Loneliness, mental health and now failed a module, not sure what to do

Original post by Anonymous

Hi there,
Life has just always screwed me over time and time again and now it’s at a point where I just am struggling. I’ve never had really friends all through school, however in sixth form got some for like for my friend to betray me and then I was alone again. I found a girl that I really like and lost her due to the same thing with the friend situation. I don’t think I’ve talked to anyone other than family in about 4 years and am having a few social skill issues I have developed.

For the last 4 years been at uni never made any friends there and chosen quite a hard course computer science (never doing coding before). Recently I’ve had a lot on my mind about this and how much I’m suffering due to loneliness. This year I’m finished my second year and everything hit me all at once I had multiple family deaths, half my family got advanced cancer, mental issues around loneliness. Just got my results for the resists as I originally failed 2 modules and I now passed one but I failed one. When I first applied to uni I had went and then the whole first covid lockdown happened so I had to leave due to my sister having cystic fibrosis so i lost my gift year of funding. So I can’t resit the year as I would not have enough funding to finish.

I just don’t know what to do my life is a complete mess and this is just the icing on the cake. I’ve contacted my unis student services as they said on the results email but they was not much help they just gave me a generic copy and pasted response and wasn’t much help. I mean it’s really confusing and no one from my uni is telling me what I should do

Any advice is great thanks

Can you contact your tutors.RE Student finance do you have any proof you were acting as a carer for your sister.There are sometimes mitigating circumstances which can result in you getting an extra years funding.
What uni is it?
@PQ can you advise please.

Reply 2

@gjd800 any thoughts?

Reply 3

OP

I’m not an acting career for my sister as my mom is but had to leave due as it was too dangerous in peak covid

Reply 4

Original post by Anonymous

I’m not an acting career for my sister as my mom is but had to leave due as it was too dangerous in peak covid

I am really sympathetic to your situation and do think the COVID year Freshers had a terrible deal as no one knew what was going on.
However we are where we are.I am calling in some other experts to see what they advise.Sorry you are having such a rough time.

@DataVenia can you advise here.

Reply 5

Clearing and Applications Advisor

OP

Original post by Scotney

I am really sympathetic to your situation and do think the COVID year Freshers had a terrible deal as no one knew what was going on.
However we are where we are.I am calling in some other experts to see what they advise.Sorry you are having such a rough time.

@DataVenia can you advise here.

Ok thanks for your help

Reply 6

PQ

All you need to get additional funding from SFE is some sort of evidence of “compelling personal reasons” leading to you dropping out/failing a year.

Have you spoken to your GP or anyone about the issues you’re facing (or were facing)?
A letter from your GP stating that you needed to leave your previous course to support your family including your clinically extremely vulnerable sister or a letter stating that you have experienced multiple bereavements and struggled with mental illness this year affecting your studies would be enough.

Reply 7

Clearing and Applications Advisor

OP

Original post by PQ

All you need to get additional funding from SFE is some sort of evidence of “compelling personal reasons” leading to you dropping out/failing a year.

Have you spoken to your GP or anyone about the issues you’re facing (or were facing)?
A letter from your GP stating that you needed to leave your previous course to support your family including your clinically extremely vulnerable sister or a letter stating that you have experienced multiple bereavements and struggled with mental illness this year affecting your studies would be enough.

No I have never got any contacted a gp about my mental health as I’ve left it and never wanted to go as my family would suspect something is up, but I probably should have a long time ago

I never got a letter for leaving due to my sister at the time

Reply 8

PQ

Original post by Anonymous

No I have never got any contacted a gp about my mental health as I’ve left it and never wanted to go as my family would suspect something is up, but I probably should have a long time ago

I never got a letter for leaving due to my sister at the time

You didn’t need to get a letter at the time.
Speak to your GP now (tell your family that you’re talking to your GP to help with getting funding extended). They’re likely to be able to help with letters covering both situations.

or alternatively if you approach your university counselling services then they might be able to help with both a letter and support for your mental health in your studies going forward.

Reply 9

Universities Forum Helper

Original post by Anonymous

Ok thanks for your help

Okay so the way to look at this is a means to an end.You need the funding and tbf deserve the funding so go to your GP and ask for the letter.You do need to talk to your tutors too though as they have to be on board.You actually do not have to tell your parents at all and doctors have to respect patient confidentiality.
Do you think you are suffering from depression at all?Also why do you think you have struggled with making friends?

Reply 10

artful_lounger

Volunteer Team, Clearing and Applications Advisor

Original post by Anonymous

Hi there,
Life has just always screwed me over time and time again and now it’s at a point where I just am struggling. I’ve never had really friends all through school, however in sixth form got some for like for my friend to betray me and then I was alone again. I found a girl that I really like and lost her due to the same thing with the friend situation. I don’t think I’ve talked to anyone other than family in about 4 years and am having a few social skill issues I have developed.

For the last 4 years been at uni never made any friends there and chosen quite a hard course computer science (never doing coding before). Recently I’ve had a lot on my mind about this and how much I’m suffering due to loneliness. This year I’m finished my second year and everything hit me all at once I had multiple family deaths, half my family got advanced cancer, mental issues around loneliness. Just got my results for the resists as I originally failed 2 modules and I now passed one but I failed one. When I first applied to uni I had went and then the whole first covid lockdown happened so I had to leave due to my sister having cystic fibrosis so i lost my gift year of funding. So I can’t resit the year as I would not have enough funding to finish.

