are my friends leaving me out?
hey everyone
i am posting here because i have literally no idea if i'm overthinking situations and kinda need some help to figure it out.
to begin with, i am suspected neurodivergent and always struggle with a difference in routine in summertime. i'm also suspected adhd, anxiety w attachment issues. to explain i have a history of being told i don't have problems from family and friends (gaslit etc.) so now i struggle with being able to differentiate between reality and my own emotions toward something, mixed with not being able to understand when people are feeling any kinda way toward me i'm so muddled right now.
basically, my friends have been spending time together without me. it starts from last year when i only became close with them 6 months or so, but we hung out as a trio everyday. i live further away from our school than them and have super long days with the commute. so, i started to miss certain school days if i didn't have to be in, and of course they would hang out without me. i was and am completely fine with this, as they also do sport together that i'm not really interested in together, so i understand that they spend time together (they also live a lot closer) so i literally have no problems with any of this.
the first incident happened the last day before school finished. i was home and we had decided that on the last day we would do crafts and bring stuff finished or to finish blah blah in to do together. we did this on the last day until i found out they had hung out without me to make these crafts, despite knowing i was free and could've gone over to my closest in proximity's friends house to do it with them. i chalked this up to the fact they had been hanging out more and i had been off so much maybe they just didn't think about it. i was mostly fine with this (was a little but hurt but just ignored it), but then other stuff started happening.
the thing is, i was supposed to be on holiday for most of july, but there was a mess and it got cancelled. i didn't know this until right before the holiday, so when i asked about their whereabouts for the first week of summer so i could join any hang out plans, they said they had booked duo stuff together. again, i was fine with this because i have no right not to be lol?? i still avoided socials so i didn't have to see it because i knew they had been hanging out tons without me so this extra cherry on top of the cake wasn't really for me.
anyways, after their first week (now last week) they barely responded to any of my messages, which i understand because neither are that active on their phones and they always go quiet when they're together. the thing is i texted my friend last thursday to try and organise when we're doing stuff (now this week), because we had plans to go swimming, to do events and stuff that needs booking (that was pretty much all my ideas). my closer in proximity friend said on thursday she'd talk to her dad, but i've heard nothing since except for when we spoke vaguely on the group chat which i've since been left on open for. proximity friend has also left me on read on msgs.
yesterday they were hanging out together despite one of them saying she was busy when we planned out the first couple weeks. i saw socials of it and saw it was more of a family meetup so despite being upset i kinda chalked this up to me not being able to read the situation. but this morning, again even though i know their sport doesn't start until this evening they've been hanging out without me since this morning.
i think the reason this stings so much is because i had a friend who, whilst she is still my super close friend, at the beginning of the year started hanging with people i couldn't mesh with and it meant i would leave the situations i was uncomfortable in and be alone. this is my fault, i know, but these two friends of mine now are super good people and i thought they were the first good friends i would have for a long time. they did non-toxic stuff i've never experienced in actually healthy friendships, and i felt so relieved because it felt like such a breath of fresh air.
and now this entire situation is blowing up in my head, and whilst i know this story is one-sided its pretty much what i've got from the situation. it's not good for my mental health, because my brain is really really complicated and i can't figure out if i'm overthinking this or if my memory is wrong/misread things, but would just at least appreciate an invite.
neither of them have messaged me, despite saying a little bit ago we would all hang out in the second week. i've made it clear multiple times i'd love to hang out with them but im trying to not pressure any answers.
i can't lie, i feel like absolute ****. my other unrelated close friend has cancelled on me several times this summer, especially when we were supposed to do a big camping trip and just said she'd do in next year (probably without me). i want to just do the camping trip on my own and all of the activities i had plans with my friends to do alone, but there's some i really wanted to do that kind of require a group minimum of two.
i feel sad and just want to be told what to do that doesn't involve cutting them off completely or being confrontational in case i'm misreading something. (if you feel i need a slap in the face, pls do ahead).
thanks for making it this far, i really appreciate it.
i am posting here because i have literally no idea if i'm overthinking situations and kinda need some help to figure it out.
to begin with, i am suspected neurodivergent and always struggle with a difference in routine in summertime. i'm also suspected adhd, anxiety w attachment issues. to explain i have a history of being told i don't have problems from family and friends (gaslit etc.) so now i struggle with being able to differentiate between reality and my own emotions toward something, mixed with not being able to understand when people are feeling any kinda way toward me i'm so muddled right now.
basically, my friends have been spending time together without me. it starts from last year when i only became close with them 6 months or so, but we hung out as a trio everyday. i live further away from our school than them and have super long days with the commute. so, i started to miss certain school days if i didn't have to be in, and of course they would hang out without me. i was and am completely fine with this, as they also do sport together that i'm not really interested in together, so i understand that they spend time together (they also live a lot closer) so i literally have no problems with any of this.
the first incident happened the last day before school finished. i was home and we had decided that on the last day we would do crafts and bring stuff finished or to finish blah blah in to do together. we did this on the last day until i found out they had hung out without me to make these crafts, despite knowing i was free and could've gone over to my closest in proximity's friends house to do it with them. i chalked this up to the fact they had been hanging out more and i had been off so much maybe they just didn't think about it. i was mostly fine with this (was a little but hurt but just ignored it), but then other stuff started happening.
