Too risky to try a relationship?
So my situation is that I live in Wales with a small terrace house all paid up for. I bought it a few years ago when house prices were much cheaper than now. So I'm in the lucky situation of no mortgage. However, it's a relatively small house (3 small bedrooms, etc) but its in a relatively nice area near a nice country market town.
So my situation is, do I risk getting into a relationship?
Being a guy if I marry a girl and later divorce after five years she gets half of the house. If I have kids with her it's even worse, she gets the lot even though the house is in my name it all gets signed over to her. I lose both my home and my family (the kids). That essentially puts me on the streets or if I'm lucky in a bedsit renting. So that's a big risk to take as it could make my life a while lot worse than it is now.
Myself, I don't see myself as that big a prize to females as otherwise I would have dated far more than I have done. I'm a 6ft average build guy with a good crop of hair and average looking. However, while I don't like arguments I wouldn't say I excell at getting on with people. My ability to entertain others is I think reasonably limited. The right woman might be ok with but I fear most women might get fed up after a while. Difficult to say but I think that would be the case. So for me I'm thinking that it could just be far too risky to try getting into a relationship, casual dating ok but that would be the limit. Just wondering how others might assess the situation, is it just to risky to try?
So my situation is, do I risk getting into a relationship?
Being a guy if I marry a girl and later divorce after five years she gets half of the house. If I have kids with her it's even worse, she gets the lot even though the house is in my name it all gets signed over to her. I lose both my home and my family (the kids). That essentially puts me on the streets or if I'm lucky in a bedsit renting. So that's a big risk to take as it could make my life a while lot worse than it is now.
Myself, I don't see myself as that big a prize to females as otherwise I would have dated far more than I have done. I'm a 6ft average build guy with a good crop of hair and average looking. However, while I don't like arguments I wouldn't say I excell at getting on with people. My ability to entertain others is I think reasonably limited. The right woman might be ok with but I fear most women might get fed up after a while. Difficult to say but I think that would be the case. So for me I'm thinking that it could just be far too risky to try getting into a relationship, casual dating ok but that would be the limit. Just wondering how others might assess the situation, is it just to risky to try?
Interesting that you are viewing your potential future relationship as doomed.
You could always have a prenup to secure the house.
Do you want a relationship? If not just stick to casually dating and see hat happens. IF you do, then there will always be risks to take, that's just part of life.
You could always have a prenup to secure the house.
Do you want a relationship? If not just stick to casually dating and see hat happens. IF you do, then there will always be risks to take, that's just part of life.
Original post by Anonymous
So my situation is that I live in Wales with a small terrace house all paid up for. I bought it a few years ago when house prices were much cheaper than now. So I'm in the lucky situation of no mortgage. However, it's a relatively small house (3 small bedrooms, etc) but its in a relatively nice area near a nice country market town.
So my situation is, do I risk getting into a relationship?
Being a guy if I marry a girl and later divorce after five years she gets half of the house. If I have kids with her it's even worse, she gets the lot even though the house is in my name it all gets signed over to her. I lose both my home and my family (the kids). That essentially puts me on the streets or if I'm lucky in a bedsit renting. So that's a big risk to take as it could make my life a while lot worse than it is now.
Myself, I don't see myself as that big a prize to females as otherwise I would have dated far more than I have done. I'm a 6ft average build guy with a good crop of hair and average looking. However, while I don't like arguments I wouldn't say I excell at getting on with people. My ability to entertain others is I think reasonably limited. The right woman might be ok with but I fear most women might get fed up after a while. Difficult to say but I think that would be the case. So for me I'm thinking that it could just be far too risky to try getting into a relationship, casual dating ok but that would be the limit. Just wondering how others might assess the situation, is it just to risky to try?
So my situation is, do I risk getting into a relationship?
Being a guy if I marry a girl and later divorce after five years she gets half of the house. If I have kids with her it's even worse, she gets the lot even though the house is in my name it all gets signed over to her. I lose both my home and my family (the kids). That essentially puts me on the streets or if I'm lucky in a bedsit renting. So that's a big risk to take as it could make my life a while lot worse than it is now.
Myself, I don't see myself as that big a prize to females as otherwise I would have dated far more than I have done. I'm a 6ft average build guy with a good crop of hair and average looking. However, while I don't like arguments I wouldn't say I excell at getting on with people. My ability to entertain others is I think reasonably limited. The right woman might be ok with but I fear most women might get fed up after a while. Difficult to say but I think that would be the case. So for me I'm thinking that it could just be far too risky to try getting into a relationship, casual dating ok but that would be the limit. Just wondering how others might assess the situation, is it just to risky to try?
First of all, don't refer to women as "females". That's red flag number one.
The second red flag is the fact that you assume your imaginary relationship (because that's all it is at this point) is doomed before it even starts.
The third red flag is the fact that you assume your (imaginary) ex will take your home in a messy and malicious divorce.
