Doubting my Sexuality??

Hi so I've been doubting my sexuality for years. Do any of you have a similar experience? I'm a girl and fully comfortable with my gender but I have a maculine style. I've never been in a relationship, I don't know what I want out of one.

I had "crushes on guys" but I've realised recently it was admiration and jealousy. A couple of days ago I was thinking about a guy who I used to like, he's nice to look at but I realised that I think I wanted to BE LIKE him, not BE WITH him if that makes sense. I wish I had his confidence, charisma and intelligence. When I told him I liked him I didn't really have any kind of expectations, I just really wanted to get to know him better. I thought admiration=attraction

Trying to tell the difference between platonic attraction and romantic is difficult. Some guys are really pretty to look at but I don't have any strong feelings about the typically "attractive men" online or in photos. There are some features on men like brown eyes, broad shoulders, nice chest which I can't tell I'm attracted to or just think look good. A female physique always seems a lot more beautiful but idk if thats bias since I'm already female and am familar with. On the other hand there are some women who I can definetely say are pretty in a non-romantic way but there's others which I'm drawn to.

When I was a young kid thinking back how I felt about some girls was quite odd. I had a close female friend who was pretty. I loved being around her and I would get butterflies. I remember feeling really sad one day wishing that if things were different and I was a guy I would date her (I didn't know about wlw relationships). When playing with dolls and action figures with other kids I would typically play a male character in love with a female character.

I'm trying to figure myself out, anyone have any similar experiences?

Reply 1

SomeonesDad

Wow, that's a lot packed in there ...
Firstly (as you may have gathered from my username) this is coming from the perspective of someone with children in teens/20s rather than first-hand. It may be helpful, I hope so.

Feeling confused/curious isn't unusual. Hormones coursing through your veins will make life strange just at the time when you think you should be making confident decisions about your future. Other people's views on social media telling you that you should identify one way or the other don't help either. We are all individuals and the way that we react emotionally to any situation or stimulus will be individual too. Your personality and your outlook on life will be influenced by the way that you have grown up over the years, what you have read, what you have seen and things you have done & experienced. Celebrate that individuality.

Starting with what you'd like from a relationship: No-one can tell you this, but there are some common traits - to feel appreciated, to feel special and to reciprocate. To feel that you trust the other person, not to betray you and to hold your confidences. To have fun and a laugh. Not always to be deep & meaningful but on occasion silly & daft too. Maybe to share some similar views about the world, and politics (but accepting that these may change over time) but not necessarily identical so you have things to discuss and explore. Sharing other values like travel, fashion etc. also creates a bond. The idea being that, after trial and error, you eventually discover someone who makes you feel complete and the two of you become more of a "one".
You'll need to also think about exclusivity and/or multiple partners and be sure that everyone is on the same page (and not just pay lip service to it) otherwise jealousies will creep in.

It's often said that we are on a sexual spectrum with many more women being open to same-sex relationships than men. Physically, FF can be far more sensual than MF (not always, it depends on your lover and how well you communicate about what makes you feel good and how much you want to give pleasure to each other rather than just receive) but there's nothing to say that you can't have multiple goes with different partners (taking the relevant precautions) to find where your preferences lie.

Life is an adventure. Take a few risks, get hurt, learn from the mistakes and get better next time. Have an idea of the destination you want to reach, but don't be afraid to go off the map occasionally - you might take a path that leads to a dead end or you might discover Shangri-La !

Good luck