people upset you, but it's obviously not what you want — so consider if you'd be better off showing yourself the respect you deserve by choosing to leave a friend group. I've found that being by myself for a little while is less lonely than being in a friend group where nobody likes each other — but it seems from your post that the people who are mean to you aren't your friends.

Figure out from what people are saying to you. If people's comments are directed at things outside of your control or which do not affect them directly (appearance, clothes you wear, body you're in including size weight and height), that is outright nasty and you are completely right for leaving it. However, if what people say to you seems to be about your behaviour or how you act, it could be worth you looking at yourself in more detail: while you should never cave to bullies or assume they are right, it's never a bad idea to figure out who you want to be as a person, and consider if people's comments are a rude way of them saying they'd appreciate you doing something differently. You don't owe it to bullies to change however — do what you think is best.

Reply 3

Meheraj

19

Original post by squidrangle

Who did you tell, and how did you go about it?

Want to talk about it?
If you don't mind talking to a teacher
1. Write down everything that's happened
2. Ask to see a teacher after school or at a breaktime in a way which is clear you want to talk for more than five minutes.
3. Before you start going into the specifics of what's happened, ask clearly: "Lately I've been feeling really horrible in school. People keep being mean to me, and I'd like your advice — is it bullying, and if it is, what should I do? and if it's not, what's the best thing for me to do so I don't feel so bad all the time." You don't have to use that wording exactly, but make sure you make it clear you don't want sympathy, you want something to happen either with the school making a response or you doing something so you don't stay feeling the same way.
4. Depending on what the teacher asks, you can talk about what's been happening.

If you'd rather not speak in person
1. Write down everything that's happened
2. Email your favourite teacher: "Hi Sir/Miss. Lately I've been feeling really horrible in school — people keep being mean to me, and I don't know if it's bullying or something else I should work out. Would you mind giving me some advice (I can give more details, I just wanted to ask first), or pointing me in the direction of someone who would be able to help? I'd rather speak over email, but if necessary I can talk in person."

In the meantime…
I like Meheraj's advice commented below:

Remember that you are worthy of respect. It's okay to feel sad when people upset you, but it's obviously not what you want — so consider if you'd be better off showing yourself the respect you deserve by choosing to leave a friend group. I've found that being by myself for a little while is less lonely than being in a friend group where nobody likes each other — but it seems from your post that the people who are mean to you aren't your friends.

Figure out from what people are saying to you. If people's comments are directed at things outside of your control or which do not affect them directly (appearance, clothes you wear, body you're in including size weight and height), that is outright nasty and you are completely right for leaving it. However, if what people say to you seems to be about your behaviour or how you act, it could be worth you looking at yourself in more detail: while you should never cave to bullies or assume they are right, it's never a bad idea to figure out who you want to be as a person, and consider if people's comments are a rude way of them saying they'd appreciate you doing something differently. You don't owe it to bullies to change however — do what you think is best.

Such a valuable and time-worthy post. Thanks @squidrangle! Would really help those people who deal with such vile behaviour from some classless people. Also, cheers that you liked my advice! :smile:

Reply 4

Original post by Meheraj

Such a valuable and time-worthy post. Thanks @squidrangle! Would really help those people who deal with such vile behaviour from some classless people. Also, cheers that you liked my advice! :smile:

Aw thanks!

Reply 5

Original post by hurtinguser

i currently go to secondary school & ppl keep being mean to me and i feel like the school has a 0 bullying tolerance but it still happens, tbh i don't know what to do anymore
i've tried telling someone but feeling like it doesn't help

I recommend beating the crap out of these people. happened to me once, people thought they could bully me but I showed them other wise, they never bothered me again

Reply 6

Original post by B7861

I recommend beating the crap out of these people. happened to me once, people thought they could bully me but I showed them other wise, they never bothered me again

I'm glad it helped you, but I wouldn't advise it because you'll just get a bullying or behaviour report aimed at you with some clear evidence 😶 do what works I guess?