You clearly have a very low opinion of women, and that in itself will likely become a self-fulfilling prophecy. You will never be fully invested in a relationship, but will instead be constantly suspicious of your partner and expecting the worst of her. What woman in her right mind would sign up to that?
Original post by Veet Voojagig
First of all, don't refer to women as "females". That's red flag number one.
The second red flag is the fact that you assume your imaginary relationship (because that's all it is at this point) is doomed before it even starts.
The third red flag is the fact that you assume your (imaginary) ex will take your home in a messy and malicious divorce.
You clearly have a very low opinion of women, and that in itself will likely become a self-fulfilling prophecy. You will never be fully invested in a relationship, but will instead be constantly suspicious of your partner and expecting the worst of her. What woman in her right mind would sign up to that?
The second red flag is the fact that you assume your imaginary relationship (because that's all it is at this point) is doomed before it even starts.
The third red flag is the fact that you assume your (imaginary) ex will take your home in a messy and malicious divorce.
You clearly have a very low opinion of women, and that in itself will likely become a self-fulfilling prophecy. You will never be fully invested in a relationship, but will instead be constantly suspicious of your partner and expecting the worst of her. What woman in her right mind would sign up to that?
Sounds like more Red flags than a Red Army military parade lol.
I don't think you get the gravity of the situation that if it goes south then I could be essentially homeless while the woman runs off with the lot. I don't want to be homeless and need to take the risks seriously. I know life can go downhill badly fast and one false move can really land you in that situation.
I have to assume my odds would not be that great as I've not had a lot of dating interest from women to date. So I can only assume to most women I'm not so valued by them. The only thing that I may be seriously valued for us my house. I'm not saying all women are goldiggers or callous but if the relationship goes south what is at stake is essentially at stake as the law currently is. The law doesn't protect my situation it tends to undermine the man's situation so I've got to be real careful.
I'm not saying I'm suspicious of every woman but that as the law stands and as many relationships don't work out isn't it just a risky gamble for me to get into a relationship in the first place?
Original post by JDSensations
Interesting that you are viewing your potential future relationship as doomed.
You could always have a prenup to secure the house.
Do you want a relationship? If not just stick to casually dating and see hat happens. IF you do, then there will always be risks to take, that's just part of life.
You could always have a prenup to secure the house.
Do you want a relationship? If not just stick to casually dating and see hat happens. IF you do, then there will always be risks to take, that's just part of life.
Pre-nups aren't often seen as valid by courts in the UK, far less so than in the US. A UK court would probably throw out a pre nup completely or at least take little regard for it. So that's usually a non starter here and apparently even in the US depending on which State you're in it usually only goes so far.
if u have a trusted family member ie: mom , i would put the house on their name but i mean this only would work if u trust them 100%.this way if god forbid u end up getting a divorce u wont lose ur house.
Original post by Anonymous
if u have a trusted family member ie: mom , i would put the house on their name but i mean this only would work if u trust them 100%.this way if god forbid u end up getting a divorce u wont lose ur house.
I was actually going to suggest this, or you could put it in mine I'm happy to help out
Just get a pre-nup and stop writing like the serial poster who is convinced that women are out to fleece him.
Pre-nups are riskier in the UK than they are in the US. My immediate question is why the advice goes straight to pre-nups. To my mind the advice would be not to get married or have kids until you feel secure in the relationship. There is a lot wrong with that first post in terms of the OP's views of relationships and women generally, but those may be ironed out in the right relationship or with more experience of dating. I certainly wouldn't recommend marriage or having kids until they are.
Original post by Crazy Jamie
Pre-nups are riskier in the UK than they are in the US. My immediate question is why the advice goes straight to pre-nups. To my mind the advice would be not to get married or have kids until you feel secure in the relationship. There is a lot wrong with that first post in terms of the OP's views of relationships and women generally, but those may be ironed out in the right relationship or with more experience of dating. I certainly wouldn't recommend marriage or having kids until they are.
Pretty sure you don't need to be married to be entitled to possessions, if living together over a certain period you then qualify.
Interesting thread. I agree a little with everyone, including the OP.
If you are so worried, invest a some of your money in legal advice, a solicitor, etc. It is true, that prenups can be easily invalidated. There are certain specific conditions required for them to be "valid". I think for example, it needs to be signed in front of a witness. I'm unsure of what happens if the witness dies though.
If you are worried about these things, then you should read more about it and prepare yourself well ahead in time, while you still are able to approach this issue with a clear head. Once you are dating someone, and like them, and end up being in a relationship with them, it gets much harder to hold yourself to the same standards, and manage these kinds of risks. Emotions kick in and you stop thinking clearly, at least unless you've already thought all these things through 20 steps ahead and have all the logistics clearly planned out.
Putting your house in your mother's name will also mean you'll then likely have to pay inheritance tax on it one day. I think. There may be other better options.
