Suggesting moving from a monogamous relationship to a monogamish one?

I (F20) love my boyfriend (M22) and we've been together almost two years now. We get along almost perfectly together, have been living together during term time at University and we've fought once the entire time we've been dating and things are moving smoothly. I think he's my soulmate, but there seems to be an incompatibility in terms of our sex lives, I have a much higher libido than the average person and his is much lower. When we do have sex, it is amazing but finding a middle ground has meant a lot of communication and trying to find a balance that works for both of us. My issue at the moment is that we spend about 4-5 months away from each other every year during the summer and we can't spend it together because we stay really far apart. Personally, I can't finish on my own and toys and what not are not something that has worked for me and when I'm stressed and upset I want that release, but he's not here and it makes me feel terrible that I keep wanting to but can't. I want to ask him about opening our relationship a bit just for the summer, where both of us can look into casual sex with other people with boundaries and rules on who and avoiding any emotional attachment. I'm worried about how to bring this up without upsetting him because I do still love him and value what we have more than anything else, and this would be more of a fix for me rather than him because he doesn't feel it as strongly as me with a lower libido.

Reply 1

bungusgrungus

There is no way to guarantee that this won't upset him. He might be ok with it or he might hate that you even suggested it. It sucks, but if he is not ok with it then you are gonna have to decide whether your sexual incompatibility is a dealbreaker, or something you can live with.

Also, maybe look into hypersexuality. Idk whether using sex as a coping mechanism for stress is healthy, or if it's normal that you cant finish on your own.