My Boyfriend is a lower caste than me

Hi All,

I (age 26) have been in a relationship with this guy (age 27) for a few years and I have known he is a much lower caste. My family does not know I am in a relationship

My family are high castes and my mum keeps bringing up the marriage and telling me to find someone who is in a high caste, rich family, respectable family, big family, good jobs etc (a typical asian criteria).

My BF is not rich, his family is not rich, he is not from a big family and obviously low caste. He also has a lot of grey hair (serious amount-nearly white)

I get on with him like a house on fire. we understand each other but I do feel like his income will not support us in the future. He does not have a good relationship with his family. He's not very cultured either.

I do care about being happy in the future and have no idea if I should let go of him.

Please can anyone share some advice?

If I marry a low caste, the news will spread. I am from a massive family and that will bring so much shame to my parents, that it would cause them depression.

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

Hi All,

I (age 26) have been in a relationship with this guy (age 27) for a few years and I have known he is a much lower caste. My family does not know I am in a relationship

My family are high castes and my mum keeps bringing up the marriage and telling me to find someone who is in a high caste, rich family, respectable family, big family, good jobs etc (a typical asian criteria).

My BF is not rich, his family is not rich, he is not from a big family and obviously low caste. He also has a lot of grey hair (serious amount-nearly white)

I get on with him like a house on fire. we understand each other but I do feel like his income will not support us in the future. He does not have a good relationship with his family. He's not very cultured either.

I do care about being happy in the future and have no idea if I should let go of him.

Please can anyone share some advice?

If I marry a low caste, the news will spread. I am from a massive family and that will bring so much shame to my parents, that it would cause them depression.

I’m 18 and I also come from a cultured family who is well off, so I get the struggle. If you do want to supposedly start a family in the future and be well financially, you need to ask your boyfriend what his financial plans for the future are, it is so important to be on the same page so you can calculate how much income you both receive in a year as you grow older. Tbh if you are stressing out about this then it’s best to leave this relationship and pursue one that won’t give you any doubts about your future and someone you know you can bring home to the family. Goodluck <3

Reply 2

Anonymous #3

We live in the 21st century. It sounds absolutely ridiculous wanting to break up with someone because of something that they have no control over which literally has zero importance in your relationship. As for his salary - that's something he can change. You can also work and provide income for the family.

Reply 3

MaryAnderson

2

This totally depends on you. If you can accept himself and can manage your family members then continue with him. Otherwise it's better to reject him and find out a new one. Though according to my experience there is no problems with the religion in love. Just think and take the decision accordingly.

Reply 4

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

We live in the 21st century. It sounds absolutely ridiculous wanting to break up with someone because of something that they have no control over which literally has zero importance in your relationship. As for his salary - that's something he can change. You can also work and provide income for the family.

I don’t agree. He has no control over his lower caste, true, but has every bit of control over his financial wellbeing. Finance is important in a serious relationship, if your planning to get married or live together so I wouldn’t say it has zero importance as she may also want to have kids and stay at home with them while being supported. She is 26, 4 years from 30 and I get why she would be worried. Also, like she said, she’s rich, she may want someone to be at the same level she’s at so she doesn’t have to put her life on pause while he gets his money up. You may think it’s all rubbish but in a cultured family things go a certain way, you may or may not understand. This reply isn’t intended to be rude but it’s coming from someone who can relate to her background. Thanks

Reply 5

Surnia

20

Original post by Anonymous

My BF is not rich, his family is not rich, he is not from a big family and obviously low caste. He also has a lot of grey hair (serious amount-nearly white)

I do feel like his income will not support us in the future. He does not have a good relationship with his family. He's not very cultured either.

For a guy who's your boyfriend, you've listed a lot of negatives, sone of which come over as very shallow, and made one major omission; you've not said you love him!

Why do you only 'feel' his income won't support you; don't you actually know? A few years into a relationship and you haven't even discussed such an important topic? What's stopping you contributing financially?

(edited 8 months ago)

Reply 6

Anonymous #3

Original post by Anonymous

I don’t agree. He has no control over his lower caste, true, but has every bit of control over his financial wellbeing. Finance is important in a serious relationship, if your planning to get married or live together so I wouldn’t say it has zero importance as she may also want to have kids and stay at home with them while being supported. She is 26, 4 years from 30 and I get why she would be worried. Also, like she said, she’s rich, she may want someone to be at the same level she’s at so she doesn’t have to put her life on pause while he gets his money up. You may think it’s all rubbish but in a cultured family things go a certain way, you may or may not understand. This reply isn’t intended to be rude but it’s coming from someone who can relate to her background. Thanks

Like I said - salary is something he can change. Thanks.

Reply 7

Quady

20

Original post by Anonymous

I don’t agree. He has no control over his lower caste, true, but has every bit of control over his financial wellbeing. Finance is important in a serious relationship, if your planning to get married or live together so I wouldn’t say it has zero importance as she may also want to have kids and stay at home with them while being supported. She is 26, 4 years from 30 and I get why she would be worried. Also, like she said, she’s rich, she may want someone to be at the same level she’s at so she doesn’t have to put her life on pause while he gets his money up. You may think it’s all rubbish but in a cultured family things go a certain way, you may or may not understand. This reply isn’t intended to be rude but it’s coming from someone who can relate to her background. Thanks

They never said they were rich...
...they only said they were high caste.

Reply 8

Quady

20

Original post by Anonymous

Like I said - salary is something he can change. Thanks.

Is it?

Go tell some poor folk they can change that 🤔

(edited 8 months ago)

Reply 9

Iona Scottish

1

Original post by Anonymous

Hi All,

I (age 26) have been in a relationship with this guy (age 27) for a few years and I have known he is a much lower caste. My family does not know I am in a relationship

My family are high castes and my mum keeps bringing up the marriage and telling me to find someone who is in a high caste, rich family, respectable family, big family, good jobs etc (a typical asian criteria).

My BF is not rich, his family is not rich, he is not from a big family and obviously low caste. He also has a lot of grey hair (serious amount-nearly white)

I get on with him like a house on fire. we understand each other but I do feel like his income will not support us in the future. He does not have a good relationship with his family. He's not very cultured either.

I do care about being happy in the future and have no idea if I should let go of him.

Please can anyone share some advice?

If I marry a low caste, the news will spread. I am from a massive family and that will bring so much shame to my parents, that it would cause them depression.

So many negatives, why don't you break up and find a rich man?

Reply 10

MaryAnderson

2

Original post by Iona Scottish

So many negatives, why don't you break up and find a rich man?

Right! As I said already find a new rich man. All the best!

Reply 11

Serene Dreams

22

And?? I feel like if you truly loved him or cared about him, you wouldn't even be considering whether to let go of him over something that is out of his control. Why did you get into a relationship if this was something that you knew would be an issue?