But most importantly of all, you need to be a good judge of character. Like others said, your negative disposition towards women risks becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy. There are plenty of decent, non-arsey, women out there who aren't greedy, opportunistic, or short sighted and manipulative. You need to get very good and razor sharp at identifying those, and it really isn't all that hard actually:
If your basis for entering into a relationship is because she "looks good", "knows how to have fun", or maybe even that conversations with her are "interesting"... then that's simply not good enough (psychopaths know how to sound very interesting for example). Those are all nice things on their own, sure, but still not good enough.
If you get in a relationship with a decent woman that has integrity and basic empathy in the first place, then you likely don't have to worry about her trying to skin you off your livelihood. That should be plan A. But it is still wise to have several plan Bs in case that fails:
Get solicitor's advice for those, not mine. Although I'm good with rent agreements actually.
If you are so worried, invest a some of your money in legal advice, a solicitor, etc. It is true, that prenups can be easily invalidated. There are certain specific conditions required for them to be "valid". I think for example, it needs to be signed in front of a witness. I'm unsure of what happens if the witness dies though.
If you are worried about these things, then you should read more about it and prepare yourself well ahead in time, while you still are able to approach this issue with a clear head. Once you are dating someone, and like them, and end up being in a relationship with them, it gets much harder to hold yourself to the same standards, and manage these kinds of risks. Emotions kick in and you stop thinking clearly, at least unless you've already thought all these things through 20 steps ahead and have all the logistics clearly planned out.
Putting your house in your mother's name will also mean you'll then likely have to pay inheritance tax on it one day. I think. There may be other better options.
But most importantly of all, you need to be a good judge of character. Like others said, your negative disposition towards women risks becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy. There are plenty of decent, non-arsey, women out there who aren't greedy, opportunistic, or short sighted and manipulative. You need to get very good and razor sharp at identifying those, and it really isn't all that hard actually:
•
Have you seen them show empathy towards other people?
•
Have seen them show empathy specifically towards men, maybe even their past exes?
•
Do they show that they're able to take responsibility for past mistakes?
•
Do they have their own career going (far less likely that they'll be interested in your money, if they already have their own)?
•
Do they generally behave in a trustworthy manner? Or do they hold information back from either you, their friends, or family? Do they act cagey or withdrawn about some aspects of their past?
•
What sort of relationship do they have with their family? Evidence of bad past relationships, coupled with an inability to take any responsibility as an adult, usually means her future relationships will be just as sh*t. Whereas if she has a good relationship with her family, she's a much lower flight risk for example.
•
Potentially as well... how many exes? Yep, this topic gets controversial with all the feminists who like to pretend these things "don't matter" (which is a lie). Women who relationship hop from one to another, don't make reliable partners by definition. And obviously that is a risk if you have a house in your name with no mortgage. You should at least want to know the real reasons why she moved from one guy to the next so often. If she is acting cagey or dismissive with those reasons, dump her.
•
And do they lie or withhold information about their past relationships.
If your basis for entering into a relationship is because she "looks good", "knows how to have fun", or maybe even that conversations with her are "interesting"... then that's simply not good enough (psychopaths know how to sound very interesting for example). Those are all nice things on their own, sure, but still not good enough.
If you get in a relationship with a decent woman that has integrity and basic empathy in the first place, then you likely don't have to worry about her trying to skin you off your livelihood. That should be plan A. But it is still wise to have several plan Bs in case that fails:
•
Put the house in someone else's name, or maybe a trust (I don't know)
•
Sign a formal rent agreement with her
•
Prenup
Get solicitor's advice for those, not mine. Although I'm good with rent agreements actually.
(edited 10 months ago)
Original post by JDSensations
Pretty sure you don't need to be married to be entitled to possessions, if living together over a certain period you then qualify.
That's true as well. Even if you're just in a co-habitation arrangement during a relationship, she could be entitled to some of your possessions.
You need a solid rental agreement in place which clearly spells out what her legal relationship is to you (Lodger <> Landlord), that will give you solid legal grounds to get rid of her if she turns difficult and so you can collect any money she owes you upon her eviction, rather than it being the other way around.
You can make the rent really cheap, whatever, it doesn't matter and depends on whatever you agree with her. But the written document needs to exist, showing that she's renting from you.
(edited 10 months ago)
Original post by JDSensations
Pretty sure you don't need to be married to be entitled to possessions, if living together over a certain period you then qualify.
You don't, but establishing entitlement to possessions when you're not married is very difficult. It's not generally something that you'll need to worry about, and it isn't something that should discourage someone from getting into a relationship. The most likely scenario is a trust that is found to have been made over a portion of a house, but it's where (broadly) there's been an explicit or implicit agreement that one party earns money to pay the mortgage and the other stays at home to maintain the house. That won't be the case here because the OP owns his house outright. It won't be the case, for example, that a woman moves in with him, two years later moves out and claims part of the house. That's not how trusts work, and it is much more difficult to establish them than that.
So really, I would push back on everyone who has said that a woman could be entitled to some of the OP's possessions if they're simply co-habiting. Technically, yes, it's possible, but it's so unlikely, particularly where the OP already owns his house outright, that it really isn't something that should register as a risk. Co-habiting couples having children is different, of course, but I've covered that in my advice.
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