Why do I do this ?

why is it when my boyfriend says something as a joke I’m okay with at it first and find it funny but then the next day I over analyse what he said and over think it when I was completely fine with it before ?!

(edited 8 months ago)

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

Original post by Miaj_233

why is it when my boyfriend says something as a joke I’m okay with at it first and find it funny but then the next day I over analyse what he said and over think it when I was completely fine with it before ?!

It really depends on the type of joke, but here are some questions to think about:

1) Are you truly okay with the joke, or do you pretend you are okay with the joke in front of your boyfriend?
2) Do you have ego/self-esteem issues that get in the way of not taking jokes personally?
3) Are there underlying communication issues that are going unresolved in your relationship?

I hope a bit of reflection and introspection will help you overcome your overanalysing.

Personally, I have done this, but after I came to terms with the fact that 1) he probably did not mean it personally and that 2) I overanalysed to little to no effect, I have stopped wasting unnecessary time ruminating over comments/jokes.

However, if the jokes are coming to a point where its posing a significant detriment to your mental wellbeing or your core values, it is time to communicate with your partner honestly about this. Hope this helps!

Reply 2

Anonymous #2

Original post by Miaj_233

why is it when my boyfriend says something as a joke I’m okay with at it first and find it funny but then the next day I over analyse what he said and over think it when I was completely fine with it before ?!

Overthinking is probably a sign of insecurity, where there is a high chance that it's not exactly due to your relationship.

First impressions tend to be a hallmark to what your reactions should be, despite whether it's correct or not.
There is also a chance that the overanalysis can be to some intuitive sense that something might not be right. If this is due to your insecurity due to something related to your upbringing/personality or whether it's something you're right on the money, it's up for debate (we have zero information to go on).

Some jokes can also be subtext for something true as well as something that's not supposed to be taken seriously. It depends on the joke, person, and situation. I know nothing about the context, so I cannot comment.

If you are looking for something to affirm your suspicions, then I am not giving you anything.

I could speculate that it's something to worry about, but turns out it not be (hence ruin a perfectly OK relationship). On the other hand, I could also say it's something not to worry about, and it turns out it's something that should be (hence prolong a relationship that's not right for you). In either case, there's a good chance someone who has a tendency to become more insecure than she should be and can be prone to make a rash decision, making the situation worse than it needs to be.
The only person who has the best information and hence should be the one to decide on what happens will be you. Everyone else is a spectator.

Reply 3

Miaj_233

OP

9

Basically my boyfriend said “ R£t@rd xx ” as a jokingly joke as I put idiot before .. but I found it funny but now I think I’m over analysing.

(edited 8 months ago)

Reply 4

Anonymous #2

Original post by Miaj_233

Basically my boyfriend said “ R£t@rd xx ” as a jokingly joke as I put idiot before .. but I found it funny but now I think I’m over analysing.

I like how you make things overly succinct. More context needed. What were you doing? Why did he call you that jokingly?

If you didn't feel comfortable with it, let him know and set some sort of boundary.

Again, we as spectators have no rights to opine on your relationship. Only you have that right.

Reply 5

Miaj_233

OP

9

Original post by Anonymous

I like how you make things overly succinct. More context needed. What were you doing? Why did he call you that jokingly?

If you didn't feel comfortable with it, let him know and set some sort of boundary.

Again, we as spectators have no rights to opine on your relationship. Only you have that right.

Probably because I called him idiot jokingly

Reply 6

Anonymous #2

Original post by Miaj_233

Probably because I called him idiot jokingly

Kind of shot yourself in the foot there then.

Then you're likely overthinking it and it's more of an insecurity. I mean if you fired the first shot, you can't expect there to be no retailiation.
Having said that, I could be completely wrong - there's always the possibility. Only you and him are most clear about the situation; as spectators, we can only speculate so much.

Why do I do this ?

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