the thing is, i was supposed to be on holiday for most of july, but there was a mess and it got cancelled. i didn't know this until right before the holiday, so when i asked about their whereabouts for the first week of summer so i could join any hang out plans, they said they had booked duo stuff together. again, i was fine with this because i have no right not to be lol?? i still avoided socials so i didn't have to see it because i knew they had been hanging out tons without me so this extra cherry on top of the cake wasn't really for me.
anyways, after their first week (now last week) they barely responded to any of my messages, which i understand because neither are that active on their phones and they always go quiet when they're together. the thing is i texted my friend last thursday to try and organise when we're doing stuff (now this week), because we had plans to go swimming, to do events and stuff that needs booking (that was pretty much all my ideas). my closer in proximity friend said on thursday she'd talk to her dad, but i've heard nothing since except for when we spoke vaguely on the group chat which i've since been left on open for. proximity friend has also left me on read on msgs.
yesterday they were hanging out together despite one of them saying she was busy when we planned out the first couple weeks. i saw socials of it and saw it was more of a family meetup so despite being upset i kinda chalked this up to me not being able to read the situation. but this morning, again even though i know their sport doesn't start until this evening they've been hanging out without me since this morning.
i think the reason this stings so much is because i had a friend who, whilst she is still my super close friend, at the beginning of the year started hanging with people i couldn't mesh with and it meant i would leave the situations i was uncomfortable in and be alone. this is my fault, i know, but these two friends of mine now are super good people and i thought they were the first good friends i would have for a long time. they did non-toxic stuff i've never experienced in actually healthy friendships, and i felt so relieved because it felt like such a breath of fresh air.
and now this entire situation is blowing up in my head, and whilst i know this story is one-sided its pretty much what i've got from the situation. it's not good for my mental health, because my brain is really really complicated and i can't figure out if i'm overthinking this or if my memory is wrong/misread things, but would just at least appreciate an invite.
neither of them have messaged me, despite saying a little bit ago we would all hang out in the second week. i've made it clear multiple times i'd love to hang out with them but im trying to not pressure any answers.
i can't lie, i feel like absolute ****. my other unrelated close friend has cancelled on me several times this summer, especially when we were supposed to do a big camping trip and just said she'd do in next year (probably without me). i want to just do the camping trip on my own and all of the activities i had plans with my friends to do alone, but there's some i really wanted to do that kind of require a group minimum of two.
i feel sad and just want to be told what to do that doesn't involve cutting them off completely or being confrontational in case i'm misreading something. (if you feel i need a slap in the face, pls do ahead).
thanks for making it this far, i really appreciate it.
hey, funnily enough a very similar thing is happening to me right now. I’m on summer holidays as I’ve finished sixth form now and I’ve immediately noticed how my friends aren’t texting me anymore and aren’t inviting me to outings. It was my birthday last week and I asked some of them if they wanted to go out but all 3 of them said they were working. That was fine with me and I stayed at home with my family. Later that day as I was scrolling through BeReal, I saw a post of those same girls all out together in a shopping centre. One of those girls had also asked me previously if I wanted to go out with her but what she and the others did really upset me so I’ve been making up excuses not to go. Yesterday, I saw on their stories that they all went to a theme park and I felt really down because I wasn’t invited. Whilst we were at school we were all quite close we all spent time with each other ect, but the minute school ended they started acting cold and distant. I feel so uncomfortable still having them on social media, I really want to cut them all off because this friendship no longer feels meaningful but my fear of being lonely & overthinking makes it harder. I feel like there’s something wrong with me, maybe I’m unlikeable but I really hate weighing myself down. I’m trying to tell myself that no company is better than fake company. And at the end of the day, you should never try for people who aren’t trying for you. It’s really difficult though. My anxiety is so high from it and I can feel myself slowly losing interest in everything. It’s really wrecking my mood and I’m scared I’ll enter another depressed phase stemmed from loneliness. I just really hope I meet some good true friends soon.
Original post by Anonymous
hey, funnily enough a very similar thing is happening to me right now. I’m on summer holidays as I’ve finished sixth form now and I’ve immediately noticed how my friends aren’t texting me anymore and aren’t inviting me to outings. It was my birthday last week and I asked some of them if they wanted to go out but all 3 of them said they were working. That was fine with me and I stayed at home with my family. Later that day as I was scrolling through BeReal, I saw a post of those same girls all out together in a shopping centre. One of those girls had also asked me previously if I wanted to go out with her but what she and the others did really upset me so I’ve been making up excuses not to go. Yesterday, I saw on their stories that they all went to a theme park and I felt really down because I wasn’t invited. Whilst we were at school we were all quite close we all spent time with each other ect, but the minute school ended they started acting cold and distant. I feel so uncomfortable still having them on social media, I really want to cut them all off because this friendship no longer feels meaningful but my fear of being lonely & overthinking makes it harder. I feel like there’s something wrong with me, maybe I’m unlikeable but I really hate weighing myself down. I’m trying to tell myself that no company is better than fake company. And at the end of the day, you should never try for people who aren’t trying for you. It’s really difficult though. My anxiety is so high from it and I can feel myself slowly losing interest in everything. It’s really wrecking my mood and I’m scared I’ll enter another depressed phase stemmed from loneliness. I just really hope I meet some good true friends soon.
i feel like all us lonely people should have a party. the amount of times i've googled 'how to make friends' is lowkey just sad. also, bereal is the bane of my existence. they literally posted theirs as i type this lol. also i'm really sorry your friends have been leaving you out it really sucks.
have you finished alevels yet or just the first year? that's my situation at the moment and can't wait to leave this area with its annoying people when i get my results next year.
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