Reply 7

Original post by squidrangle

I'm glad it helped you, but I wouldn't advise it because you'll just get a bullying or behaviour report aimed at you with some clear evidence 😶 do what works I guess?

listen schools are messed up, you tell a teacher an they won't do anything cause they're useless. but unless you use some force that's when the teachers come after you and you get the blame. that's why take it into your owns hands.

ill give an example of what happened to me ones

was playing football in school once in pe and I was tackling someone, this person barged into me and they walked their hand in my face, but I know this was unintentional. after the match he comes to me and says that I bit him and tells the whole class and everyone there that I bit him and I told him that I didn't and I apologised. I stayed quiet and then at lunch time he did it again saying are you still hungry, you bit me. but I still left it. then in lesson after lunch he said it again as I was walking into class when he was sat down, I had already given him two chances and I went up to him saying if he's got a problem lets sort it out right now outside the class room. this is when he shut up and never said anything to me again

so if anyones bullying you stand up for yourself, these type of people have probably never been confronted and on the inside are little b*****

Reply 8

You still get the blame? I think it's good that being forceful has helped you, but it's not something which applies to everyone. Your example makes sense because in the first place it was someone being physical and agressive, but I don't think rugby tackling people works if they've just been mean. From @hurtinguser's description, it sounds like things which could just be misunderstanding, and at worst is malicious people. I agree the type of people who bully are often insecure and unconfronted, but in being agressive you risk being a bully yourself and risk not much good happening: just teachers less likely to listen to you when you do have a concern, consequences in terms of punishment (which you might not have had, but the original poster might have) and also social consequences from being agressive. And also — it depends on being good at fighting! It sounds like you're great at it but we're not all that lucky 🫠

I still stand by really pushing for someone inside school to do something, but I think what you've said isn't all wrong — just not best suited to this specific scenario.

Reply 9

Original post by squidrangle

You still get the blame? I think it's good that being forceful has helped you, but it's not something which applies to everyone. Your example makes sense because in the first place it was someone being physical and agressive, but I don't think rugby tackling people works if they've just been mean. From @hurtinguser's description, it sounds like things which could just be misunderstanding, and at worst is malicious people. I agree the type of people who bully are often insecure and unconfronted, but in being agressive you risk being a bully yourself and risk not much good happening: just teachers less likely to listen to you when you do have a concern, consequences in terms of punishment (which you might not have had, but the original poster might have) and also social consequences from being agressive. And also — it depends on being good at fighting! It sounds like you're great at it but we're not all that lucky 🫠

I still stand by really pushing for someone inside school to do something, but I think what you've said isn't all wrong — just not best suited to this specific scenario.

I do undertsand what you're saying but being aggressive is not being a bully. im not neccesserily saying to beat this person all im saying is confront them. im generally a calm person but if people annoy me repeatedly I give them chances before confronting them by staying quite. confronting them will not get you into any trouble and will not make you a bully, if they decide to get violent with you physically that's when you can defend yourself and tell teachers.

Reply 10

hurtinguser

OP

13

Original post by squidrangle

You still get the blame? I think it's good that being forceful has helped you, but it's not something which applies to everyone. Your example makes sense because in the first place it was someone being physical and agressive, but I don't think rugby tackling people works if they've just been mean. From @hurtinguser's description, it sounds like things which could just be misunderstanding, and at worst is malicious people. I agree the type of people who bully are often insecure and unconfronted, but in being agressive you risk being a bully yourself and risk not much good happening: just teachers less likely to listen to you when you do have a concern, consequences in terms of punishment (which you might not have had, but the original poster might have) and also social consequences from being agressive. And also — it depends on being good at fighting! It sounds like you're great at it but we're not all that lucky 🫠

I still stand by really pushing for someone inside school to do something, but I think what you've said isn't all wrong — just not best suited to this specific scenario.

tbh whenever i'm being picked on at school, i tend to just stay quiet as im sensitive e.g a few boys kicking my bag as they walk past me but also a few times i have told ppl to stop
but i feel that the ppl who pick on me and say mean things, are doing it to impress their friends, so that they can think im weak/not capable to standing up for myself

(edited 11 months ago)

Reply 11

Original post by hurtinguser

tbh whenever i'm being picked on at school, i tend to just stay quiet as im sensitive e.g a few boys kicking my bag as they walk past me but also a few times i have told ppl to stop
but i feel that the ppl who pick on me and say mean things, are doing it to impress their friends, so that they can think im weak/not capable to standing up for myself

mate all the people who messed with me thought the same, just because I never messed around in school and I was good in my subjects they though I was some quite kid that can't do anything, but like I said I stood up for myself

Reply 12

Original post by B7861

I do undertsand what you're saying but being aggressive is not being a bully. im not neccesserily saying to beat this person all im saying is confront them. im generally a calm person but if people annoy me repeatedly I give them chances before confronting them by staying quite. confronting them will not get you into any trouble and will not make you a bully, if they decide to get violent with you physically that's when you can defend yourself and tell teachers.

