Was I sexually assaulted/ abused?
One of my friends from primary school, a boy, used to go with me to the unisex toilets in school and touch me inappropriately. It made me uncomfortable but I can’t remember if I agreed to it or not as I think I’ve tried to block it out over the years (I was 6/7 when it happened and I’m 20 now). I have a problem with other people touching me now, even hugs from friends makes me feel anxious, I’m not sure if maybe I just don’t like physical affection OR it has something to do with what happened at school. The teachers found out and punished both of us making me feel sexual guilt years later e.g. I’m a virgin and have had multiple chances to have sex but always end up chickening out. I couldn’t masturbate until I was 18 because i felt guilty, I’ve never been to therapy but have experienced slow realisation over the years.
How old was the boy? Unless he was significantly older than you, I very much doubt there was any intent of harm and anything more than curiosity going on on his part. Though of course that doesn't invalidate your feelings and that you were made to feel uncomfortable by the situation and that it may still be affecting you now. I agree with the poster above that speaking to a therapist or counsellor about what happened and about your feelings around intimacy may be useful to consider.
Maybe it is time to stop carrying the burden of your teacher's rebuke, even if it wasn't entirely your fault that this behaviour led to being caught and disciplined. I hope you grow to appreciate yourself more as a special person who is ready for a relationship. As for remaining a virgin at 20, don't brood over that, as even if your traumatic childhood experience had never happened, you STILL may have decided to remain a virgin until 20 or older. Nothing wrong with that. Speak to your friends about your discomfort with affectionate hugs etc. If they truly are friends, they will keep space until you feel ready. I don't know the level of your ability to hug others, if at all. Sometimes owning or taking care of a pet animal first can be a starting point to show friendly affection.
Original post by pheeb0
Really sorry you had to experience that. If the boy was the same age as you (which I am assuming he was if you were in school), it's more tricky because neither of you were able to consent. Regardless, it shouldn't have happened and you should not have been punished or made to feel guilty about it- it wasn't your fault.
It's definitely sexual trauma and sounds like you are experiencing issues with what happened, I would really recommend seeing a therapist about it.
It's definitely sexual trauma and sounds like you are experiencing issues with what happened, I would really recommend seeing a therapist about it.
Thank you for replying, the boy was the same age and I believe he in no way intended to make me feel uncomfortable but I wasn’t old enough to know how to react I think- I wasn’t aware of sex and I think the boy was just curious
Original post by Anonymous #1
Thank you for replying, the boy was the same age and I believe he in no way intended to make me feel uncomfortable but I wasn’t old enough to know how to react I think- I wasn’t aware of sex and I think the boy was just curious
This boy did not intend to harm you like you said, but believe me he was not just curious. He was bad, he knew things and he wanted it. He took advantage of you because you were just there alone with him. In his whole life he will suffer from this, more guilty than you do. He will be judged by the saints and the angels after his death.
Just forgive yourself, it was not your fault.
Original post by Anonymous #2
This boy did not intend to harm you like you said, but believe me he was not just curious. He was bad, he knew things and he wanted it. He took advantage of you because you were just there alone with him. In his whole life he will suffer from this, more guilty than you do. He will be judged by the saints and the angels after his death.
Just forgive yourself, it was not your fault.
Just forgive yourself, it was not your fault.
How can you seriously say he didn't intend harm and then in the next sentence say, quite clearly, that he did?
Either way, he was a child, what kind of fool thinks they can assume the intentions of one from an event from near 2 decades ago from a brief post online? Ridiculous comment from you.
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