long thread - i messed up with a girl i like

i messed up a first date with a girl i really like (we’ve met many times as friends but this was the first time meeting officially as a ‘date’), i’ve liked her for years but she never saw me as ‘more than friends’. however we started getting close and flirting recently so i asked if i can take her on an official date and she said yes she was willing to give us a chance and see if we would work.

the date went great however right at the very end when we was leaving i completely ruined it due to misunderstanding something she said after we finished our meal at the restaurant.

she started rushing saying how her friends outside with uber and asked for my permission if she could go

my perspective:

i knew she was saying the night round a friends after our date so i assumed she was saying she had to go home because her friend (who she planned to sleep round their house after our date) text her saying she was outside the restaurant waiting for her in the uber to go home so for her to hurry up. so when she asked me if it would be ok if she can go.. i said yes, so she went.

even tho she politely asked me if she could go and i said yes i still got upset that she left me alone in the restaurant and didn’t wait for the bill to arrive so we could walk out together although looking back at it.. the bill did take a long time to arrive even i was shocked how long it was taking so i don’t blame her for leaving.. but i still got annoyed she left as the truth is i can be quite sensitive for a guy.

then as i was walking out i saw she was still here chilling with someone else (not the friend that she was meant to stay the night round after) and there was no uber outside. so i immediately got very emotional and my heart started racing thinking she lied so she could leave me and go hang out with someone else so i got in a big attitude and stormed right past her and i left the restaurant then she text me asking why i ignored her but i didn’t reply to her texts.

the next day i text her shouting at her calling her a liar and saying she left me and she was like “wtf i never lied about anything” and then i told her my perspective of what happened and then she replied with what really happened.

her perspective (what really happened):

she enjoyed our date and thought it went well and at the end of our meal she received a message from a different friend she hasn’t seen for a long time who saw her instagram story and coincidentally was at the same restaurant as us but they already finished and called an uber to go home so asked if they could quickly meet before their uber arrives. so in a very rushed way she was asking me if she could quickly BRB to go say hi to her friend before her friends uber arrives and they leave, then she would come back to me so we can finish our date and then walk to the train station together but she then had to walk to the station by herself at night because i stormed out and left her and ignored her texts when she was waiting at the restaurant for me to reply so she ended up walking by herself scared at night.

so i completely misunderstood her and i massively overreacted being emotional, and so i started saying sorry sending long paragraphs saying how much i like her and begging to meet her the next day so we could talk but she said no i’m acting too emotional and clingy and because of my actions she doesn’t think we work together and she needs to rethink whether we are compatible and wants space for a little while. it’s now been a few days so i want to text her but i’m not sure how to.

any advice?

1) i want to apologise again but i feel that will just annoy her more

2) maybe i should just ask how she’s feeling but feel that will just remind her of bad feelings towards me and that it’s too soon to ask how she’s feeling

3) maybe i should just send something off topic and random as a convo starter that breaks the ice like, but worried she might find it offensive and weird i just send her something random given our last convo

4) i was thinking to just send her a text asking for her home address as i’d like to send her something, then send her some flowers with a note apologising and asking to start fresh. but feel asking for her address will be creepy and stuff.

so not sure what to do i really like her and worried i messed it up

Reply 1

Doomotron

Don't do any of those four points you made at the end, it'll just reinforce her view that you're too clingy. Ultimately it's up to her if she comes back to you. Give her a while and she'll either move on from you or move on from the misunderstanding and ask for a second attempt at a date.