I just don’t know what to do my life is a complete mess and this is just the icing on the cake. I’ve contacted my unis student services as they said on the results email but they was not much help they just gave me a generic copy and pasted response and wasn’t much help. I mean it’s really confusing and no one from my uni is telling me what I should do

Any advice is great thanks

As above - firstly speak with your personal tutor about the situation and what your options are. Applying for mitigating circumstances in retrospect can be harder to arrange (sometimes impossible), but the important thing is if they know now they can put in place any necessary adjustments going forward and keep the context in mind for what options might be available to you. Depending on how the situation is now, if things are still ongoing you may want to discuss whether an interruption of studies for a year might help - it could give you a bit more "space" to work through the personal challenges and get your mental health in a better position before returning. If most of the issues have resolved themselves and/or the central issue is a chronic mental health condition that isn't going to be resolved in a year though, this may not be the best option. But something to explore.

As noted, from the funding perspective you can apply for an additional year(s) of funding through the Compelling Personal Reasons (CPR) process. What I did when I had to apply for CPR was get all the evidence I could (GP letter, letters from counsellors/therapists I was seeing, etc) and also wrote out a "cover letter" explaining the entire situation in full, so they had the full picture. I was successful in applying for CPR at that time so I think it's really just a case of giving them as much information about the situation from your side, supported by as much evidence as you can from any professional services you are being supported by.

Also worth reaching out to your student union - they can often help point you in the right direction of who you need to talk to (and often have the "inside scoop" on how to avoid hiccups in the bureaucracy involved in some of these things) and can sometimes help provide more general pastoral support in parallel with your personal tutor.

Reply 11

DataVenia

Thanks for the tag, @Scotney.

I'm happy to take a look at the uni's Academic Regulations to see what options there are to progress to next year given the remaining failed module. Can you tell us which uni you're at? (This is important as different unis have different rules.)

The following questions are likely to be relevant, as the answers impact the rules at many unis:
1. How many credits was the failed module? (Unis tend to be more flexile with smaller modules.)
2. What mark did you get in it? (There is sometimes more flexibility if you just failed it.)
3. Was it a core module or an optional module? (Unis tend to me more flexible with optional modules.)
4. Other than the two failed modules, how well did you do in your other modules? (Unis are sometimes more flexible if you're doing well generally vs. just scraping by generally.)

Reply 12

OP we need the name of the uni .

Reply 13

OP

Original post by Scotney

OP we need the name of the uni .

Keele university

Reply 14

OP

Original post by DataVenia

Thanks for the tag, @Scotney.

I'm happy to take a look at the uni's Academic Regulations to see what options there are to progress to next year given the remaining failed module. Can you tell us which uni you're at? (This is important as different unis have different rules.)

The following questions are likely to be relevant, as the answers impact the rules at many unis:
1. How many credits was the failed module? (Unis tend to be more flexile with smaller modules.)
2. What mark did you get in it? (There is sometimes more flexibility if you just failed it.)
3. Was it a core module or an optional module? (Unis tend to me more flexible with optional modules.)
4. Other than the two failed modules, how well did you do in your other modules? (Unis are sometimes more flexible if you're doing well generally vs. just scraping by generally.)

Keele uni
15 credits
26 marks
core
Other modules 2 got 64 marks and the rest about 50-57

Reply 15

@DataVenia it Keele if you could check.

Reply 16

I do think if you are depressed ,understandably as it all seems to have been very difficult,you really could benefit from some counselling and some anti depressants.Have you ever considered you might be autistic at all .Just wondered as my daughter had issues making and keeping friends and has just been diagnosed.Just a thought as you mentioned a problem with social skills.

Reply 17

Volunteer Team, Clearing and Applications Advisor

OP

Original post by Scotney

I do think if you are depressed ,understandably as it all seems to have been very difficult,you really could benefit from some counselling and some anti depressants.Have you ever considered you might be autistic at all .Just wondered as my daughter had issues making and keeping friends and has just been diagnosed.Just a thought as you mentioned a problem with social skills.

I don’t think I’m autistic, i think I’m just a really unlucky person and things haven’t played out well when I was young which has now kind of had a knock on affect.

I did work in supermarket for a couple of years and got on reasonably well even though I was very quiet but I think with 4 years since joining uni of no social interaction has hindered me. I struggle making conversation, looking at people, extremely shy.

I have maybe looked at counselling but I can’t get myself to do it as my family are like so tight if I even left the house they would know something is up as I barely leave only for uni. And they fact that I’m not depressed as I’ve lived with no friends most my life and it’s kind of normal now however I see people having fun where I am always alone and coming 22 next month. And the fact that about 4 years ago I finally got some friends and a girl that I like but it ended badly and lost everything and think about back then nearly every day which is probably the only time I was really happy and I’ve seen them move on and I’m in a complete mess.
Also every I’ve meet apart from family has treated me bad so I distrust and hate a lot of people.

Reply 18

DataVenia