That's a good idea, and makes more sense now you've explained it to me! You're right, people being violent to you makes it easier to flag in the way schools work (annoying). Confrontation is good if you're up to it, and sometimes just talking to them helps (but definitely not always.) I like what you're saying!

(edited 11 months ago)

Reply 13

Original post by hurtinguser

tbh whenever i'm being picked on at school, i tend to just stay quiet as im sensitive e.g a few boys kicking my bag as they walk past me but also a few times i have told ppl to stop
but i feel that the ppl who pick on me and say mean things, are doing it to impress their friends, so that they can think im weak/not capable to standing up for myself

It's good you've told them to stop — it takes away an excuse that they 'didn't know you didn't like it'. I've been in a similar position before, and honestly don't remember how I dealt with it. I would class it as bullying, but doubt the school would be able to do much due to a) the way they record things b) the fact it's a group c) the fact it's small agressions not a big fight. It doesn't hurt to try and talk to a teacher with the advice I set out above, in the meantime just ignore it whenever you can and distance yourself. The best thing you can do is remain confident, and keep your head up!

Reply 14

Meheraj

19

Original post by squidrangle

Aw thanks!

Anytime!

Reply 15

hurtinguser

OP

13

Original post by squidrangle

It's good you've told them to stop — it takes away an excuse that they 'didn't know you didn't like it'. I've been in a similar position before, and honestly don't remember how I dealt with it. I would class it as bullying, but doubt the school would be able to do much due to a) the way they record things b) the fact it's a group c) the fact it's small agressions not a big fight. It doesn't hurt to try and talk to a teacher with the advice I set out above, in the meantime just ignore it whenever you can and distance yourself. The best thing you can do is remain confident, and keep your head up!

thank you

Reply 16

Original post by hurtinguser

thank you

Good luck, @hurtinguser. You can do it!

Reply 17

Anonymous #1

Original post by hurtinguser

i currently go to secondary school & ppl keep being mean to me and i feel like the school has a 0 bullying tolerance but it still happens, tbh i don't know what to do anymore
i've tried telling someone but feeling like it doesn't help

Forget the school staff, their actions and words will not fix anything.

16 here, Y12 IBDP.

Become a frickin Churchillian. Do not let such people affect you. It is all the play of the mind. Make yourself so goddamn strong that even people will bow to you for your courage and determination and steadfast strength. Your enemies will remain, but in your mind they will become non existent. You will become free. You will become everyone's ray of courage, a symbol of resistance, determination and idomitable will.

Let me tell you a little something. Bullying is so widespread that it has sadly become impossible to contain. So we must take matters into our own hands. And we must be resilient to ourselves. Show you are Thor/Hulk/whatever you fancy, a man of steel. Show from your attitude, and actions, that you will neither give up or give in. You will not surrender to the overwhelming might of your enemies. You single handedly will defeat all your lines of foes. You will be the last person standing to be victorious. You are a goddamn army yourself. You will use all your might to sustain yourself. And even when things are at the worst point, you will still shine like gold. No matter how many rocks are thrown at you, you will put each and every one of them to the side. You will not let your bullies stop you from achieving your life goals and aspirations. You will not let anyone take precedence in your life. You shall become the master of your own destiny. Do not yield. Never. No matter what. You do not need anyone's company. All you need, is you. You show that by your actions to everyone, and no dark force will ever take control of you, I give this in print. Your enemies will rue the day they messed with you. Become such a powerful magnamaious and reignited unparalleled force, that even God cannot stop you.

I have done a few *****y things in life, but everyone massively appreciates me for my courage and indomitable will to never give up. Even my parents are shocked by my own determination and courage. I will never be dettered in life. Ever. And no one will come between me and my goals. If they do, remove that distraction. People will manipulate people. We will throw stones at each other when one is advancing. We will throw stones at each other when we discover each other's past. But you either throw the stone back, or you become a Churchillian and deflect it in the vastly different coordinate.

I hope, my post has been motivating and of some help.

Reply 18